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17th - And now , the end is near ....

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: 17th - And now , the end is near ....
    Posted: 18 Dec 2011 at 00:21
The tone of the alleged delights to come was set during the opening voiceover when Tactless Tess intoned, “Welcome to the Strictly Come Dancing Final 2011 - AD!”
*Sighing* She must think the viewing audience are as intellectually challenged as she is - I mean, come on, how many of you out there thought it was BC? Nobody? I rest my case … and …

We’re off!
The only saving grace for me tonight is that I love Blackpool Tower Ballroom as a venue - erm - yep - that’s it!
And here come the professional dancers (so-called) finally completing their metamorphosis into Hot Gossip! Eat your heart out, Arlene Philips - or better still - sue!

Oh, Godddd! If Old Fossil Forsyth launches into a song-and-dance routine, I’m off - no matter what I promised Brenda. No, it’s just his usual tom-cat-preparing-to-pee routine - phew - and here comes Tactless Tess staggering on from the other side in what might have been a reasonably decent dress if only Vermin hadn’t tacked the remnants of one of her nightgowns to the hem. Not that I’m complaining - anything which hides her knobbly knees and chicken legs from view should be seen in the light of a blessing.

Here are t’joodges, grinning as broadly as only four people who can feel the alcohol they imbibed in the green room plashing up behind their front teeth can. Alesha seems to be angling for a part in Dr. Who or Star Trek in that get-up.

Eeeek - the way Gnasher lunged toward that Jimmi Wotsit, I thought she was going to take a bite out of him!

Yawn - the first of the interminable, sentimental pre-dance ‘filler’ spots! I could tell you all what ’Strictly’ means to me, but I think you already know - I’ll tell you all what Drummer Harry means to me instead - nothing, nulla, nil, zip, zilch - as a bore, he’s second only to Popeye Donovan - and so are those three scroats he knocks about with.

Get on, do!
Drummer Harry and The Orange Peril:-
Second yawn of the night - not that bliddy quickstep again - yes, marvellous - if you can get past the foul colours of that frock!

Note to self: - Take two prophylactic Paracetemol (other analgesics are available) now - this audience have clearly been auditioned for volume of screeching, whooping, hollering - and the ability to leap, applauding, to their feet as one.

As I suspected, t’joodges only have ‘10’ paddles.

Next up:
Popeye Donovan and The Soviet Strumpet:-
‘Filler video to start with - Must. Stay. Awake. This one’s full of stomach-turning sincerity and such desperation measures as wheeling on his kids and the Strumpet crying. What - no Kylie?
And they’re off - Tango, my @rse - it’s a showdance with fans while wearing inappropriate costumes and facial expression. Nevertheless, it gets the full-on, gushing suck-up from t’joodges - hmmm - I’m starting to suspect that the sedative nurse actually sneaked up on them before they had the chance to drain the green-room bar dry, they look and speak exactly as if they’ve been given large doses of Valium.
Of course, that could just be a natural reaction to Popeye’s droning monologue.
Aha - I was wrong about the paddles - they have ‘9’’s too - the well-drilled audience boo their appearance roundly.

At last - the only cupple I like -

Lickle Chelsee and Pash-ion:-
Oh noooooooooo - they’re doing that ‘Shrek Jive’ nonsense! I HATE THE BLIDDY JIVE! Why on earth aren’t they doing their paso, or, indeed, any of their ballroom dances? Desperation measure :- weeping mother!
Right -get it over with - I really, really hate the jive- even this one, and I suspect that if they’re given all 10’s, it’s Popeye the powers-that-be want rid of - hmmm - it seems they’re intending the bairn and Pasha to come second! Great! (insert rolling eyes)

If she does happen to go at 9pm, I’m off as well - I’ve suffered enough for this tosh over the last few months but I’m not putting myself through The Battle of the Bores!

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
Too late - more filler - welcome back to the Assorted Bores of 2011 plus Russell, Robbie and Audrey!
Oh, shut up, Pop, we all know you’re as funny as an open grave, just get on! What’s next - right - musical gymnastics - or, as they are known on this show, ‘Showdances’!

Drummer Harry and The Orange Peril :-
I can’t even remember what this was supposed to be based on - was it a sort of sleazy, lap-dance jive with tons of lifts? Whatever! I may stand alone but I didn’t like it!
T’joodges did - surprise, surprise - Alesha still fancies the Dull Drummer - and so do Bruno and Craig. Yawn.

Popeye and the Strumpet:-
Some sort of frantic, striptease show dance complete with a rolling the floors ending! Rotten! T’joodges loved it and without warning, Bruno’s cadenza was upon us!
Tons of ‘10’s - I wonder if the cupples practice looking overjoyed?

Chelsee and Pash-ion:-
Well, it was lively, I suppose, but it really wasn’t in the same class as most of the dances they did during the series. My spirits are starting to sink for this little lass because I’m beginning to see a pattern here.

