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SCD Blog Week 3

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Andrew View Drop Down

Joined: 04 Oct 2014
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    Posted: 25 Oct 2015 at 11:02
My Thoughts
Tonight’s offerings comes not from the comfort of the living room, as unfortunately for me I’ve been shunted off to the spare room – the wife’s work mates are coming round to watch the show and let’s just say they aren’t very fond of me – the last time they embraced us with their presence they foolishly underestimated my hearing skills and I heard whispers from the living room (I was making drinks for them in the kitchen) of ‘that conked out man of yours is beneath you – get rid!’ and another of these kind ladies said ‘get the divorce started now – or just kill him and say it was a heart attack – you’ll get insurance!’

After the cat (Martha) heard these remarks she swiftly went to avenge her master, climbing on the table and just as one of the ladies said ‘what a cute moggy’ in a voice more simpering and wet than that Alex Jones lass on the show a few years ago, Martha knocked a glass of wine on to her lap – I couldn’t help but chuckle as all of the ‘workmates’ were off like a hare!

The wife was angry but apologetic to me – but her and her lovely mates clearly made amends quickly!

Anyway, me and the cat are sitting on a rock hard sofa which does your neck in if you lean against it – but at least we’ve got fries and chicken from McDonalds, the cat initially with half the chicken, but now with all of it as she pounces it from my plate, then leaves the room. For her sake I hope she’s wise enough to avoid the living room.

On with the show, and I’m already annoyed – oh shut up Daly, you Salford simpleton (yes, yes – I know she’s from Cheshire – but that doesn’t really have the same ring to it) – we’re not all on an intellectual par with you, we don’t need all this ‘previously on Strictly’ stuff!

It's movie week - no doubt an excuse for needless props, backing dancers and routines having even less of a resemblance to the dances they're supposed to - another great idea from the Strictly producers!

Tedious opening routine - I thought we'd seen the last of bikes on this show after Pendleman!

Daly seems to be missing the belt this week - probably the first time ever, while Winklepicker's outfit is ok, almost glamorous - both are improvements from last week's frocks which made me seek out brain bleach.

Tedious judges 'introduction' - yawn!

Oh, get on with it - yes, we know the judges will be scoring the routines and there'll be a vote - now can someone dance?

Finally, someone's on, and it's Carol & Pasha:-
What dance are they supposed to be doing - Ah - it's a Quickstep - and a seemingly very slow one. As much as poor Carol tries, she can't dance - dreadful!

Is 'enjoying yourself' a substitute for good dancing nowadays - oh wait, it's Old Pa Goodman - she could turn up and knee that Italian irritant Bruno in the crown jewels, stomp off and he'd still find someway to compliment her - although I'd *certainly* like to see that!

Taxi for Carol!

Am I the only one that finds Winklepicker as funny as the black death?

Antony & Oti:-
I *don't* want to see that one-armed boxer and Oti boxing - I'd prefer to see them dance, although that seems to be rarity on this show.

It's a lousy performance - surprisingly the audience weren't all on their feet, although the usual hysterical whooping and clapping continues. Can't be bothered to listen to the judges comments - they'll be the usual tedious fest, so instead I get my book 'The Faceless Killers' out for a few minutes - much more enjoyable than this show!

Back now after a very short break - who's on now?
Rats, it's Katie & Anton:-
Didn't catch most of the dance so can't really comment, but I'm sure she'll have been wonderful and a treat to watch. Hooray! Get the the party poppers out - someone actually mentioned the significant lack of content! Revel-Horrid and the Italian irritant seemed to be *very* critical of Anton after being up his @rse for the last two weeks - wonder what's going on there? Not that I'm complaining!

Don't get in that taxi yet, Carol, it may be needed for someone else! Wishful thinking, probably!

Kellie & Kevin:-
What in the name of Nancy are they wearing? Well, she's a bubbly little thing - I like her, and - wait a minute, I think I'll need resuscitation for the shock - a couple are doing a routine resembling the dance it's supposed to - and dancing it very well! The judges give it deservedly high praise - no doubt dull Jay and Po-faced Peter will get more.

Fully deserved scores!

