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Are we nearly there yet?

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Joined: 02 Apr 2007
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  Quote Tango Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Are we nearly there yet?
    Posted: 18 Dec 2012 at 09:14
Fabulous as always Aida. I look forward to reading this before i catch up with the show - so i can fast forward through Pop & Tess & Video clips and... Well actually just watch the dancing!
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The Queen Of Tarts

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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Dec 2012 at 18:20
Aida.. I will never go into a car wash again without seeing Mandy Dingle dancing like as dirvish towards me.. that cracked me up!
I'm sorry the series is coming to an end.. only because I'll miss your blog and life in the pyramid.. can we tempt you to write a blog occasionally on life throughout the year.. would love to know how you, the hubba and the cats are doing.. in the meantime.. thank you for letting us into your life and making Strictly somewhat bearable for another series
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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Dec 2012 at 09:52
"The Stepford Ballerina Repair Team"LOL Aida, that's an absolute classic!
Miss Tippex has a similar annual battle with the tree - it as entertaining for the first couple of days, but now she's a mature lady (supposedly!) of four the novelty's rather worn off.
Welcome back!
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Dec 2012 at 00:31
oh we missed you last week Aida !!! thank you for a great read
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Dec 2012 at 23:58
As a little catch-up before we kick-off, thank you all for your kind words and sympathy while I was AWOL last week! Clap

Here at the Pyramid, we’re currently in the throes of the annual ‘Solomon vs. The Christmas Tree’ battle -  the tree’s still outside, leaning up against the wall and not even out of its netting coat yet, but Sol’s been up it three times, pulled it over twice, and had the whole street raised by his furious screams when he got his claws caught in the netting this afta and had to be freed by the hubba and his trusty Swiss Army Knife! LOL
It’ll be a nightmare when we actually have it up - we put decorations on it, the cats take them back off again - and one of them, Princess Lola is the chief suspect, manages to make a neat incision in almost every present under the tree as well as removing the decorative bows and hiding them in her secret store underneath our bed.

We might have the tree, but we’re nowhere near ready for Christmas - mostly because I took my eye off the job when I was so ill last week and confined to bed. I spent last Saturday night wearily listening to the hubba’s muted peals of laughter from the living-room and the rattle of ice in glasses as he made himself drinks and watched all of his favourite Laurel and Hardy films which I’ve previously refused to watch with him and condemned as being ‘too childish’

I suppose I should let him watch ‘The Polar Express’ tonight while I write my blog up - the cats all like it - well - any sort of cartoonish thing - so once the blighters are all full to the brim with Chinese food and blinking sleepily at the TV screen, I can arm myself with a decent drink and slope off and write it in peace! nod

Okay - on to the show …
D’you know, if I didn’t have bad luck this year, I wouldn’t have any luck at all!  The second week that  I was laid low with yet another bliddy virus and couldn‘t manage to do the blog, I missed what seemed to the best show for proper dancing since those glorious days when Il Divino and Alesha won it - not to mention that on a personal amusement level,  I also missed Lisa Wotsit’s masterly impression of one of those whirly things that zoom toward you to give your car a good scrub when you’re in the car-wash!  LOL

Oh well - never mind, it’s the penultimate week (hooray!) so let’s press on,  onward and upward … because we're nearly there! Clap

Oh, God help us!   I’d completely forgotten that they’d be doing two dances each in the semi-final! Blimey, what a bliddy week to make a comeback!  Angry  I hope the idiotic BBC aren’t labouring under the delusion that  they’re spoiling us -  and we’re off - and *what* a  tasteful opening -  a homage to Benny Hill to really cement the tone of the show for all of us mugs who watch it!   Shocked

And here he comes, the silly old dodderer, he can hardly shuffle along almost in time to the music nowadays and I see that he and that walking personality-free zone Daley have finally given up the awkward grab, bend and show gusset nonsense as they draw alongside each other.  He sounds as if a severe cold is either imminent or retreating  - woohoo -  tonight could well be the night he keels over.  nod   Tactless Tess seems to have wound  a black chiffon sheet around herself, set off, of course, by the black version of the sacred belt - Vermin hasn’t been promoted to glory while I had the latest virus, has he? Wink

No! No!  Gnasher has the lovely Thor prisoner!  Shocked

Okay, time to settle down and get on with it - as usual, for semi-finals, I’ll be commenting on both dances under one ’cupple’ heading - but the first thing I want to establish in my own mind  is this - how are the powers-that-be going to ensure that the Impostor wins?    Aha, yes, I see -  they’re very cunning - it appears that  the plan is to put two of the best cupples on first, then by the time 8pm rolls around, the goldfish minds of the majority of the viewers will have forgotten all about them!Whistle

God in Heaven, I’m just going to  allow myself  a last aside -  I bliddy hate Pop Forsyth soooo much - with or without ‘the flu’ - and - we’re off - and it‘s just as I thought, so out of Italian solidarity with un vero figlio della bella Italia, I’m not doing the lithping!

