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10th December - My turn for the cadenza!

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: 10th December - My turn for the cadenza!
    Posted: 11 Dec 2011 at 01:38
Well, I usually have one early in the series, or just before it starts when I’m tempestuously refusing to do the blog any more, but the fates have conspired against me tonight - not only do I have a nasty sore throat and a chest infection, but also my beloved Barca are playing their arch-rivals Real Madrid tonight! The match doesn’t kick off until 9p.m. - and my nerves are already jangling!

It came as a terrible shock to me that SCD was nearly two HOURS long tonight - what the blue blazes are the blighters going to do for two hours, eh?

Oh, moaning and whinging’s not going to make it pass any quicker - just wheel them on, I’m as ready as I‘ll ever be!

And here comes the silly old fool shuffling across the stage - all he needs is Keppel, Betty and a fez - and - Good God Almighty! What the hell has Tactless been squeezed into?    She must have broken off diplomatic relations with Vermin and opted for something from the ‘Call-girl Barbie’ range - unfortunately, she has bigger fake boobs than Barbie and looks to be in real danger of an imminent wardrobe malfunction.

And here they come - the stars of our show - the biggest collection of crashing bores (excepting Chelsee and Pash-ion) ever assembled under one roof!

Get on, get on, get   - aaarrghhh - go away, Gnasher - and take old Gastric Band with you!

Is this bliddy fiasco ever going to start? Yes, it seems to - no - not yet - we have to pause for - a video skit!

Right - shaking myself and dashing a drop of ice-cold G&T into my face to wake me up after Drummer H’s tedious droning - so they’re doing two dances each, are they?   Well, I’m writing both crits one after the other - starting with:-

Drummer Harry and The Orange Peril:-
I once said the Charleston was such a great dance I could enjoy watching anyone dance it - I was wrong! I can’t stand this pair - he’s as stiff as an old crutch and has all the verve and personality of an android - and she’s half-naked at all times!

The concealed electrodes in the seats must be turned up to ’Near-Fatal’ level tonight judging by the way those ninnies in the audience shot into the air, hooting, hollering and clapping like seals begging for fish!

The hubba’s brought us both another drink and we’ve both waved and shouted ‘Yoohoo!”, to the Man in the Hat - and I manage to avoid listening to the sickening gushing of t’joodges, who clearly have this pair pencilled in for the final, by having a short, sharp and savage argument with the hubba re: the wisdom of drinking alcohol while taking antibiotics.

Second half - they did a Viennese Whirl - and duly whirled around for a bit before being given marks I considered ridiculous since it looked awkward to my amateur eyes - I’d probably have to drink a lot more gin if I was a joodge on this panel and had to come out with the flannel they do!

Why do Tactless and Pop Forsyth remind us every five minutes that the cupples are each doing two dances tonight? We’re not Americans - there’s no need for all this ‘previously, on Strictly’ stuff!

Who’s next?

The Bleakely Clone and the Jordan boor:-
Waltzing apparently - the gown was lovely, and the dance looked all right, once they’d stopped faffing, but even I can waltz, for God’s sake. I just won a bet with the hubba that the shrieking loonies would leap to their feet even after this lacklustre display - he said they wouldn’t - so I win and we’re eating curry not Chinese! Hooray!
More flattering slaver from t’joodges - even Craig - as the hubba troops off despondently to find the Indian takeaway menu - from the lit-up state of them all tonight, the green-room bar must have been emptied to the last drop - and the sedative-nurse must have resigned!

And now they’re back to do a Salsa - this’ll be a gripper!   
Lots of faffing and jerky jigging around, tons of lifts, some hesitant ‘business’ with the arms now and again as a sort of nod to salsa dancers everywhere - surely to Heaven these two won’t be going to Blackpool?
Ugh - Pop Goodman’s salacious comments make my skin crawl - I can take Craig and Bruno’s fatuous faux-drooling because they’re hardly serious, are they? The Jordan boor and his big mouth are fast becoming a liability - careful, mate - I suspect you’re only still employed because of your wife!

Is anything nice going to happen tonight?

Yes! It’s :-

Princess Chelsee and Pash-ion:-
Love them - they’ve been the only decent cupple since week one - also like the American Smooth when it’s done properly, so this should be a treat! Gorgeous gown and proper dancing from the start - a couple of blips but beautiful overall - this young man and his choreography is the best thing to happen to Strictly since Il Divino was cruelly cast forth into the void!
T’joodges made quite a feature of mentioning the slight mistakes - the rotters - I shall be incandescent with rage if these two go home tonight - I might even risk a whole British pound sterling and vote for them!

Paso Doble: -
I adore the paso - when it’s done well, to proper music - and this one was absolutely wonderful! Wonderful music, excellent flamenco, really fabulous work from both of them in creating such an atmosphere in such a short time - it just typified ‘Spain’ - and really got me in the mood for ‘El Classico’ later on!
I was worried they might nitpick - but - Good Gracious - ‘10’s across the board! Hooray!

Jolly-Holly and Comrade Teethski:-
What’re they doing? I know, I know - a show dance, but what are they supposed to be doing? Ah - an Argentine Tango - mostly composed of dancing with a stool, some very basic AT kicking and lots of lifts, during some of which I feared he’d never get her airborne.
Bor-ing - well, it was for me, but not for t’joodges - gush, gush, gush, gush - they’re like a babbling brook - Len’s apparently given up bothering to look for expected dance steps, Alesha’s lost her marbles - and here comes Bruno’s major cadenza! That sedative-nurse is a real miss!