Ainsley & Natalie:-
Penguin themed - what a horrible outfit - and when it looks bad on Natalie you know it's a horrible get up. Doesn't seem to be much Cha-x3 in it - but he still managed to entertain me, more than can be said for a lot of the 'celebs'. I admit it wasn't very good, but not as universally awful as that Revel-Horrid seemed to think.

Blimey, two positive 'reviews' in a row I've given! I must being going soft.

Daly and Winklepicker are a very well suited pair - they're both lousy presenters with horrible dress senses and criminally unfunny at the same time.

Georgia & Giovanni:-
Can't abide him, and not a big fan of that skeletal creature either - I thought it was about as 'sexy' as cataracts! Dreary is annoying me again, as per - although it could be worse, one user on another forum not far from here suggested Gurner Hardy should be on the panel - if I ever heard a whiff she was joining I'd be off like a hare and never, ever come back! Glad Old Pa Goodman is addressing the lack of Rumba.

Helen & Aljaz:-
Never watched that midwife programme - and her plugging it on a 'dancing' show won't suddenly make me want to. It was ok, and she seems like a nice gal - but as nice as she seems, I can't help but compare her to a robot - maybe her and Dreary are actually pieces of artificial intelligence in disguise - well, Helen is very fond of Dreary, it seems - Dar-ci and Hell-en.

Daniel & Kristina:-
Cringeworthy - no doubt the pensioners will be out in force voting like mad for the Botoxed old codger - not my mum, she finds him as repulsive and boring as I do.

Speechless at how horrible it was - though at least if I'm looking for a mirror I can look at O'Botox's shiny face!

Less than an hour left - I think I'll pop open the champagne when it's finished in celebration - oh wait, it'll have been all used up by my wife and her oh-so lovely friends!

Kirsty & Brendan:-
Dogs won't make me vote for her - and if I'd known she'd be dressed like this I'd have had some eye drops prepared to wash the sight away! As you might've guessed, I hated the frock and that automatically put me off the dance - which seemed a bit dull as well. Not much to say on these two!

Peter & Janette:-
Pirates, how thrilling - only joking, I found it as thrilling as watching Dreary Bussell droning on for five hours without stopping - here's a message to the Beeb, don't ever give Dreary a chat show! Didn't seem that good to me - and Kellie's dance was much better. Can't stand the pair of them - he's got all the charm and personality of Daniel O'Botox's forehead and she irritates me no end - I don't know how that EastEnder Jake managed 12 weeks with her last year!

Jamelia & Tristan:-
Another awful vt - I like her as much as I like getting pins poked in my eyes and she's a lousy dancer as well. Poor Tristan, getting that ungraceful bull Jennifer Gibney last year and a squealing banshee this year! Calm down, you giddy woman!

Jeremy & Karen:-
I quite like Tim Vine and nice to see someone 'visit' a contestant in a vt who isn't a cute child or animal! Well he's trying his best, and put a smile on my face after four lousy routines in a row. Not too mad for a man of his age either.

On how much it cheered me up, fully deserved scores from Dreary, Old Pa and the Italian irritant!

The clock says five-past-eight - not long to go!

Anita & Gleb:-
I won't bother mentioning the CBeebies esque vts anymore. She's turning into one of my favourites - I wasn't a big fan of the routine but I'll won't let it cloud my judgement just this once. I am, of course, completely unbiased. Sorry for not saying much on these two - it's been a long two hours and I'm feeling quite tired.

Jay & Aliona:-
One of my least favourites to finish the show - he has the personality of a cardboard box - I must make sure I don't fall asleep while he's speaking! Ok, ok - it was good, I begrudgingly admit - but still can't abide him. Goodness me, Dreary - you're very boring, have I said that before?

The audience seem to have been hypnotised into cheering as loudly as possible, and the squealing coming from my telly right now is enough to tempt me to get a hammer and smash it up. Calm down, you simple souls!

10? For that - quick, get the sedative nurse, Bruno's been on the chinzano bianco!

Hope you enjoyed the blog - I'm in a bit of a grumpy mood and any feedback would be nice - I have a nasty itch that's been annoying me all day - I neglected to mention it earlier as I don't want to appear as boring and dreary as Dull Darcey!   
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