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22nd November Daily Update

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Vintage Vamp
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Joined: 19 Jan 2004
Location: United Kingdom
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Posts: 61290
  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: 22nd November Daily Update
    Posted: 22 Nov 2011 at 22:02
22nd NOVEMBER 2011

 

HIGHLIGHTS:

    PAT GOES ON A HEAD TRIP
    PAT THE PLAYER
    CHRISSIE HATES HER TEAM MATES
    BOREDOM LEADS TO SEXY TALKS
    TEAM TACTICS
    A NO WIN SITUATION FOR TEAMS
    STROPPY STEFANIE
    ANTONY STROP OVER THE COOK POT

 

PAT THE PLAYER

The public voted for Pat to undertake the Bush Tucker Trial but he claimed that he had planned to be voted in all along by his treatment of Lorraine .  “Yes it worked.  Scam!” he shouted.  Sinitta commiserated with him but he replied “Don’t be sorry.  It’s my plan all along.”

He excused his behaviour over Lorraine ’s teddy bear Tedward by saying he was playing the viewers at home so that he could do a trial.

“I behaved the way I did yesterday because I wanted to get the public to vote for me to do a trial. I’ve got a scam going at the moment which is why I went overboard on Tedward, not to make Lorraine cry, I did it to get a go at something, I’m not a nasty person. Don’t go on a show and not get involved in it, I want to be on this show, I don’t want to sit and watch another task that Sinitta fails, boring!

“Up until now I had zero chance of getting a trial at least I get to have a go, no point being number 10 out of 12 every day, I’ve come here to do it, I’d rather be on it every day.”

 

But while Lorraine congratulated him some of the other celebrities weren’t so sure of his motives.  “Now he’s decided ‘I did it on purpose so I got picked’.  Well I don’t quite believe that” said Antony .

Crissy said “I hope it goes tits up for him.”

Willie said “He has gone for his Trial.  He’s convinced he’s coming back with 12.  There’s confidence for you.”

Mark said “He’s got a lot to like up to and he’s got a lot to prove because he’s got a lot of pressure on him today.  You’ve got to know Pat to love him but I can see why people think he’s a bit brutal but he’s not.  It’s just friendly banter and he speaks his mind.”

Jessica-Jane said “I think he’s like Marmite.  You either love him or you hate him because there’s some campmates in the camp that really didn’t like him and some that really do like him.”

Despite their history Lorraine said “Let’s hope it’s a really monster for him so he can really prove himself and it can be really worth what he caused to get it.”

Antony added: “There’s a reason that Pat’s not been on TV for ten years – he’s a massive kn**. He’s not funny, he’s the unfunniest man I’ve ever met who says inappropriate things at inappropriate times. Imagine spending your whole life with him where everything involves him say ‘I’m just joking around pal.” This Tedwardgate where he was going to cut off his head and burn him on a stake in the fire like Joan of Arc made Lorraine very upset, it wasn’t a joke.”

But Pat had the last word.  “It’s time for someone else to have a go and time for me to bring back the food hopefully.  They might make it really tricky for me and I’ll bring back zero band look like a dick but such is life.  I’ve looked like a dick before.  Remember the 80s.”

 

SINITTA WARNS PAT

Sinitta seemed to stand up for Pat, warning him in camp that he was upsetting the equilibrium in camp.  She said “People are really sensitive like they don’t understand your sense of humour and they think you’re being mean on purpose. “

But Pat was bullish in his response.  “For hiding a teddy bear?  I think it depends on what sort of people you mean get upset about it.  I think people who’ve got people away fighting in Afghanistan and people who’ve got a life wouldn’t get upset.

“But seriously be careful” warned Sinitta.  “Because people are upset.  Be funny differently.”

 

 

SMUGLY VICTORIOUS

Pat returned delighted that he’d won 11 out of the possible 12 stars and also said that he was happy to have spent some time away from the camp.

“I don’t think anyone’s brought home that many from a Bushtucker Trial” he said.

He wanted to explain his adventure to everyone, so stood by the Sin Bin as he recounted in detail how he’d done.  “How many stars did you get?” snapped Antony eventually.  “One plus another one is eleven” said a delighted Pat.

“I was praying that he’d done well for food.  And he said one and another one and I got a little bit impatient.  He might be a berk but he still got 11 stars.”

 

HEAD TRIP

Pat confidently strolled to the Trials area determined to win stars for camp.  He explained “I think I was probably chosen due to Tedwardgate”.  I thought if I got a bit more involved rather than just being Mr Nice Guy like I am in real life.  I thought maybe someone will pick on me so it seemed that somebody’s the public so that’s great.  It wasn’t totally premeditated.  I absolutely want to get 12 stars to win the food for camp.  I’m definitely going to do it and I can’t see myself shouting I’m A Celebrity so I’m going to go for it.”

Pat had to travel through a long tunnel that was split into five different environments.  He had to move through each one and solve the puzzles in each one to win up to the 12 stars.  And in each environment, there were also jungle critters.  And to make matters worse, only his head was in the environment, so he would literally come face to face with them.

The first box represented the desert and contained lizards, Pat had to pull the two stars connected by strong though a zig zag track and place them on a ledge at the other end of the tank.

The next represented a swamp and contained baby crocodiles.  As he pulled on the cords, he was covered in slime and mealworms.  There were three cords, three stars and three lots of slime.  He retrieved two but dropped one.

The third one represented the sky and was filled with flies and moths.  It also contained a balloon that burst to reveal two stars which again Pat retrieved.

The fourth chamber was pitch black and represented underground.   He had to pull a string to get a star and was covered in cockroaches as he grappled around in the dark.  Another contained crickets, and a third contained mealworms.  Again, Pat retrieved all three stars.