Now we have - The Charleston!
I’m famished now - famished , a bit tipsy and distracted by the hubba trying to stop Solomon and Orlando chasing the Christmas lights he’s decided to lay all over the floor and ’test’ because he’s bored, hungry and a bit tipsy too Now he’s yelling at the cats like an Irapaho because he tripped over Leo and stood on the lights which have all gone out!
Must. Stop. Laughing.And. Concentrate.
Ahem - the Charleston - why does everything they do have to be so full of props? Hmmm - the dance seemed a bit laboured and slow to me, but I admit that I’m never struck on Teethski’s ‘modern twists’! Mind you, he should keep that ‘look’ - those specs stop his head looking so flat!

Is it nearly over yet? Not quite - we still have …

Popeye Donovan and the Soviet Strumpet:-
Blimey - I thought the Old Dodderer was having a fit just then - quick, let Popeye talk to him, that should do the trick - in the absence of the sedative-nurse, five minutes with Donovan is equivalent to taking two Nitrazepam (Mogadon) tablets!
They’re doing the sarmba - well, once they’ve skipped down the stairs like a couple of bush kangaroos, they’ll be doing the sarmba! I like the dress - not struck on the music which is just as well because I can’t leap up and dance with Orlando while the hubba is crawling around the floor trying to fix the lights. Anyway, I’m fascinated by Popeye hurling himself into the dance like a dervish, complete with some very strange facial expressions!
Yes, very good Tons of gush and big hints that they, too, will be in Blackpool!

And finally …
Back they bounce for the Argentine Tango - I think I dozed off for a moment or two while Popeye was talking and being very sincere, but never mind - they’re off - I like the music, it all looks ‘right - but - I don’t know what it is about her, she makes every dance she does look sleazy. Ah well, that’s not a problem right now - the AT’s meant to look sort of sleazy, isn’t it?
Oh-oh, Alesha’s on her feet - and so’s Bruno - this looks like ‘10’s across the board - and it is!   And as they’re celebrating along with Tactless and assorted cupples, Jordan appears at Popeye’s shoulder and does a nasty little impression of him - proving beyond a shadow of a doubt what an utterly despicable character he - Jordan - is!
Kristina looked *furious* - and was later seen in the background when Tactless was babbling, clearly having words with Ooh-la-la!

Just a word on the video-skits - I think the producer *had* to introduce them to replace the training footage as none of them, apart from Chelsee, Russell and Wild Robbie were in possession of anything approaching a ‘personality’ without a script!   I’ve *hated* them and think they should be dropped like a hot potato - if there had been no video-skits and no ‘footage’ of t’joodges sitting around talking nonsense about the contestants being the ‘best ever’ set of zelebs, the bliddy programme need only have been on for about an hour and a quarter!

Sorry - it’s late and I’m tired but I had to get the blog done tonight because I have soooooo much to do tomorrow, I just wouldn’t have had time.

I’ll try to be more positive and upbeat next week - I love Blackpool, so that’ll help! Mind you, I won’t be back at all if Chelsee and Pash-ion have been voted off!

PS: My beloved Barca won!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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Bren View Drop Down
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2011 at 01:53
haha Aida great as always 
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  Quote TashaK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2011 at 04:43
Brilliant, thank you
Before you criticise someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do criticise them you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.
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  Quote emasl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2011 at 08:56
Have just left comments on two threads on the SCD blog about James Jordan who is a TOTAL pain.  His comment that 'Craig doesn't like me and is taking it out on Alex' is just plain stupid as well as being totally unprofessional.  His mucking about while Tess is doing her chat with the dancers who have just come off the floor is childish and pathetic, particularly with Jason tonight.  I assume he knew this was his last chance to hog the camera as Alex, on the strength or rather weakness of her performance tonight, will be out.

I notice that he only throws a hissy fit when CRH marks him down (he is usually right to do so) but never says a word when he praises them (which he does).   Simply cannot understand why he is still here and the lovely Ian Waite is not.  I am assuming a has already been said, that they want to hang on to Ola and they ahve to take him as part of the package.   I gather they are not on the tour this year which has caused him to throw another hissy - perhaps time to take note of The Writing on the Wall James and be quiet?
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  Quote Stanmore Witch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2011 at 09:14
Brilliant Aida, please don't ever think about NOT writing your blog, it's a must for me on Sunday morning.

Glad Barca won for you
A lady of leisure and more besides . . . .
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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2011 at 09:32
Top class, AidaClap "Only employed because of your wife", indeed!!!
As for the little drummer boy and the Comrade.... well, they're obviously flavour of the month with the Strictly powers that be but the reasons why rather escape me.  Glad to know I'm not quite alone in those blasphemous opinions!Wave
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2011 at 09:32
Originally posted by Aida

Ugh - Pop Goodman’s salacious comments make my skin crawl - I can take Craig and Bruno’s fatuous faux-drooling because they’re hardly serious, are they? The Jordan boor and his big mouth are fast becoming a liability - careful, mate - I suspect you’re only still employed because of your wife!

very good, all true!!!!!

Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2011 at 17:38
excellent as usual Aida.. I know I keep telling you this, but I tend to watch Strictly now only so I know what you are on about!

I,ve been pretty underwhelmed this series but Love Chelsee and Pasha-on.. I really hope they win.. only sad thing about Strictly ending is we lose your blog too
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