Danni Beaker and mio amato Vinthente:-

Dance 1 - American Smooth
Really beautiful - the music music, dress and dance!  I'm definitely going to see V and F when they come to Newcastle next year, and I’m sure a lot of people watching feel the same way - which is why, one of them - V or F - is clearly doomed tonight because the BBC powers-that-be need bums on seats at their own SCD pantomime, and are hardly going to encourage the fangirls to vote for either member of a cupple who have the audacity to put together a successful show and  earn money for themselves!  With that in mind, it came as no surprise that the comments were exactly as expected - gushy, but not quite gushy enough!  Angry

Dance 2 - Argentine Tango -
Oh, Lord, how beautiful was that?  I simply adored it from well before the first note to the very last, lingering note.   Wonderful and proper tango music,  fabulous dress, moves and choreography - now that was actually worth 40 marks!  I can’t wait for the show to be over so that I can watch it again a few hundred times, and if they seem to be in the  slightest danger of being booted, I shall be voting for them - a lot!  In fact, I think I’ll spend a couple of quid voting for both V and F anyway, just to spite the Beeb - which, when you think about it, is a quite ridiculous thing to do as the Beeb never, ever publish the voting figures so, in theory, they could name any ’cupple’ they favour the winner !  Oh, shut the f*ck up, Dreary, you nit-picking ninny! Shocked

To nobody’s surprise, Luscious Louis and Fast Flav are up next - the powers-that-be are  living in Cloud Cuckoo Land if they really believe that the Luscious One is in any way forgettable, but despite the screaming, stamping, standing ovations he gets from the studio audience almost every week - usually ignored by the judges - I’m worried for everyone who isn’t The Impostor tonight! Sleepy

Before we get to see eyes on the Luscious or the Fast One, we have to endure an atrocious, bumbling attempt at comedy and ’getting down with da kids’  by the Old Fool, whose sinuses seem to  be bubbling like the three witches from Macbeth’s cauldron - and, of course, we have to see  Louis’ heartwarming moment  - all he gets is some hobbit in a woolly hat who  has apparently turned up to give him advice!  I had no idea that hobbits were jive-experts, I thought they more or less restricted themselves to destroying Rings of Doom or pinching treasure from dragons,  but I suppose such things are thin on the ground nowadays - and they’re all entitled to earn a crust  …

Luscious Louis and Fast Flav:
Dance 1 -The Jive
I hate the jive, but this one  looked okay - it was lively and energetic and I loved it!   Yoohoo, Man in the Hat!   Here we go with the comments, and just as I predicted, t’joodges are united in damning them with faint praise - Dreary naturally gives her faint praise at yawnsome length -  bliddy Pop Goodman tears off his ’Nice Old Bloke’ mask and sticks the boot in mercilessly - and the other two ramble on a bit before giving middling scores which don’t really reflect the audience reaction to the lovely pair at all!  So  - just as I feared, the blow has been struck  to  minimise the chances of a Flavia win which could enable her and Vincent to pinch even more pennies from the Beeb.with their own tour!  Angry

Dance 2 -  The Foxtrot
Laughing - good for Louis, I suspect his ‘saucy’ calendar will be finding its way into quite a few young gels’ Christmas stocking this year.  I wouldn’t mind one meself, but I’m about a hundred years too old for such indulgences! Wink
Well, what’s to say?  The foxtrot is a gorgeous dance when it’s well done, but it’s scarcely the most exciting dance ever, is it? It was gorgeous, everything about it was beautiful, but I could sense the faint praise looming - and here it comes, courtesy of Pop Goodman and augmented by Dreary and Revile-Horrid - Oh, just ask him out, Bruno, you’re making a right mincha of yourself!   I don‘t care - I suspect it’s a total waste of money, but  I shall definitely be voting for them - and not just at the prospect of seeing the nearest contender to a younger, more brunette  Il Divino wearing ‘less clothing’! (why haven’t we got a ‘blushing’  smilie on The Blue?)

And here they come, the 2012 winners of our show -  shut up, Aida, not yet, you silly tart, that's in next week's script!     Oh for God’s sake, here we go again - bliddy Dressgate! And now the kid is being wheeled out to nail the heartwarming ’Vote for me’ factor - I’ve seen ‘murder mystery’ dramas which have been less contrived! Sleepy

The Impostor and The Jordan Boor:-
Dance 1 -The Tango
I don’t know which tango, no doubt they’ll do steps from both ballroom  and Argentine tango, fall down twice, accidentally kick a member of the audience in the teeth and render them unconscious, then she’ll kick Jordan in the bollox (yes!) and finally her gusset will split from stem to stern in the final move - but they’ll still get the highest score of the night! Whistle

Dance 2 - The Rumba
The only roombas I’ve ever liked were Il Divino and Alesha’s - and - my favourite ever, one from the magnificent Colin Jackson and La Boag.  This didn’t come near either of them - I don’t think it helped very much to dance it in a shroud - and I absolutely hate dances which include rolling the floors!
Boring and tedious, the audience might be standing because of the seat voltage but the applause isn’t exactly deafening!  Len and Bruno are obediently reciting their given script but they don’t sound terribly sincere! I’m now beginning to accept - wearily - that nothing, bar the Maya having got their dates wrong and the world ending tomorrow teatime is going to prevent them winning - or for being given full marks for that 90 seconds of tedium.
Oh God, listen to Van O bleating on mawkishly to Tactless - and now Jordan’s joined in! I could easily throw up, but I daren’t even mimic it because the hubba will think the virus is back and cancel the Chinese takeaway - and Solly, Orli, Lola and me are famished!

