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By the pricking of my thumbs ...

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: By the pricking of my thumbs ...
    Posted: 28 Oct 2012 at 00:53


… something wicked this way comes!

I don’t doubt it - but first of all we have to sit through the usual corny ‘intro’ with commentary by a rather demented-sounding Tactless Tess!

Oh, get on, do, you silly tart! I’m a bit fratchy tonight, mostly because I put too much fabric softener in the washer last week and now I’ve broken out in an itchy rash which is DRIVING ME EFFING MAD!

Ahem, sorry about that - well, here we are - Hallowe’en again and the BBC obviously hell-bent on wasting oodles of licence-payers money on extravagant rags and ghastly make-up - Oh wait … that’s not news, they do it every week on this show and, to be fair, the application of ’zombie’ make-up has improved the appearance of some of the pro dancers considerably.

I was having soothing ointment applied to my back by the reluctant hubba when the silly old buffer Forsyth made his entrance, so (thankfully) I missed it, but - Good God Almighty - is Tactless wearing a US army surplus parachute sort of fashioned into a frock? I don’t think you’ll sell many of those, Vermin-dear - well - not in that shade of khaki!

When are they actually going to start doing some dancing? D’you know, if the producers cut out all of this slavering on from Pop Forsyth, and the ludicrous videos which have largely replaced training footage, this could be an hour long show.

Christ - he’s trying to dance now - where, Oh where is the sedative nurse? Did she call in sick? The old fool is raving and Tactless must have had the lion’s share of the liquid refreshment on offer in the Green Room Bar because the simpleton is shouting like a fishwife and sounds out of her head.

Bring on the dancers - quick!

DanI Beaker and Vinthent
What the hell are thethe two got up ath? Characterth from ‘Thcooby-Doo’!   Hell’th Bellth - how old do the producerth think the viewing audienthe are - thev-en?
Well, the danthe looked okay, if a bit dull, whatever it wath thuppothed to be - I wath thtill in thock and trying to get over the cothtumeth and not thcratch mythelf!

Blimey - Dreary appears to be wearing a Vermin one-shoulder only creation, accentuated by Butler and Wilson skull jewellery, which actually looks okay until she opens her gob and begins to drone on in her usual boring, bossy, know-it-all manner.

Up in the Eagle’s Nest, Tactless has pre-empted Bruno to the first cadenza of the evening - if I was the sedative nurse, I would give my entire stock to her I.V. the next time the cameras are off her!

Who’s next?

ITV Richard and La Boag:-
A paso - one of my favourites if danced to good music and this music is wonderful! Well, to my amateur eyes, this was highly dramatic and enjoyable - a view apparently shared by the baying loonies in the audience. Hmmm - this usually means that the joodges will slate it - and 3 out of 4 do just that - only the People’s Friend, Pop Goodman is enthusiastic, unfortunately sharing too much information about his personal training habits before lapsing into default ‘Yer came out ‘ere …’ mode!

Get on, get on, get on - I’m famished - and still a bit itchy, despite two showers and copious applications of anti-itch cream. I’m not the only one in the wars, my darling black baba, Solomon, has hurt his front leg while lepping around the house in his usual frenzied manner. He’s been to the vet this morning, but the useless creature the hubba let examine him seems to have made matters worse, so I’ll take him back on Monday and demand to see someone with sufficient brain-power to think an X-ray might give a better insight into what is wrong with a limb than simply staring at it!   
Anyway, Solly’s lying on a cushion by my side, stuffed to the brim with prawns, and being Mamma’s brave little injured soldier rather than the bane of the house - bless him.
We’re having an Indian takeaway this week, seeing as I’m sick of the Shouting Man’s choice of victuals he thinks might appeal to us rather than what we order - and I’m starting to feel sulky as well as famished since I’m off the booze because it seems to make my itching worse but the hubba isn’t and has just taken a long glug of G&T and given a satisfied little sigh.

Gaaaarrrgggghhhhh!

Right - it’s ...

Lisa Dingle and the Kwik-fit fitter:-
Well, the costumes are lost on me, I haven’t a clue who they’re meant to be - and yes, she’s wonderful and full of life and light on her feet - and I’m sorry but I’m fed up with the forced jollity and seeing more or less the same dance every week! This week’s effort was more pantomime than Charleston - and they seemed to be wrestling at the end! Win by clean pin to the Fitter!

Next!

Sid Eastender and Ooh la la:-
Damn - she’s back! I hoped it was going to be that nice Evita who I like a hundred times more than Ooh and her pole dances. Well, this was a total yawn from start to finish - awful costumes, props and rolling the floors - what was to like?

Nicki Westlife and The Lone Brunette:-
Well, from what I understood of his pre-match ramblings, the lad seems totally deluded and is hoping to get a 10! That must be why he turned up disguised as Elton John, perhaps he thought he’d appeal to Craig and Bruno?

Eeek - it seems to have worked on Bruno who launches into his first cadenza of the evening - sit down, stolto, and stop throwing yourself at the lad!

Okay - and now it’s …

The Diet Liar and Comrade Teethski:-
Are they in costume? They look the same as they always do - her dumpy and matronly, him with teeth and bare chest flashing.   Never mind, at least he has an excuse for doing his usual show dance as it’s an American Smooth - Oh God - to ‘Killer Queen’!
Why have the band got it in for ‘Queen’? It’s an insult to Freddie’s memory, as is this deadly dull and sedate dance! Bor-ing!

