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3rd December - Pantomime - sorry - Movie Night!

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: 3rd December - Pantomime - sorry - Movie Night!
    Posted: 03 Dec 2011 at 23:33
Hello, possums!

I’m back in the Land of the Living at last - and can I just kick off by saying how incensed I was last week when, after simply weeks of me referring to Robin Wotsit as ‘The Kwik-fit fitter, I didn’t get the chance to make zillions of foolish ’Uptown Girl’ jokes!

I know, I know - he was confined to his stable with a strained fetlock and Brenda(n) took his place - but it’s still a bit of a blow to the long-suffering blogger to have such a comedic opportunity simply snatched away!

Never mind - onward and upward - aaarrrgggh - what’s that?    Any programme which begins with Pop Forsyth baring his dentures and giving a sort of geriatric growl is bound to prove disturbing to the discerning viewer - me - but I shall soldier on, taking a bracing swig of G&T and ignoring the Tactless’ voice-over and the tacky video-skits.
I’m actually writing this ‘later’ - because my darling boys played early - and won! Hooray! It’s been an unusual evening - like a fool, I let the hubba choose the take-away never dreaming he’d plump for - kebabs! Well, it made a change, I suppose - I just usually like to be a bit drunker when I’m wrestling with one- and I found it quite trying to eat little wraps I’d made without dropping bits on the carpet or stabbing my fork through the little questing paws which kept hooking great slabs of kebab lamb, steak and chicken off my plate!
Ah well, the furry blighters are all reclining on the sofa in a sort of food-induced coma now, little bellies swollen like poisoned pups - it can only be a matter of time before Leo, the red-point Siamese, throws up in his usual spectacular fashion.

On to the show - I suppose I’d best write summat, since that’s what you’re all here for - Tactless has come in her ‘jamas, a new sacred belt, red lippy and a new, annoying feature consisting of smirking, bridling and mugging at the camera - Forsyth’s come as himself - hmmmm - the dementia seems to be getting worse, doesn’t it - the old fool can’t ever read the bliddy autocue now!

And here they come, the sta - Good God Almighty! Did I read the Radio Times wrong and it’s ‘Pantomime Night’?   Aaaarrggh - p*ss off, Gnasher!
Something tells me I’m not going to enjoy this much - Oh, get on, Aida - who’s up first?

Wild Robbie and Ooh la la:-
I’ve never seen her wear so many clothes before - I wonder if she can make it to the end of the dance without ripping them off? We’ll see! What are they supposed to be doing - right - a quickstep - we’ll see about that too!   Lots of faffing to start, then a rather homo-erotic dance due to the pair of them being dressed in suits - I thought they were going to do ‘The Blues Brothers’ and just lep about a lot, but it’s ‘Reservoir Dogs’ - apparently! Must have been a part I didn’t see - but not bad for all that!   Oh, poor lad - he’s so pleased with the scores - did Ooh not tell him that the only reason they got ‘30’ is because everyone else is going to score more!

Crikey - this audience would laugh, woop and clap if someone set their clothes on fire!

Drummer Harry and the Orange Peril:-
I was determined to ignore those ludicrous ‘training’ video-skits, but I’m not about to pass up the chance to relate how both the hubba and me laughed until we almost choked at the young (alleged) heartthrob’s skinny lickle chicken-legs in those tights!
Ahem - they’re supposed to be doing a rumba - it’ll be a lap-dance rumba - yes, it is a lap-dance rumba with some extremely fast bits here and there! Rotten! And now we have t’joodges comments - Alesha still fancies him - so does Bruno - and Craig - and Old Pop Goodman makes it a full house!

Aw, I think it’s starting to dawn on Robbie - this is too painful - Next!

Blimey, this’ll be even more painful, it’s ….
The Bleakely Clone and the Former Werewolf:-
I feel quite ashamed that I ever liked him - he’s an up-himself, total boor and if she wasn’t so simpering and wet she’d have kneed him in the family jewels long before now! Lovely gown, hated the rest of it - faffing - a bit of a boring dance - more faffing! Yawn!

