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November 19th - Into the Echoing Chasm!

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: November 19th - Into the Echoing Chasm!
    Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 11:29
Well, it feels very strange to be writing this review in the cold, clear light of day - and here’s a note for the powers-that-be at the BBC - don’t ever, no matter how tempted you are, screen a daytime ‘Strictly’ extravaganza - you need artificial darkness and bursts of blinding light to distract the viewer from the tawdriness of it all!

What you don’t need is an echo-echo-echo chamber packed with 6000 specially selected raving lunatics seated on tiers around a ‘dance-floor’ the size of an Olympic swimming-pool!

Mind you, the echo-echo-echo saved me one task - commenting on t’joodges comments, which I can’t do because I couldn’t make out a single word they were saying - apart from Alesha’s occasional (possibly because she was speaking in a higher register) scream of ‘Good job (job-job-job)’!

Unfortunately, after an initial witless diatribe describing the ’wonders’ which were to feature in the coming fiasco by Tactless Tess and an opening which consisted of what looked like assorted brightly coloured ants jigging around in a frenzied manner to bastardised ‘Queen’ music while two ants who’d got stuck in the net curtains struggled to get free and an ant wearing a Brian May circa 1978 wig and strumming an inflatable guitar was swung back and forth on a wire, I was unable to avoid hearing most of what Sir Bruce ‘Dementia’ Forysth was shouting!   

I bet Dr. May thanks God daily that his stupid wife’s involvement in this classy show is adding to Queen’s legend week by week! Please read the preceding sentence with all of the sarcasm available to you!   

Would someone PLEASE tell the Old Chuffer that mincing rapidly forward on tiptoe like the Pink Panther is NOT bliddy ‘dancing’ - and - Oh.My.God!    Here comes Tactless staggering toward him from the other direction in an eye-achingly blue satin sack worn over such an inadequate foundation garment she looks as if she has four boobs!

Lord help us and save us - the Old Loony (who, week by week, is morphing into a perfect facsimile of Wilfred Brambell playing ’Old Steptoe) thinks it’s *his* show and has started ‘working’ the crowd - if he starts to sing and ’dance’ at any point, I’ll switch this nonsense off and I will never, ever watch it again!

And here they come - the stars of our show - all of the women (bar Ooh la la) wearing frocks of such strange design it’s almost impossible to work out which dance they’ll be including a few steps of in this week’s offerings! I see hairdressing have saved themselves a lot of time by tarting the women’s front hair up a bit and clipping on varying amounts of fake hair. Only the Dobbin, the Bleakely clone and young Chelsee seemed to have escaped this fate - but we’re kicking off with ….

Wild Robbie (all his own hair) and Ooh La La:-
Ooh does like the stencilled on catsuit, doesn’t she? Whenever she wears an outfit like this, I know instinctively that the ‘dance’ is going to be utter rubbish and she’s going to do her damndest to distract attention from said rubbish by writhing around like a snake trying to shed a too tight skin. And so it proved to be - whatever it was they were alleged to be ‘dancing’ - personally, I haven’t a clue - it could have been anything - we’ll just write it down as ‘vaguely Latin’ on account of no evidence of an evening dress or tails.

Moving swiftly on past the incomprehensible joodges and assuming the marks given won’t be wonderful by the absence of waving arms and beaming expressions - we come to the male half of the Jordan sketch and the Bleakely clone who is wearing a tacky-looking, too long frock in black, white and a flash of red . Aha!The length must indicate that her footwork is suspect!
I *think* it was supposed to be a ballroom tango, but who knows for sure?   A bit more animation from t’joodges and a bit of ‘business’ from Bruno probably indicates that their scores will be better - yes, they are! God knows why!

Who’s next?

Bouncing Russell and Fast Flav:-
Is Russell supposed to be dressed as Pudsey Bear? I thought the Children in Need crapfest was over for this year! Oh, I don’t bliddy believe it - no, Russell, no - as much as I love you, being shot out of a cannon and dangling on a wire before launching into the same dance, yet again, is what I call ‘jumping the shark’ - I’m afraid the ’joke’s worn too thin and you’ll have to go now!

Jolly Holly and Brenda(n)
Oh, curses! Comrade Teethski’s back at the helm! Well, that must be the quickest recovery from a ‘serious’ spinal injury since Captain Crawley’s on Dowton Abbey! Mind you, at least dear Mr Matthew had ‘spinal shock’ - from reading around it appears that the Comrade had just cracked the bony ‘spur’ on one of his vertebrae - an injury so ‘serious’ I once treated a golfer who’d cracked three and who went back and finished his round!   I have no doubt the glowing appraisals which Holly attracted last week under Brendan‘s excellent tuition hastened his recovery! Soooo, he’s back - and so is the same-y , boring, show-dance choreography rendered even more appalling by the truly hideous outfit Holly was wearing.   Lousy! Next!

Anita Dobbin and the Gallant Kwik-fitter:-
Possibly one of few decent frocks of the night - I do wish he’d grow his hair a bit and wear proper clothes as he has possibilities and I like his dancing and choreography. She tried - she just wasn’t bouncy enough!

Drummer Harry and The (smirking) Orange Peril:-
What was that supposed to be? Why is that stupid boy showing off his puny chest? Why can’t she do the frigging dance she’s supposed to? Why am I watching this drivel?

Sideshow Chelsee and Pashion:-
D’you know - this little girl managed to light up the whole show for me! Loved her dress, her hair and her ‘bounce’ - and kudos to Pasha, that was a recognisable saaarmba and had so much party spirit, I might have leapt up and had a go meself if I wasn’t wearing my warm dressing-gown and slippers. I like this boy - not in the same way as I adored Il Divino and the My First Beloved Ian Waite - but I do love his dancing and choreography!

