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Wem-ber-lee, Wem-ber-lee ....

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Wem-ber-lee, Wem-ber-lee ....
    Posted: 17 Nov 2012 at 23:21

... but not as we know it - no Beautiful Game tonight, just a bunch of wallopers!

Oh, for the love of God - 'Dance through the Decades' - this is going to be beyond abysmal! I don’t effing believe it - but I can’t deny that *this* is a proper band, can I?

What the hell’s this garish mishmash supposed to be - right - it's lepping around through the decades - yawn - that shot of Big Lisa holding the Kwik-fitter up is getting really old!

Blimey - here comes Tactless in a half-decent frock - she must have been to Top Shop because that’s not one of Vermin’s - Oh wait a minute, it could well be - I hadn’t seen the strip of tinfoil down the sleeves and the black version of the sacred belt.

I see the Doddering Old Git’s full of himself after his ’rest’ and has clearly managed to outrun the sedative nurse - why the hell is he trying to rouse the already hysterical audience to greater heights of lunacy?

Will nobody every tire of this tedious Gangastyle or whatever it’s called nonsense? Oh get on, get on, get on - thank goodness we’re having a cold collation tonight seeing as it’s our birthday on Monday - we have some lovely things to eat and drink and the cats and me are famished!

Aww look - it’s poor little Russell who’s the Prisoner of the Week!

Who’s first up?

Lisa Dingle and the Kwik-fit Fitter:-
Good - it’ll get her over with early! I know, I know - she’s a nice enough lass, and I’m a sour old boot, but I’m pig-sick of her and her gung-ho, grinning good humour!

The sarmba, eh - with hot sarmba dancers - to Car Wash - sounds more like a ‘car-crash’ to me! Well, there are the two big lads, but where's the wheelbarrow - and why is the fitter stripped to the left garter? Blimey, she looks like a relentlessly grinning, bouncing chocolate orange - and look, Ma - she can do the splits!   

Just listen to the eejit audience - there are far too many of them to have electrified the seats, so I can only assume that a team of hypnotists were employed to zap them as they filed in through the turnstiles.

Speak for yourself, Goodman, she gets on my t*ts - Bruno’s three sheets to the wind already - Revile-Horrid seems to have had a good few swallows of vodka himself, and Dreary’s just - well - dreary, and as we all suspected, a sarmba expert.

Westlife Nicky and the Lone Brunette:-
Jailhouse Rock - this must be a jive - I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this but I hate the jive - wait a moment, I’m confused - if she’s supposed to be a prison warder, why is she dressed as a French Maid? Hmmmm- wardrobe are certainly getting their money’s worth out of that fake quiff - ahem - okay the dance - it looked a bit clumsy and clunky to me, but what do I know?

Hooray - the Man in the Hat waved! Yoohoo, Man in the Hat, from your fans in Durham.

Dear me - Bruno isn’t going to last the night at this rate and depth of cadenza - heavens, Dreary isn’t just an expert on every dance known to man, she’s also an expert physiotherapist - Oh, shut up, Pop - if he says ‘Yer came out …”, I’m switching off!

The Impostor and the Jordan Bore:-
*All* your jokes are from the turn of the century, you bliddy old windbag!
Surprise, surprise - they’re doing the Charleston. I can’t stand the blighters so I’m going for a wee and yelling to the hubba to fetch me another drink.
Well, I didn’t see it, but no doubt it was marvellous, wonderful, the dance of the night, yaaaaaaawwn!

Eeeek - is that teeny Jamie Cullen in the audience? Oh, it’s Lee Mead, is it - whoever he is! He looks like a Munchkin too!

Cue t’joodges fawning - well, of course it was ‘polished’, you silly tart - she’s practically a professional dancer - bliddy ridiculous her being in this show at all! Well, to nobody’s surprise, three 10’s!

Oh, be still my beating heart …

Luscious Louis and Fast Flav:-
American Smooth - well, I’m biased because I love the boy, but it looked fantastic to me, not least because there was plenty of quickstep in it.

Oh right, it wasn’t any good according to the Three Tensters! How the hell can Revile-Horrid talk it up and then give bliddy ‘7’? Right, because nothing can stand in the way of Van Outen and the Jordan boor!

ITV Richard and La Boag:-
The Salsa - I don’t like the salsa and I didn’t like ‘Wham'! I wish I’d saved my wee until now- and here we go, lots of props and fake-tanned blokes in yellow budgie-smugglers. Well, I quite like old Richard, but I’ve seen better salsas. This conversation is all a bit near-the-knuckle for a ‘family show’, isn’t it?   

Hang on, why’s Ooh la la stood bridling and simpering in the front of the shot behind Tactless? She’s not even in it now, is she?

Biker Vicky and Brenda(n):-
Good God, I’m practically speechless - a flying bike - I’ve never seen such bollox in my entire bliddy life! Great cape swirling from Brenda(n) - but - the music, which is this week’s insult to Queen, is ridiculous and totally unsuited to the paso, which is probably why it looked so weak throughout. The paso’s one of my favourite dances, so why, why, why can’t they use PROPER MUSIC for once?

Shut up, Tactless - we all know the audience are under deep hypnosis and programmed to cheer every time anyone speaks, coughs, farts or the music strikes up!

How many more are to go, it seems to have been on for hours and hours and I’m starving and starting to forget my tactics for keeping Solomon - fully recovered from his health scare - well away from my lobster and prawns and other delicious stuff.

Danni Beaker and Vinthent:-
What hath thith danthe to do with the Thixtieth? It’th very good though, becauthe Vinthent ith a lovely little danther - and I know Danni’th thuppothed to be tiny, but the’s a thturdy little thing, isn’t the - in that frock the lookth like a danthing chocolate-topped blancmange!
Good thcoreth - well detherved!

