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What fools these mortals are ...

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: What fools these mortals are ...
    Posted: 24 Nov 2012 at 23:20

I’ve had another *horrible* week - the cats were all laid low by some kind of weird virus and went off their food - they were sleeping so much, at one point I feared they’d been bitten by a tsetse fly.

They’re all fine now, and lined up on the draining-board looking forward to their Chinese supper!
Unfortunately they’re doomed to disappointment tonight as they seem to have passed their virus on to the hubba and I - so now *we’re* slumped in front of the telly like a pair of zombies and not up to eating our usual exotic tucker - we’re trusting our digestive systems to a plain supper of ham broth and dumplings!

Needless to say, alcohol is also off the menu, and this week’s blog proves the assumption that comedy is more easily and readily perceived and enjoyed if the mood is lifted by an alcoholic beverage or three!

I apologise in advance for missing the usual mark of mindless frivolity and hilarity - and ask you to bear in mind that this week’s offering was composed without the benefit of any ‘anaesthetic’ whatsoever - hence the title!

Okay - what nonsense have they dreamed up to avoid any reference to or invoke the memory of proper dancing this week? God knows - judging by the banal video intro I assume the theme might be ’Corny American Sit-Coms’ as the footage seems to be a parody of the popular ( but never watched by me) comedy show ‘Fiends’ - no, don’t ’message’ me - that’s *not* a spelling mistake!

Oh, I’m so not in t’mood for this - I’m too sober and the old fool Forsyth seems very confused and it’s only 6:40 - mind you, the sight of Tactless Tess in that grey polyester shroud can’t have helped orientate him. Note to Vermin - the thick black leather belt wasn’t enough to detract from the general drabness, dear!

Dear me - Pop F really *is* confused and discombobulated - surely retirement beckons? I mean, there’s going to come a time when they won’t let him out of the Retirement Home on Saturdays and judging by tonight’s performance, it’s not far off!

Who the hell’s ‘Sarah Cox’? Well, whoever she is, she’s Gnasher’s ‘Prisoner of the Week’ - and may God have mercy on her soul!

Hooray - this’ll cheer me up - we’re kicking off with …

Danni Beaker and mio caro Vinthente:-
They’re doing the tharmba - and the theemth to be wearing one of Aletha’th old frockth let out at the back, and several of Aletha’th old hairpiethes too - but - never mind, caro Vinthent wath wonderful and I liked the danthe even though I hated the muthic!

Up rise the audience like a tsunami wave - that should reassure the producer that the electrified seats are working! The joodges look as miserable as I feel - maybe the Beeb have closed the Green Room bar again and they haven’t had a drink either? That must by why Bruno seems quite calm, Craig seems quite pleasant so far and Dreary - well - she’s dreary as per and a sarmba expert to boot!    
Good and deserved scores - I just can’t help wondering who they’re trying to manipulate the marks to get rid of this week?

I like Vinthent sooooo much, I’m seriously considering going to see him and Fast Flav when they come to Newcastle with their ‘Midnight Tango’ tour.

The Girl Aloud and Pashion:-
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph - I think I’m going to throw up - where’s the bliddy sedative nurse - this bollox from Forsyth *can’t* possibly be scripted!

Poor Pashion - he doesn’t really think he can expect ‘acting’ from a Girl Aloud does he? He’ll be wanting her to sing instead of mime next!
Nice gown, terrible, newly-shaved prison hair on Pashion, ghastly music!   I’m sure t’joodges and the lunatic audience will think it’s wonderful, and I know it’s meant to be quite stylised but it’s much too jerky for my taste. Not a patch on the tango danced by Il Divino and Alesha which was *gorgeous*! Happy days - I never needed to be tipsy to watch them!

Oh -oh - Bruno’s off on his first cadenza, Craig’s warbling on about nowt and for once Dreary has no tango tips to offer. Even Pop Goodman is quite enthusiastic - this must be ’we like all the cupples and they’re all going to get high marks’ week! We’ll know who they want rid of when the mood suddenly changes and the marks take a dive! My money’s on poor Michael the Cricketer!

Biker Vicky and Brenda(n):-
Well, she hasn’t exactly been sparkling so far, but the Beeb seem desperate to keep them in, so there could be some ‘adjusting’ of marks here - we’ll see.

Right - the bliddy salsa - well that’s a handicap to start with, it’s a lousy dance when it’s danced well and this isn’t being danced well by our Vicky - are lifts allowed now, or is Brenda(n) hoping for harsh words from t’joodges and a sympathy vote from the fangirls?

Dreary’s making words up now - a dangerous trait in the world of psychiatry - we’ll keep an eye on this! No adverse comments about the lifts, so they *must* be allowed - now Bruno’s up demonstrating, babbling and vaguely insulting everyone in sight!
Better hope for the sympathy vote, Brenda(n) - or you and Vicky could be taking the Michael the Cricketer slot!

Luscious Louis and Fast Flav:-
The Paso - blimey, that boy looks hot striking poses in rehearsals - blimey - they’re taking a risk doing a paso to music so ghastly it practically made me want to scream in frustration. It totally ruined any atmosphere the steps could have created - but it still looked fairly decent so why the f*ck have they got it in for the luscious one but lavish praise on the likes of the bliddy Girl Aloud and The Impostor?

Lisa Dingle and the Kwik-fit Fitter:-
I am frigging sick of seeing her bridling and smirking, lepping around dragging the fitter behind her and being praised to the skies by t’joodges. Dear me - the roomba - well, she can’t hide behind being energetic, quick and engaging this week and even though she’s lost a considerable amount of weight, the ’dance or lurve’ is going to take some application of suspending disbelief. I can’t think of anything kind to say, and I actually like her too much to risk being insulting so I’ll leave it to t’joodges to gush. They didn’t - which is sad because I’d much rather see The Impostor go than Lisa - but the scores belie the comments, and by the same token, I think she’s been awarded just enough to appear to have been better than Louis!

