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Seconds out - round one!

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Seconds out - round one!
    Posted: 14 Oct 2012 at 00:40
“Do you love me?” - No actually, I don’t - y’all make me sick!

Hi-de-hi, campers - welcome to the marathon, apologies in advance if the blog isn’t very funny tonight - explanations later.

Here they come - the old loony shuffling along like an arthritic orang-utan in a suit, Tactless sporting an old-fashioned corset trimmed with a dyed net curtain. Hmmm- that’s a fail, Vermin, another epic fail.

Oh, God - I’ll never remember all of these names, what a nightmare - just a minute, what does it matter - I always make new names up for them anyway!

Could someone fetch the humane killer for Pop Forsyth, please. Oh, shut the f*ck up, the pair of you, we all know the frigging rules by now!

I’ve closed my eyes, I can’t stand the sight of Gnasher and her Prisoner of the Week!

Who’s first?

Nicki Westlife and the ‘Venezuelan’ with a Brooklyn accent! Huh?
Can’t understand a word he says -aaarrggggghh - isn’t he enough wittering on without having bliddy Westlife singing in the background!
Lovely - not! The bliddy char x 3 again - erm - when are they going to actually do the dance? Oh forget it - he’s hilarious - as stiff as an old crutch and likely to knock somebody out with those flailing arms. The prison haircut does nowt for him either.

T’joodges - same as last week, Dreary now appears to be channelling Grace Kelly - Oh, here she goes - yawn! She still only has a ‘5’ paddle.

Colin from the James Bond films and the Soviet Strumpet:-
Waltzing apparently - Viennese whirling at that - we’ll see! Horrible suit, all right dress - not a lot of waltzing - a sort of cross between waltzing and pole dancing. Doesn’t matter, the rabid audience would cheer and scream with joy if a runaway train crashed into the building. Colin’s a handsome man - I wish he was dancing with someone else.

Hello, band.

Yadda yadda yadda from the joodges - they all liked it more than I did - Dreary being flirtatious in a leaden manner.

Trathey Beaker and mio povero Vinthente:-
Thaltha - okay - not a favourite of mine, but hey - all the danthes are the thame nowadayth, they all jutht do whatever they like! Quite good, he’th a lovely little danther -Trathey’s danthing ith okay but, alath, not very gratheful if the lifth.

Oh, thut up, Dreary, you’re a pain in the arthe! Firtht cadentha of the night alert!

The Famous Faux-Dieter and Comrade Teethski:-
Supposed to be Viennese whirling, so it’ll be a show dance with a lot of twirling about. Heavens! I nearly didn’t recognise the Comrade with a closed shirt! They started off more like the Gay Gordons, but eventually did some quite good waltzing. He probably hesitated to shove a few lifts in just in case he did his neck in again!

I wish Dreary would ‘travel’ - I’d even stump up some of the fare!

ITV Richard and La Boag:
Blimey, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Erin in a worse, more garish get-up - and they’ve made him a shirt with what should have been the skirt - they’re hurting my eyes and my sunglasses aren’t close at hand! Well, at least they seem to be trying to do some kind of a camp char x3, but I’m too fascinated by that ludicrous curl in the front of his hair to concentrate.

What the blue blazes is the old loony on about - aarrggggh - he’s starting to dance - Oh right, it was part of a weak joke about Craig.

Biker Vicki and Brenda(n):-
Lovely - both dressed appropriately although I‘m not struck on the gaudy flower garland on what would otherwise be a gorgeous gown - never mind, good music and really beautiful dancing - at last!

Michael the Cricketer and Tina Sparkle:-
What the fu .. Oh, they’re jiving, are they? News to me!   Hahanaha - she’s great and he’s bliddy *terrible* - like a dancing plank! No doubt the joodges will love him!
Hooray - Bruno doesn’t - nor Len - crikey - they’re brave giving someone an axe and letting them stand next to Pop Forsyth!
At this stage it appears to be - “Taxi for Michael the Cricketer”!

Luscious Louis and Fast Flav:-
Viennese Whirling - they look adorable despite the hairstyle which makes him look as if he’s been prepared for the electric chair - kidding - lovely, lovely, lovely dance, yeah (or ‘yah’ if you prefer that - is she off ‘yah-ing’ again! )

The Westend ‘star’ who hasn’t done any dance-training at all and Big Mouth Jordan:-
What’s that tune the band’s playing? Sounds like ‘Believe it if you like’! This is bliddy ridiculous - are we *really* supposed to pretend we think she’s learned all this in a couple of weeks? I am NOT wasting time commenting on this on the grounds that she shouldn’t be in the show at all!

As expected - a synchronised orgasm from the joodges - yawn - just give Big-Mouth the glitter ball now and put some repeats of ‘Dr Who’ on!

Old Father Ball and the superior Red Peril:-
What’s her name? Evita or something - well, whatever it is she has ten times the personality and dance skills as the Original Red Peril. Mind you, I doubt if anyone could teach the old fella to dance - he looked like Young Mr Grace being guided round the floor by Miss Brahms!
Hold that taxi - don’t get in yet, Cricketer Mike - it might be needed for someone else!

Sid Eastender and Big Hair Jordan:-
She has so much false hair I’m amazed she can hold her head up! They’re doing a salsa apparently - which usually means you just do what you like, but in this case every step and move has been nicked from Shakira’s video. Well, it makes a change from her usual pole dance - but it’s a pity, since Sid looks as if he’d be a decent dancer given half a chance!