Oh what a surprise - t’joodges thought they were marvellous - and off they skip up the golden stairs to Tactless’s lair, passing Robbie who is now certain of what is happening! I would *love* it if the GBP voted to keep Wild Robbie and got rid of the One Show-er - but … *sighing*

And now we have Jolly Holly - and - who is that masked man? Is it the Lone Ranger? Hmmm, no - look at those choppers - it’s ---- Comrade Teethski in a headsquare and mask! Can I just say at this point that I’m sick of the sight of his chest? Thanks! And off we go - into an American Smooth - is it really, it looks like just another of their show dances, to me. As usual, she’s not doing a lot, it’s just him showing off - as usual! After a lot of stamping around, the eejit audience erupt into raptures matched by the raptures of the eejit judges!

I can’t watch them run off upstairs past poor Robbie - I’m off for a wee while security try to quiet the audience - and Bruno - by waving tear-gas canisters at them in a menacing manner!

Right - I’m back - who’s up next? Oh, *great*    - it’s :-

Popeye Donovan and the Soviet Strumpet:-
Oh, for God’s sake! Not another bliddy American Smooth! Go on, then, but hurry it up - yawn - faffing - jigging about a bit, whirling her around, jigging, faffing - not the best idea to dance to a tune Gene Kelly immortalised, was it, cobber - but don’t worry, the scores are all pre-planned, t’joodges have their instructions in front of them - and you were fab-u-lous, dahlings!

I think I caught a glimpse of the sedative-nurse leaving Tactless’s Lair having administered a quick shot to poor Robbie as Popeye and partner skipped joyously up the stairs! And Robbie thought football sometimes wasn’t fair due to rubbish refereeing!

And lastly - the real pantomime act of the evening …

Sideshow Chelsee and My Favourite Martian - sorry - Pash-ionless got up as Shrek:-
Why - in the name of God - why? Aren’t there a million different ‘teen pics’ featuring people lepping around ‘jiving’ without the male half of the sketch having to be made up to look ridiculous? Well, aren’t there? *sigh*   It’s times like this I’m actually glad that Il Divino isn’t a part of this fiasco any more.
Right - seriously - I HATE THE BLIDDY JIVE - but if it had to be done, t’was best it should be done quickly and I have to admit that I sort of enjoyed it and acknowledge the fact that t’little lass is a smasher and just gets better every single week.
They deserved the score - they actually deserve to win the plastic glitter ball, but - we’ll see!

Right - I’m too tired to write any more and anyway I want to see who’s gone on account of having a bet on with the hubba, the stake being who’s going to make the bedtime hot chocolate!

If it’s Robbie who goes, he makes it - if it’s the Welsh Wimp, I do - so I hope the laddo’s got our mugs of milk lined up in the microwave and ready to go!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2011 at 00:00
pmsl Aida Holly and teethski did a paso though not surprised you could not tell
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  Quote jacii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2011 at 02:01
Hilarious report as usual keep it up  ..lol...
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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2011 at 09:21
Much, much better than the show itself Aida - Teethski's chest irritates me too,and poor little Hearthrob Hal couldn't do sex appeal to save his life!
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2011 at 14:01
welcome back Aida.. missed you!.. wasn't the best of shows was it?.. I didn't like Artem's get up last night either, but I have to defend him.. dislike Holly and Jason aint making himself any friends either! glad to have your blog to read each week.. any chance we can presuade you to do one for DOI???



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  Quote Stanmore Witch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2011 at 18:29
Loved the quote fom Macbeth, it sums up the show ----'bliddy murder'.


Missed your blog loads last week. Glad to see you back.

Edited by Stanmore Witch - 04 Dec 2011 at 18:30
A lady of leisure and more besides . . . .
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  Quote emasl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Dec 2011 at 20:03
Jason may be a good dancer but he is soooooooo boring as soon as he opens his mouths and starting spewing out the platitudes about his 'journey'.   Claud shut him up beautifully tonight
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2011 at 13:50
Missed you last week Aida. Brilliant read, as per.  When oh when will the Beeb get you in the 'red button box'?  You would be a scream!
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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  Quote Tango Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2011 at 14:02
Fantastic commentary as always Aida
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Dec 2011 at 22:49
Originally posted by Thess

Missed you last week Aida. Brilliant read, as per.  When oh when will the Beeb get you in the 'red button box'?  You would be a scream!


Laughing - thank you - the best bit would be when they cut to that little screen to introduce the Red Box oommentary and saw me and Gnasher Hardy locked in mortal combat!

Thanks for the compliment, Tups - but I'm afraid I've tried to do a DOI blog once before and had to abandon it because the combination of Shouty Scofield, that waxwork who stands next to him and the interminable ad breaks almost came between me and my wits! Sorry!

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to post the lovely comments!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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