The final tank represented the jungle and contained snakes.  Using his mouth, Pat had to hook two stars and place them on a ledge.  Again, he did this successfully making a total of 11 stars out of a possible 12.

Clearly pleased with himself he said “It’s tough.  The insects didn’t bother me as much because I was only looking at the stars.  The last meal I’m going to give it to Tedward.  Tedward gets my meal.  Lorraine ’s happy, we’re all friends again.  It’s going to be great.  I’m still the panto villain.  I’m just going to carry on being me.”

 

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER

Having spent two days and nights in the Sin Bin, the ‘orange’ group celebrities were worried about winning the final Beat the Bugs challenge and having to continue performing all the chores in the camp. Meanwhile their rivals were relishing the thought of spending a night in the Sin Bin so they could put their feet up for a while.

Said Mark: “I’m really looking forward to going in there. Rest is the key to most athletes’ success; we can just doss about in there all day. It’s hard work being out here waiting on them.”

In the Sin Bin the celebrities were worried about having to clean up the mess in the camp made by the younger ones and having to wait on them hand and foot. But Stef was looking forward to cooking, she said: “What they cooked last night was a mystery it just resembled goo, like slime that would come off your head.”

Jessica-Jane hit back: “When Stef was moaning about the dinner and the ants, I thought, ‘right you can have another night in there, its war Mrs Toad!’ Stef thinks I don’t know anything that happened before I was born but she hasn’t got a clue about anything that happened after she was born, she doesn’t know what we are talking about half the time. I stopped listening to Stef a long time ago when she started to correct the way I said oregano.”

Willie added: “It’s a lose/lose situation – we get the rough end either way.”

 

STROPPY STEFANIE

Stefanie was in a cranky mood in the jungle and had a minor meltdown over the fact the sun cream was not the tinted variety.

“People will call up the show and say there is a dead person on the programme, it has white zinc oxide in the cream and it makes me look like a cadaver, I need one with a tint, it looks like I’m dead. I really need to have some help here, the more I wipe it, the whiter it gets. “

She then stormed into the Bush Telegraph and demanded a scarf and said being on the show was no longer fun.

“I’d like a scarf, every time I put something out to dry it disappears, I need a scarf! It was lying on a tree and now it’s not there, now I’m getting pissed off my temper is getting to a point where this is not fun anymore. This is a f***ing TV show! Let’s just get this straight! Jesus Christ! We smell, we’re tired, we’re cranky and we’re bored.”

She also complained about Emily not knowing where Chile is. When Emily said that geography wasn’t her strong point, Stef said: “Your generation! I don’t know if it was your parents or the educational system but no-one taught you this stuff. Well now you have to catch up – you really do!”

 

BEAT THE BUGS – WEIGH IT UP

Fatima burst into tears and Chrissie ended up very upset after the final round of Beat the Bugs hosted by Ian Smith aka Harold Bishop from Neighbours.

In Weigh it Up one celebrity had to hold a box while the other scooped up as many of the bugs as possible – the box that held the most bugs won and were liberated or imprisoned in the Sin Bin.

From the sidelines Pat told Chrissie that she had to hold the box while Emily scooped up the bugs for the blue team. Chrissie responded by saying: “That will be an advantage for me because I’m a fat biatch anyway.” Emily managed to collect a total of 10.05kg.

Sinitta screamed and squirmed holding the box while Fatima got stuck into the bugs and the orange team won by collecting 10.60kg and won their way out of the Sin Bin while the blues were gunged and banished from the camp.

Crying tears of relief Fatima said: “There was so much pressure, I didn’t want to let anyone down.”

 

CHRISSIE’S UPSET AT CAMP’S ‘AGEISM’

Chrissie hit out at her fellow celebrities calling them ageist and saying they had not treated her like a team member over the Beat the Bugs game.

“I’ve not been treated like a team mate so I’ve played like one all day. All the encouragement went to Emily and not to me and I couldn’t be arsed with it. In the end I was lying on the hammock and I thought I’d lose it. There’s a lot of ageism in there, they are like ‘they won’t do this because they are old and thick and weak. Well the tortoise and the hare! They underestimated me, I was playing for the team even though I don’t feel part of the team.

“Seeing them get glooped was like ‘serves you right for being cocksure of yourselves, they had acted like they’d already won.”

Mark tried to make amends. “I’m upset and worried, me and you have been close since the start but I know you are upset. I love you to bits and I don’t like to see you down. You are not being left out. “

Chrissie replied: “I felt a wedge between the team and I get on with everyone but I hated people thinking I’m too old.”

 

ANTONY’S STROP OVER THE CROC POT

Celebrities were disappointed when they received a dinner of crocodile tail. Antony whinged how long it would take to cook and moaned: “Just stick it in a croc pot...I will not be defeated by a f*cking crocodile's tail” He added: “now we have 12 depressed people in here what is entertaining about that?”

Antony defended himself to Fatima who accused him of taking out his frustrations on the others: “I don’t need to be told if it is wasted energy or not. I don’t find it wasted energy… I like to get it off my chest, I am pissed off!! I am very funny about food”. To which Fatima replied: “And you’re off -loading it onto all of us, and that is pissing us off”.

Antony got more frustrated while cooking when he accidentally tipped ash & water into the stir-fry, he screamed:  “Ohhh the water's just gone in all the food... all over the food... there's ash... ash has all gone in the food”.

Celebrities tried to calm him down with Sinitta reassuring him: “You know pregnant woman eat ash”. Stefanie bizarrely complimented his efforts: “You've done a wonderful thing, Antony , you've just made a silk purse out of a sow's ear”.
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