Half time:-
The hubba woke up on the crest of a shattering snore - although how he managed to sleep through the racket of the first half and the racket of his own snoring I’ll never know - and staggered off to order the Chinese and get us a drink, followed closely by the cats whose little bat ears sprang erect when they heard him say Chinese. They look like a sort of sleepy version of ’The March of the Siamese Children’.   
I took a refreshing gulp of G&T and glowered at the hubba on his return when he jovially told me that he’d taken me at my word and ordered *his* favourite dishes. I only said that in a moment of weakness this afta to calm him when he flew into an incandescent rage because I (accidentally) left the ladder to the attic in place while he was retrieving Christmas decorations and Solomon ascended it and had a wonderful time darting around and hiding in boxes while the hubba tried to catch him.
Anyway, the food arrived and it was mostly horrible, ’gingery’ stuff, but the hubba was happy and quite chuffed that the delivery boy brought a Christmas card and ‘Dragon’ calendar for us as a sort of reward for being ‘good customers’, and the cats were chuffed because they knew they were in for a good feed.
I pondered on whether to vote or not during my post-prandial cigarette and fresh drink - nah - what’s the use? It’s all fixed.

Second half:-
Tactless now wearing a creation crafted from some dyed net curtain and an Anne Summers pattern, and a ring which looks as if it came out of a Christmas cracker.
Who the hell is Jessie J? Why do they have to do a resume of the entire first half of the show? We’re not pre-school children or half-wits!

Hooray - Popeye’s gone!
Quick - don’t let him start making a farewell speech or we’ll be here until midnight! Too late - he’s off and clearly believes he’s at the Oscars - at least me and the hubba got a good laugh at the determined efforts of Pop Forsyth and Tactless to shut him up.   The sedative nurse was probably lurking in the wings with chloroform as well as two big lads and a wheelbarrow to cart Popeye off in should they fail.

I also had a bitter little laugh imagining McFlea fans all over the country stamping their tiny feet and throwing tantrums while demanding that Mummy and Daddy give them ’just’ another £20 to put on their smart phones to ensure that their hero wins.

Save your money, childer - the writing’s on the wall, despite the head-to head kicking off with more of the same old, same old from the aforementioned and partner.

Little Chelsee and Pash-ion put up a bit of a fight with a truly beautiful rumba - she’s a little honey and the boy Pasha is everything I expect to see in a professional ballroom dancer - pity it counts for nowt these days.

I don’t care what Pop Forsyth and his stooges say - I thought it was the Worst Series Ever!

Pause for some ashen-faced, shrill mimer accompanied by a bunch of assorted ninnies cavorting around - is that the Queen sat behind Pop Forsyth?

Oh, I can’t be bothered - more lap-dancing, a quickstep, a turgid group melee which brought back horrible memories of such luminaries as Lulu and dell’OliveOyl - slightly enlivened by the hubba’s insistence that Audley was singing the vocals as he danced.

And to nobody’s surprise - Drummer Harry and The Orange Peril win the Glitterball and at the moment of triumph, the rest of his scruffy mates try to rush on and share the dubious glory!

Wonderful - final result:-
Dance 0 - Sleaze 1

Thank you, good night - have a very Merry Christmas and I wish you all the best for 2012!



Edited by Aida - 18 Dec 2011 at 00:23

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Dec 2011 at 09:29
Merry Christmas to you and the hubba, Aida, with many thanks for the entertainment you (if not the series) have provided me this year!Clap
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  Quote TashaK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Dec 2011 at 09:49
Merry Christmas and thank your for your honest and very entertaining blog

Dance 0 Sleaze 1 indeed
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Dec 2011 at 11:51
Happy Christmas Aida - thanks so much for the blog again this year as always one of the best things about the series
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Dec 2011 at 14:39
Merry Christmas to you the hubba and the cats Aida and my thanks for making the series in some way entertaining.. you do know that we now say Aida will be starting soon.. and not the show don't you???
We'll miss you Aida   
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  Quote Stanmore Witch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Dec 2011 at 17:28
Well said Aida. What do we do now that it's all over? I am bereft.


Looking forward to SCD 2012, see you then Aida.


A very Happy Christmas to all SCD/ Aida fans.


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  Quote salsa-addict Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Dec 2011 at 07:28
I don't normally comment on your blog, Aida, but I always read and enjoy it. Many thanks for your efforts at bringing an extra dimension to Strictly. Seasons Greetings and looking forward to your take on Strictly 2012 - you don't fancy doing the same for DWTS do you?
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Dec 2011 at 12:19
Thank you so, so much for all of your kind and supportive comments - they really brought a much-needed sparkle into my day!

I really appreciate the compliment of being asked to write a blog for DOI and DWTS - but I have to be honest - by the end of SCD my sanity - and the hubba's temper- is rather fragile!

Thanks again!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Dec 2011 at 13:00
Aida you can always pop by now and then and keep us updated on the antics of your cats!!!
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Dec 2011 at 13:45
Superb Aida. I love your writing, and have looked forward to reading about Saturday nights at the Pyramid with you, your Hubba and the cats. 
Your blog is what Sunday mornings were made for nod  Just a thought ... but your Strictly blogs would make an excellent book you know. Big%20smile
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