Michael the Cricketer and the wonderful Tina Sparkle:-
Argentine Tango - Oh dear - this one’s loaded with difficulties and dangers but Nat can cope - herself - but I‘m worried about poor Michael. Loved the music, she was fantastic and he did his best but I don’t doubt for a moment t’joodges will rubbish it - and to nobody’s surprise, here comes Bruno casting the first stone, Craig a handful of pebbles, Dreary droned about nowt - and then, to my amazement, Pop Goodman seemed to have a brain fart and remember that this show was once about dancing!

The Westlifer and the Lone Brunette:-
God, Pop Forsyth’s really getting on my t*ts tonight - I wouldn’t dare risk going to see the show live, I don’t trust myself not to burst out of the audience, hurl myself at him and try to throttle the life out of him and be hauled away by security!

I like the Charleston - well, I used to - I still think the Westlifer’s as stiff as an old crutch and I’m not struck on her choreography, but t’joodges and t’lunatic audience are orgasming so what do I know?

Oh, for the love of God - these scores are effing ridiculous!

Who’s left? No guessing required - it wouldn’t be a show without Punch and Judy!

The Impostor Van Outen and Jordan the Boor:-

Before they dance a single step, I’m predicting that they’ll get the highest score of the night because t’joodges have had their name on the Glitterball since Week One!
I bet the Beeb have got her lined up to ‘present’ some ghastly bliddy programme next year on the strength of winning SCD.   Oh bollox, this is not what I’d call ’American Smooth’ music and it was Far.too.Slow. - I thought it was supposed to be a quickstep or a foxtrot, not a death march! I give up - I’m going for a wee because I can’t bear to listen to even *more* undeserved (to my mind) ‘joodge orgasms‘!

Hmmm - no ‘10’s, eh - this must be a cunning plan.

Right - I’m off for me broth but I’ll be back later, to add smilies and post this!

I have a very bad feeling about Luscious Louis which is down - hopefully - to the effects of the virus, the lack of alcohol or whatever it is that’s wrong with us *this* week!
Needless to say, the hubba is in Seventh Heaven - he *loves* dumplings and I‘ve said he can have mine too, if I‘m not hungry enough to eat them!

Edited by Aida - 24 Nov 2012 at 23:22

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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Bren View Drop Down
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Nov 2012 at 23:53
thanks Aida still a great read hope you feel better soon - I hear Midnight tango is better than the SCD tour
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Catwoman View Drop Down
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  Quote Catwoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Nov 2012 at 00:04
Love it Aida as always hope you get better soon nod.

Did you watch Pointless our Ian was on it with the fool from Daybreak Gathaway whatever her name is he looked stunning. 

Edited by Catwoman - 25 Nov 2012 at 00:04
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  Quote Oscarat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Nov 2012 at 05:46
Missed a couple of the dances tonight while tending my poor doubly lame dog!  Actually it was more entertaining watching him cope with a lame left back leg and a gammy right front leg than some of the dancers tonight.  That said, thanks for the blog Aida, wonderful and entertaining as ever and you had my mouth watering at the mention of Broth and Dumplings.  MmmMmm.
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  Quote TashaK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Nov 2012 at 08:40
Thank you, Aida You're still on form even though you're poorly and not anaesthetised

Hope you're feeling better soon x
Before you criticise someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do criticise them you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.
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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Nov 2012 at 09:52
Thanks Aida -  and hope everyone's on the mend soon!!
I couldn't agree more about The Imposter!
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  Quote Force Ten Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Nov 2012 at 12:21
Sorry to hear the pussy cats have been ill and passed it on to you and the Hubba. I'm convinced my cat passes her cold on to me when she's got one!

Loved the review again - I have a feeling the reason why the judges appeared to be sober is because the old fart had drunk all the booze. I can't think of any other reason for his behaviour unless he's finally gone senile. The last two weeks have been quite painful to watch. He's obviously trying to outdo Tess after reading all the reviews in the papers saying how much better it was without him!

Judging might improve marginally now that the Finale of DWTS is tomorrow night so Len and Bruno won't have to keep schlepping backwards and forwards over the Atlantic which always puts Len in a bad mood. It doesn't seem to affect Bruno apart from making him more manic than ever.     
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  Quote BCfan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Nov 2012 at 15:32
Thank you Aida.  Wonderful.  I do hope you feel better soon.  I never feel the need to watch SCD these days.  I have never been a fan of pantomime (even though I love Christmas) and SCD is like that now.  Entertaining, and popular with millions of people.  Just not my thing, but I always love to come on here and read what Aida has to say about the latest instalment.  Love it.  Thank you Aida.
Bren, Midnight Tango is absolutely fantastic.  Highly recommend.  There is no dialogue at all in the show, but the audience watch the story unfold through dance.  Gorgeous, superb dancing, by all the cast.  You would think with no dialogue that the show would lose something, but if any of you ever get the chance to go and see the show, please do.  You will not regret it.  I bought the dvd following the show. whereas prior to going, I never thought it would be worth while. Every member of the cast, not just Vincent and Flavia are beautiful dancers.  Audience never knows where to look on the stage, all good.
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Nov 2012 at 17:25
Brilliant as usual Aida, I had pooter problems last night so didn't take as much interest as usual, I am so sick of Pop and Tactless it kinda goes over my head these days!
Hope you and Hubba and the felines are feeling better and the anaesthetic and Chinese feast are on form for nest weekend xx
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