The Girl Allowed and Pashion:-
I don’t know how she dare show her face after that appallingly stupid shouty song on Children in Need - all right, I didn’t watch it, but my spies have told me it was beyond atrocious.
Oh, right - she’s going to ruin the sarmba, is she? Well, I don’t like her much and I didn‘t see much ‘bounce‘, but I like Pashion’s choreography - it was all right.
Quick, never mind the sedative, just bring the strait-jacket for Bruno - I know, I know - they haven’t been legal for 20 years, but nobody will know! Hell’s Bells - those scores are a bit much! Why are they sucking up to her, they’re not hoping she’ll turn up and ’sing’ - I use the term loosely - with Biffa and the rest of the gang, are they?

Michael the Cricketer and Tina Sparkle:-
American Smooth - well, she can usually be trusted to actually dance the proper steps - gorgeous gown, lovely music - brilliant routine - loved it! Best dance of the night for me.

Bruno’s now totally demented and seems to have managed to elude any attempts to restrain him - maybe the sedative nurse might consider calling in a vet who can operate a dart gun?

Well, that’s it for me, thank God - I’m off for the champagne buffet supper - we should have been going out but I cancelled it because I still feel too spotty although the hubba claims I haven’t got a spot on me. I don’t care, me, Solomon and Orlando are up for stuffing our faces while watching our beloved Barcelona!

Whew! Talk about saved by the bell - it seems I’m going to miss Girls Allowed (to get away with miming) and Tiny Kylie - hooray, hooray, HOOORAY!!!!


I’ll be back later to tart this up, put in some smilies and see who went - if it was Luscious Louis, you’ll never hear from me again!



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  Quote Catwoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Nov 2012 at 23:40
Aida that was brilliant; loved the comments on Bruno.  I think they should of Super Glued his pants to the chair although as a nurse that isn't polictically correct.

I thought you had more Cats?  Glad your better x x
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Nov 2012 at 12:33
I did have 'more cats' - I have a Siamese queen who keeps herself to herself so doesn't feature often in my blogs - and my poor little red-point Siamese died on the operating table 3 weeks ago!

Thank you very much for taking the time to comment - almost 300 views and no bugger else has - thanks a bunch to the rest of you - I don't know why I frigging bother!

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  Quote Catwoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Nov 2012 at 12:41
I am so sorry about your cat Aida I didn't realise. 
 
Your fab Aida keep up the good work nodKiss
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  Quote littlesue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Nov 2012 at 13:06
Funny as ever Aida, keep it up!! my cat had to be put down last week as he had AIDSCry
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Nov 2012 at 13:17
aww Aida we all appreciate your blog and as usual it was far better than the show you have a regular following on twitter who read the blog here as I post a link - last night I quickly put up the link before bed so why so many hits and no comments many twitter people read it without joining BR to comment but it is well appreciated the views show that
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Nov 2012 at 17:29
Aida..I;m here... but I'm late.. and I'm sorry
I love your blog, I only watch the program so I know what you're talking about.. as far as Strictly goes.. if you didn't write this blog, I ouldn't watch.. but you're the highlight of my weekend.. still giggling away at your description of the chocolate orange.. had a natter with Bren last night on the phone and we were saying how much we love this blog.. so thank you once again.. by the way.. I agree with nearly everything you say
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  Quote ministerscat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Nov 2012 at 17:50
a good read Aida
in our household Louis is favourite (Flavia get him concentrating on the dancing he is brilliant)
 
oh and I never want to see that biatchy old queen Biggins on tv again
Mike&Karen dance novices but SCD junkies
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  Quote Toots Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Nov 2012 at 20:17
Originally posted by ministerscat

a good read Aida
in our household Louis is favourite (Flavia get him concentrating on the dancing he is brilliant)
 
oh and I never want to see that biatchy old queen Biggins on tv again


Amen to that!
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Nov 2012 at 12:34
Thanks for the feedback and support - sorry for moaning - I'm still not very well and I was just feeling a bit alone and unloved!

So sorry to hear about your cat, Sue - for such small creatures, cats leave a massive hole in our hearts when they're gone.

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  Quote littlesue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Nov 2012 at 14:45
And in the pocket Aida, it cost me £250 to treat him and then to have him put down, my kids have to wait now till I'm paid in January for their Xmas PressiesBig%20smile
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  Quote Force Ten Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2012 at 00:15
I've only just read your review Aida.  I was actually at Wembley (we weren't hypnotised - or not that I noticed anyway!!) and I was one of the few who didn't keep leaping to my feet although I really enjoyed the show.  Not sure it translates that well to the small screen though.  I think most people leapt to their feet after the Kwik Fit Fitter's dance because they were so shocked that the chocolate orange actually thumped to the ground at the end.  You could almost feel the foundations shaking!LOL

Natalie and Michael were definitely the best although goodness knows what he's going to do with an Argentine Tango next week!

Thanks for all your brilliant work and hope you feel fully rcovered next week.nod
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  Quote BCfan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2012 at 18:07
Brilliant as usual Aida.  thank you.  I cannot even be bothered to watch the show anymore. I stopped some time ago as you knownod.  I used to manage watching the odd minute but now I do not even bother to do that, but I have stopped criticising it as I know vasy numbers of people love the show.  I do, however, always make a point of reading your review.  Never go a week without doing that.  Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.Clap.
 
I do hope you will feel A1 soon, and so sorry to hear about a member of your feline family.  Hard I knownod
 
 


Edited by BCfan - 22 Nov 2012 at 17:34
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