Yes - yawn - as expected. the seat-voltage on t’joodges table must have been cranked up to ‘near-fatal’ level - t’joodges are gushing with such force, the fire-brigade are standing by to prevent the bliddy studio being flooded with saliva.
Yes - yawn - what a surprise at the scores, eh - God help us, what a bliddy pail of sick!  Angry

Here’s Pop Forsyth again - is it just me, or does he seem to be increasingly confused as the programme goes on?  No, you old p*ss-head, your voice didn’t sound ‘sexy’ even when I was an innocent, wide-eyed child of five, staring at the telly and screaming, “Turn it off, Mammy, turn it off! Dat fwightening ol' man is on again”!

Who’s next - right - the Girl Aloud and Pashion - last week’s ‘top cupple’ - and in a sterling attempt to upstage The Imposter, Kimerly (as t’joodges call her) has dragooned in her entire family for the heartwarming spot! Yawn! Sleepy

Dance 1 - American Smooth
What dance was that then? I’m stumped!  Yes, yes, actually who cares whatever it was it  was very good - lovely frock, strange impersonation of Peggy Lee from the female resident singer - but, what’s this - t’joodges have turned down the gush-meter by several degrees, not that you’d know from Dreary‘s efforts! I wonder if there’s anything in the world she loves as much as the sound of her own voice droning on and on and on and on   Bruno’s no actor is he - that was a very half-hearted attempt at a cadenza, but never fear, here comes Revile-Horrid to go against the grain and praise them to the skies!

Dance 2 - The Charleston
I like the Charleston  -  and while Kimerly’s not a great favourite of mine, I really, really loved that one! It was fun and I always enjoy Pashion’s  choreography - for me, he’s a real asset to the show, if he’s asked to do a dance, he does it properly and tailors  it to showcase his celebrity, not himself!  Excellent!
Much more enthusiasm from t’joodges now - the behind-the-scenes statisticians must have finished their calculations and given them the green light to award full marks - which they absolutely deserved!  Clap

Lisa Dingle and the Kwik-fit Fitter:-

I’m so, so, so sick of this pair - yes, yes, wheel on the heartwarming nephew and get it over with, then  get on, get on, get on!

Dance 1 - erm - a Latin dance, I wouldn’t hazard a guess as to what it was!
Here they come - yippee - she’s reprising the car-wash scrubber thingy look again - but this time it‘s a runaway, rogue car-wash thingy which has spun off it‘s spindle! LOL
Absolutely bliddy lousy, despite an obvious attempt by a half-naked Robin to distract the viewer from the hideous car-crash of whatever Latin dance they were supposed to be doing complete with the total fail of a floor-spin which, at one point, appeared to stand in imminent danger of requiring two big lads and a wheelbarrow to be summoned!
Oh right - it was a salsa, was it, Bruno!  Just shut up, idioto - you’re proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that cold medications and alcohol don’t mix.  Dreary’s speech is now so slow she seems to need a change of batteries - quick - someone call the ’Stepford Ballerina Repair Team’ -  and Revile-Horrid seems to be on the brink of actual hysteria as he struggles to say something - anything - remotely encouraging.
To nobody’s surprise, the scores given are high enough to put  L and F and V and D in peril, should the fangirls respond to Lisa’s heartfelt pleas to be ‘in the Final’
Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t want to see her in the bliddy final, as I’ve said before,  she’s  a nice enough lass and I like a laugh as much as the next person, but I’ve been fed-up with her antics since Week 3.

Dance 2 - American Smooth
I can’t really see this reminding me of Fred and Ginger - it didn’t, but it was sort of  ‘all right’ and it was  very clever of Robin to find a valid reason for her ever-present ‘jazz hands’!  I have a horrible, horrible feeling that Louis and Flavia are being lined up to get the bullet this week - I realise, of course, that their departure  would serve two purposes - no risk of them coming up with a scintillating routine which would upstage ‘The Chosen Cupple’, and good old Lisa would be there and poised to take the fall first in the final and leave the way clear for a narrow Van Outen victory over two better dancers!

Oh well - I’ll know soon enough - from the noises coming upstairs, The Polar Express has reached its destination, unnoticed by the hubba who is snoring like a pneumatic drill and probably covered in a blanket of cats!  He was made up earlier tonight when the chap from the Chinese presented him with a Christmas card and calendar! LOL

*Curses - I've spent bliddy ages putting smilie codes in - and now I find that you can just put them in as you go along and have had to do them all again - and the italics and stuff too!  Gaaarrgggghh! Angry

Edited by Aida - 16 Dec 2012 at 08:21

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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