The Girl Aloud and Pashion:-
I must have missed something last week - I didn’t think she was all that but apparently she was ‘wonderful’! Whatever! *Pashion* is wonderful - and in the short time he’s been there, he’s never seemed to fail to get the best out of his zeleb and their foxtrot was easy on the eye. I see two of her mates are in the audience - the time to worry and fear the blighters are trembling on the brink of singing (miming) their latest smash hit would be if Biffa Cole was present too!

Joodges raving and slavering - apart from Pop Goodman who looks as if his haemorrhoids are playing up!

La Belle Jerry and the Berk:-
Foxtrot - love the gown, love the immaculate white tie and tails, enjoyed the dance. I know, I know - nobody likes him on here, and I know Jerry's useless but for some reason of my own I *loved* it, not least because there was dancing (of a sort) from the first beat of music.

Finally - the ‘Oddest Cupple’ of all - Leaping Lisa and the (brave) Kwik-fit fitter.
I like her as a person and an actress - she’s full to the brim with personality, a hoot and a good sport - but the frock was always going to be a nightdress of sorts and although she did (most of) the steps and has clearly worked hard, I still fear for the poor old fitter’s life whenever she clutches him to her bosom and the paeons of praise from the joodges and hysterical screams and whoops from the audience seem to have faint echoes of taking the p*ss!

Having said that, she’ll probably be there until the final three!

*Okay - all I can say is that I’m sorry - I know it wasn’t up to my usual standard, and to be honest, I nearly cried off tonight.

I also know that anyone who isn’t an animal lover might not understand the reasons for my bereft mood, but my beautiful, affectionate little red-point boy, Leo, suddenly became very ill last Monday. Naturally, I rushed him to the vet for IV fluids and investigations, but during an exploratory operation on Tuesday, my vet found a large and inoperable tumour.

She rang me and I had to give permission for her not to wake him from the anaesthetic and let him slip away. He was only four and I was here all alone because the poor hubba was away at his father’s funeral. I’ve been heartbroken ever since it happened. *

I’ll do better next week - I promise!





Edited by Aida - 14 Oct 2012 at 01:00

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2012 at 01:22
thanks aida, it was still a good read - so sorry to hear about your dog
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2012 at 09:26
Loved the review on last nights Strictly
sorry to hear re your red point (siamese) Leo, I call my cat my furry child, so know how sad it is, a good friend of mine takes in a lot of elderly cats, and strays (unless she gets them adopted) so invariably once or twice a year, she's burying another in her garden,  and there's lots of tears.
 
Loved the part re Denise, ha.. ha.. the untrained West End dancer, and Lisa in her nightie!!
Clap
 
I too loved Jerry's Frock, with the rhinestones, and  furry/ trim , sorry forgot how you call it, my late mother a dress/sample maker, made all my clothes, suits, and 5!! bridesmaids dresses  some with that 'furry' trim, and those old fashioned 'hand warmers' At least the Boa was attached this year!!
 
 
 
 
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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2012 at 09:39
Oh Aida, I'm sorry!
 
And in spite of your sadness, you've still made me giggle - particularly about the "untrained" gob on legs and poor, personality-free Dreary.
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  Quote BCfan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2012 at 12:02
Wonderful review as always Aida. So SORRY to hear about Leo. Heart wrenching I know. Words always seem inadequate at this time, so I will just send this. ((Hugs)) .
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  Quote doctordancingdiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2012 at 13:45
Hi Aida. So sorry to hear about Leo. Poor you. You were really good to do your review which was, as always, wonderful! How can we find out who went out last night, or is it different this year and actually live on the Sunday night. I do hope so but fear it may not be. Lovely to be back on here.
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2012 at 14:02
Hi Dr dancingdiva and welcome to the br the result show was recorded last night the spoiler is here :

Spoiler SCD Result
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2012 at 19:37
Sorry to hear about Leo, but thank you for your blog, it never fails to make me smile or laugh.. losing a pet is soo hard..I know how you feel. xx
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  Quote doctordancingdiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2012 at 12:12
Hi Aida. How do I get a pic or animation after my name please. Don't like the 'virgin' bit or know how it got on there!!!!! Not good for my reputation lol!!!
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2012 at 12:22
hi dancingdiva go to edit my profile and go to select avatar upload a picture there if you have a picture you want putting there will do it for y0u  if you have a problem 
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  Quote doctordancingdiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2012 at 16:40
Thanks very much.
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2012 at 17:17
Hey i think i've been to that place, I saw those rocks in Alvor, Portugal this year?? or are they dotted along the coast??
 
(off topic)
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2012 at 22:48
Great review Aida.

So sorry to hear your sad news.  I know it's kind to let them go, but it doesn't make it any easier to bear.  Sending hugs.
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  Quote Force Ten Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2012 at 09:57

Thanks for the review Aida and so sorry to hear about your lovely cat.  I have Burmese cats rather than Siamese and I still miss my lovely Brown Burmese who had to be put down in 1993 - she was very special.Cry

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2012 at 10:55
Aida how on earth did I put dog in my post - I blame my old age, I did of course mean CAT
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2012 at 16:12
Originally posted by Bren

Aida how on earth did I put dog in my post - I blame my old age, I did of course mean CAT



That's all right, Bren - I knew you'd misread it!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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