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Hooray for ....

Printed From: The Blue Room
Category: Reality TV
Forum Name: Aida's World Famous SCD Blog
Forum Discription: (You can read it whilst Anton's on)
Printed Date: 22 June 2018 at 18:25

Topic: Hooray for ....
Posted By: Aida
Subject: Hooray for ....
Date Posted: 21 Oct 2012 at 00:21
… Hollywood -on- Thames?

Is the Soviet Strumpet engaged in a clandestine dangerous relationship with the producer? I only ask because she features so prominently in every bliddy ‘professional’ dance of this season. Yes, yes - I ‘got’ the nod to Busby Berkeley - yes I ‘got’ that this is Hollywood week - it looks suitably tawdry and the music was utterly horrible, much like most modern films.

Here he comes, shuff, shuff, shufflin’ along - Good God - Tactless must have broken off diplomatic relations with Vermin and borrowed a decent frock!

Blimey - how did they coax Revile-Horrid to make such a tit of himself! Blackmail - surely that’s the only possible reason!

Aaaaarrrggghhhh - noooooooooooo! The Ancient Fossil Forsyth has burst into tuneless song! Jesus, Mary and Joseph - have I not had enough to bear over the last two weeks without this?   

P*ss off, Gnasher!

C’mon, hurry up and get started - I have better things to do than watch you ninnies - a Chinese supper to eat and Barcelona to cheer on!

And we’re kicking off … with …

The Diet-Liar and Comrade Teethski:-
Hmmm - who are they supposed to be? Why is Britten channelling the Tesco ad? Oh, she’s not, she’s going to be ‘Mary Poppins’ - well, I suppose even the Comrade could do a better Cockney accent than Dick Van Dyke!
And they’re off - faffing - stage dancing routine - more faffing - no Charleston so far! Where Charleston? No perceivable Charleston? Is this allowed? Yes, apparently so - cue wild, out of control clapping from the idiot audience, followed by frenzied, out of control cadenza from Bruno - what Charleston moves, Craig, did I glance away for a split second and miss them - Oh here she goes - yes, unfortunately I *can* hear you, you dreary, boring bint!
Ridiculously high scores for hardly any dance steps at all!

Biker Vicky and Brenda(n):-
Just a wild guess - they’re going to make a stab at ‘An Officer and Gentleman’! A rumba? Really? Okay - off ya go! Well, far from perfect and I’m not sure all those lifts are allowed - but - I quite liked it and at least it was in the spirit of the rumba and had some recognisable steps!
Ooh, Dreary’s *such* a - yawn - ballroom expert, isn’t she?
Ridiculously low scores for a proper attempt!

Michael the Cricketer and Tina Sparkle:-
Oh blimey - if he gets his kit off and puts me off my supper, I’ll resign, Brenda - I *will*!      Gaaarrrgggh - stop it, Natalie, stop tearing his clothes off - phew, what a relief! Okay, that was a-tro-cious, up to and including him nearly knocking the table and chair over as a finale, but at least they did attempt some char x 3 steps!

La Belle Jerry and The Berk:-
Hahahahahahaha - Anton as the ’younger man’? Best joke of the night so far! Well, I *liked* it - yes, she’s not very good and he’s a berk, yes, he’s up himself but at least he bothers to do ’proper’ ballroom dancing, choreographs a more than decent routine - and the only faffing is a saucy ending!!
Shut the eff up, Dreary, you ’fade’ the second you open your gob! And now here’s Old Pop Goodwin sticking the boot in - and Craig - see - that’s what you get for doing a proper dance with no faffing! Great!   

Sid Eastender and Ooh la la:-
I haven’t a clue which film this is supposed to be, but he looks rather loverly - and she looks like Bellatrix Lestrange after a makeover by ‘Tarts R Us‘! Usual pole dance with some whirling about together that I *think* might have included some dance steps, although I‘m baffled as to what dance they were from! Oh, grazie, Bruno - it was a tango, eh? News to me!
Deserved lousy scores

Hahahahahahaha - who gives a toss what you think, Tactless?

Oh God, the old loony’s confused again - are the psycho-geriatric nurses standing by!

The Girl Aloud and Pashion:-
Oh dear - she’s forgotten her frock and run out in her bra and petticoats! Yes, very good - Pashion’s obviously an excellent teacher and choreographer - be nice to her this week, joodges, or she might burst into song! Aw, look, the producer’s helping by whacking up the voltage on the audience-seating and the joodges are making quite sure the Girls Aloud fangirls keep watching and voting thereby keeping the viewing figures and the moneyrake up!

The Impostor Van Outen and Gobby Jordan:-
I’m not playing - it’s as bliddy silly as Anna Netrebko entering ‘Popstar to Operastar’!
Gush, gush, gush,gush,gush! Yawn! Think I’ll go and shout to the hubba and ask for another drink and what time the supper’s going to turn up!