Up in the Eagle’s Nest, that cauldron is coming to the boil - quick somebody - chuck Tactless in!

Who’s next? Oh, right … it’s …

The Impostor and Gobby Jordan:-
Blimey - she’s a lesson to us all that over-curled hair and too much rouge are to be avoided over a certain age - and he’s forgotten to top up his Grecian 2000! Can’t be @rsed with them - she shouldn’t be there, and he’s a boor - but for the record, it was dull, dull, dull!

Hahahahaha - trust Bruno to imply that she looked like Cupid Stunt ( younger forum members, Cupid was a character on the Kenny Everett show)- he’s not wrong!

Tactless is getting worse by the second - she sounds positively demented - perhaps she’s had her yearly appraisal and been advised to have more personality? Trouble is, she had none to build on in the first place!

Is it nearly finished yet? No - it isn’t - and apart from ITV Richard, it’s been distinctly underwhelming - and probably isn’t going to get much better because here comes …

Michael the Cricketer and Tina Sparkle:-
Well! That serves me right for having so little faith in the wonderful Natalie - it was excellent - a great dance to appropriate music! Colour me amazed - Bruno is too and has erupted into Cadenza Numero Due!

Quick! Security! Catch Pop Forsyth and bring him back - he’s wandering off again!

Biker Vicky and Brenda(n):-
Well, they both look bliddy fabulous - and wow - they *are* bliddy fabulous - loved the dance and the music, just loved it! My favourites tonight so far - for all the right reasons! Go, Vicky!

And next we have …

Colin Bond and the Soviet Strumpet:-
Oh, for God’s sake - I am so sick of her stupid slitherings and awful costumes - every dance she does looks the same and Colin, who I like a lot, deserves much, much better - imagine how good he’d have been with Natalie, or even Erin - actually, that nice girl Evita, who’s a lovely little dancer would be a marvellous replacement for the strumpet - I bet we would have even recognised *her* choreography as a salsa!

It *must* be nearly over now - my stomach feels as if my throat’s been cut, and the hubba’s on his third G&T and is smiling very smugly as he brings me (yet another) glass of diet-lemonade! Cheers, mate!

But wait - it can’t be over until we’ve seen …

Luscious Louis and Fast Flav:-
The tango - yum - Flav’s choreography - yummy - the boy Louis - yummiest of all! He looked gorgeous and danced like a dream - she always does and it was just wonderful! He seems to be relaxing, enjoying the dancing more and losing some of his shyness at last - mind you, I’ve always thought him a sweet boy!

I loved that - I’m torn between Louis and Flav’s tango and Brendan and Vicky’s for the best dance of the night - hmmm - no - can’t decide! I know it’s all fixed and The Impostor’s probably pencilled in to win the Glitterball, but I shall be *livid* if either of the Olympic level tango dancers end up in that stupid dance-off!

And that must just leave …

The Girl Aloud and Pashion:-
Heavens - has she borrowed Biffa Cole’s wig? Awww, what a sweet little werewolf Pashion makes - he looks like Wolverine’s younger, cuter brother. I liked it lots once they actually started dancing after the initial wandering around and faffing - but not as much as Flavlou and Brenvick’s!

And in a feat of timing rarely seen in this house, as the closing music plays, the little man from the Indian begins tapping at the door! Chicken Bhuna and my beloved Barcelona, here I come - that’s the kind of treats I need to take my mind of my itching!


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Bren View Drop Down
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2012 at 01:25
oh that has cheered me up in creases at

Well, from what I understood of his pre-match ramblings, the lad seems totally deluded and is hoping to get a 10! That must be why he turned up disguised as Elton John, perhaps he thought he’d appeal to Craig and Bruno?
and Biffa coles wig
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  Quote dancingdiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2012 at 10:42
Blimy Aida, did you get out of the wrong side of the bed yesterday? Still very accurate observations as always. I love Pasha whoever he dances with but I do agree with both you and the judges, Flavia and Louis were way the best.
and its goodbye from her
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  Quote Catwoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2012 at 11:34
Wonderful Aida.

I hope that yor itchiness ends soon.

Hope Soloman makes a speedy recovery let me know bless his fury socks.
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2012 at 17:13
Thank you Aida.. I didn't enjoy the program last night, but as always love your blog.. if I have to watch it so I know who you're talking about.. so be it
Hope you enjoyed your injun and Solomon is better
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  Quote TashaK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2012 at 20:04
Hope Solomon is okay

I love your blog, they really should feature it on ITT
Before you criticise someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do criticise them you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2012 at 19:09
Great read Aida. Thank you
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  Quote Oscarat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Nov 2012 at 19:29
Aida thank you.  Have followed your blog for 2 seasons now, but this is the first time I have posted - anything.
Thank you for making me smile.
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Nov 2012 at 19:33
welcome to the BR Oscarat hope you dont leave it 2 sesasons before you post again :))
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  Quote Oscarat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Nov 2012 at 20:29
Thanks Bren.  Enjoying your posts too.  Now I must see whether I can persuade my friend to take the leap too.
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