And finally ….
Popeye Donovan and The Soviet Strumpet:-
What the hell is she wearing? It’s *horrible* enough on its own without being teamed with gleaming white trainers! I thought cupples outfits were supposed to match or at least reflect each other’s? It was a jive, was it? I hate the jive - and this one gave me no reasons to alter my opinion.

Is it over? Thank the gods! Here’s another tip for the BBC powers - don’t ever repeat this experiment - if you want to go walkabout, go to bliddy Blackpool!

One thing I must say before I depart - I can’t think of words strong and scathing enough to apply to whoever thought up the idea of having those appalling, video-ed ‘vignettes’ before every dance instead of training footage. Get rid!

Sorry if the review’s not up to the usual standard - it was just so weird doing it in daylight and without the benefit of a drink or two (or three).   We had a wonderful night last night - well, that’s what we’re telling my sister - and we didn’t fret at all while sitting eating enormous amounts of Chinese food and striving to be ‘vivacious’ for the family while longing to be at home, lying on the sofa in comfy ’jamas with copious drinks to hand and the cats to cuddle.
We *did* take the furries a ‘catty’ bag home, but they were so annoyed at our deserting them that they pretended they didn’t know who we were and ran upstairs and hid when we got home!
Worst of all, we knew Barcelona kicked off at 6:55 pm - fortunately, the hubba had spotted a telly showing the match in the pub next door - and excused himself so often during the meal to go and check on our boys that my sister asked me if he had a problem with his prostate!

Normal service will be resumed next week! nod

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 11:47
Aida, you'll be the death of me! "Writhing around like a snake trying to shed as too-tight skin" set me off laughing, and I haven't stopped since.
 
Your reviews are the best thing about this farce of a "dance competition" by a very long way!Clap
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  Quote jacii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 14:00
Absolutely spot on with your remarks, made me laugh, lol..
 I also remarked on the other link, that the irritating antics of brendan and james behind tess were like a couple of three year olds high on sugar withdrawals, they do it every week...lol...lol...


Edited by jacii - 20 Nov 2011 at 14:04
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  Quote TashaK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 14:41
Spot on in every way and a great observation about Ooh-la-la and her camel toe costume

I agree, we mustn't forget the hyperactive, and very annoying, toddlers ... Grow up already!


I love your blog


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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 15:36
 "I have no doubt the glowing appraisals which Holly attracted last week under Brendan‘s excellent tuition hastened his recovery! Soooo, he’s back - and so is the same-y , boring, show-dance choreography rendered even more appalling by the truly hideous outfit Holly was wearing.   Lousy! Next! "
 
 
Totally agree Aida, LOL
Not enjoying Artem and Holly.
 
Great review of the evening Clap

Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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  Quote emasl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 16:56
I love your take each week on SCD and I have a go as well if anyone is interested.

http://randomjottings.typepad.com/random_jottings_of_an_ope/2011/11/strictly-goes-to-wembley.html
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  Quote Stanmore Witch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 18:03

Thank youbAida for still producing a scathing blog, despite family intervention.

Keep it up
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 20:22
Aida.. it wasn't even like the "proper" show.. I hated it..just glad that Russell was daft enough to get shot out the cannon.. I shall let you off picking on my beloved.. will be glad to have you back and normal service to resume next week.. week..week....
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  Quote BCfan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 21:49
Thank you once again Aida.  I did not think many of the dances were true to their roots and I could not see, for the life of me, why the judges praised so many.  Times gone by they would have commented on footwork, and the lack of basic steps etc., but now it seems anything goes.
 
I loved the partnership of Holly and Brendan, and felt that Holly took two steps back this week - in her partnership with Artem.  Much as I like him, and I do (loved him in Burn the Floor long before he came to SCD) but his partnership with Holly is not working.  She should believe in herself more, so she has to share the blame, but I was actually disappointed not to see her and Brendan dance this week.  I felt the routine was quite poor for both celeb and professional. 
 
Your tales of your SCD evenings (in this case day time) and your observations on SCD, make my weekend.  I look forward to reading all of your comments and descriptions.  Absolutely 100% spot on.
 
Just as an aside, here are two photos of your beloveds, to make you smile over something other than the judges scoring.
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  Quote Force Ten Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 22:45
The gorgeous Mr Waite was in the audience and I got a big cuddle and a kiss off him during the break between the main show and the results show!Wink

To be in the audience there was fantastic - I haven't watched it back on a tv yet so I don't know how it came over - I gather from all the various comments, not that well.  Loved your report though Aida.nod
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Nov 2011 at 23:36
Oh Aida, you wrote everything I was thinking while I watched tonight.  Loving your work Big%20smile
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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  Quote terrip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2011 at 07:00
Aida, loved your comment: "Well, that must be the quickest recovery from a ‘serious’ spinal injury since Captain Crawley’s on Downton Abbey".  Sorry that Russell's gone - what's to look forward to now??
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Nov 2011 at 10:14
Wow!
Thank you all for the wonderful support and encouragement - and special thanks to BC Fan for the lovely pics - they reminded me of the days when I simply couldn't wait for Saturdays to come around!

Don't worry, terrip - we always have the possibility, albeit remote, of Bruno spontaneously combusting at the height of a cadenza or Pop Forsyth losing his footing, cannoning into Tactless and knocking the pair of them unconscious to look forward to!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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