It’s here! Hooray - break for Chinese and my beloved Barcelona! The furries have been very subdued this week since they lost their little playmate, but the first wafts of Oriental food brought them stampeding down the stairs! The two toms are in fierce competition to be the new ‘dinner companion’ cat and spent most of the time glowering at each other balefully during the dishing up while counting exactly how many prawns, pieces of chicken and prawn crackers might be available to them if they played their cards right! But - disaster lurked in the wings, twirling its moustachios, as, for some reason best known to himself, the Shouting Man sent us a concoction full of (large and unexpected) slivers of raw ginger tonight!
I know this, gentle readers, because I bit into one of them on my first forkful of food and spent the next five minutes in the kitchen, whence I had fled, alternately glugging copious amounts of milk, watering at the eyes, coughing and yelling crossly at the hubba. While I was thus occupied, Solomon and Orlando plundered my plate of food, managing to eat all but two of my prawns, most of my chicken and several prawn crackers, unseen by the hubba, who, when football is on the telly, goes into a sort of trance.

Never mind - Barca never let me down - it was a cracking game and they won 5-4!

Okay - from the sublime to the ridiculous - let’s press on. Fire up the DVD recorder!

Cool Colin and the Soviet Strumpet:-
No! A James Bond theme! Really? How - erm - expected! (insert own rolling eyes)
Kicked off with a weak joke from the Old Buffer. *Sighing* - I love the Argentine tango and I’d have *loved* Colin if he’d been partnered with Natalie, but I just can’t abide the Strumpet’s sleazy, pole-dancer choreography! Come to think of it, I can’t abide Dreary’s commentary either - hmmmmm - Craig’s into dominance, is he?

ITV Richard and La Boag:-
I can feel meself fading now - are there many more to come?   In a word - yes!
Lots of faffing to start, but it set the scene and I liked the dance because it looked like a proper dance - no doubt it’ll bomb with t’joodges!
Heavens to Betsy - wrong again, Aida!

Danni Beaker and Vinthent:-
Oh, rat-th - it’th the yodelling verthion of ‘Thomewhere over the Rainbow’! I don’t remember Dorothy trailing yardth of thcarlet chiffon either, but I love the dreth, hairthyle and ruby thlipperth - aww, and the dear little dog! Vinthent ith a wonderful lickle danther and he’th clearly a very good teacher too! Lovely!
Howling with laughter at Bruno’s ‘Friends of Dorothy’ crack - ooops, lickle ’Betsy’s gone a bit crackerdog and nipped Vinthent! He should count himself lucky - if he'd tried to scoop our Lola up like that, she'd have been clamped over his face like the creature from 'Alien' when it first hatched and throttled John Hurt! I do hope the sedative nurse has a vial or two of Tetanus Toxoid in her box of tricks!

Ugh - I nearly threw up a bit in my mouth there! Forsyth is just horrible!

Lisa Dingle and the Kwik-fit fitter:-
He’s such a love, isn’t he? Well, it’s a brave costume and she should consider a perm as she suits shorter curly hair. Robin’s clearly a great choreographer and Lisa puts her heart and soul into it, doesn’t she - you have to hand it to her for really trying to do the right steps to her dances! What a miserable, picky cow, Dreary is - Lisa couldn’t have bliddy ‘bounced’ much more without making a hole in the floor.   

Nicki Westlife and the Lone Brunette:-
Hahahahahaahaha - that’s the best he’s ever looked! Should have kept the hat on, though! What strange music for a quickstep! I’m not at all struck on her choreography- but the eejit joodges are and all are a-gush with praise!

And finally -

Luscious Louis and Fast Flavia:-
Blimey - even as the only person in the UK who *didn’t* like the film ‘Dirty Dancing’ and despite not liking Louis’ silly hairstyle - identified by one eagle-eyed and very witty poster on another forum not far from here as ‘looking as if he has a Pontefract cake stuck to his head’ - this was *awesome* from start to finish! The audience, bums numb from repeated shocks and finally having grasped what was happening to them at the conclusion of each dance, sprang to their feet before the voltage surge and clapped their little hands, yelled their silly heads off and stamped their feet as if their lives depended on it. This reaction seemed to irritate Pop Goodman a lot and Dreary a little, so to pay Louis and Flav back for causing the audience applause to cut their ’commenting time’ short, they tried to damn the adorable athlete and partner with faint praise - how childish!

Right - I shall stick in some smilies and rush to post this and find out who went home - it had better not be one of my favourites!


Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

Posted By: Bren
Date Posted: 21 Oct 2012 at 00:36
haha good stuff Aida
Hahahahahaahaha - that’s the best he’s ever looked! Should have kept the hat on, though! What strange music for a quickstep! I’m not at all struck on her choreography- but the eejit joodges are and all are a-gush with praise!

Posted By: Tups
Date Posted: 21 Oct 2012 at 00:40
was definitely a show of 2 halves... bad and slightly better,, hard work sitting through it wasn't it?.. worth it just for your blog Aida xx

Posted By: BambionIce
Date Posted: 21 Oct 2012 at 10:14
Brilliant, Aida!  Thank goodness we have you to make sense of the utter dross we're being told is marvellous this year!

Posted By: Bren
Date Posted: 21 Oct 2012 at 18:17
hi sha Sha Sha welcome to the BR and nice to see you posting as this is just a blog thread have moved your post - The general chat thread for the show for sat  (we open a new thread in general section each week )- I do hope you will not leave it so long until your next post Big%20smileThumbs%20Up

Posted By: Thess
Date Posted: 23 Oct 2012 at 06:38
Originally posted by Aida

Ooh la la .......... looks like Bellatrix Lestrange after a makeover by ‘Tarts R Us‘! 

Best read of the week Aida. Can we get you a spot on ITT?! Big%20smile

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.

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