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Saturday 5th November - Squibs and Sparklers!

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Saturday 5th November - Squibs and Sparklers!
    Posted: 05 Nov 2011 at 20:10
Bliddy Bonfire Night again!   Unlike last year when most of the local hooligans, who don’t even live here but seem drawn like magnets to torment our end of the estate were probably tagged and at home under curfew, this year we seem to have returned to a re-enactment of the Battle of Britain!

Well, at least the kid with the bazooka hasn’t turned up yet and all of the cats, well sedated with the abundance of freshly-roasted chicken I gave them for their evening meal, are peacefully slumbering and seem unmoved by the flashes of light and the explosions - it must be just my nerves which are on the stretch and easily irritated.

Tonight, in a complete change to the usual menu, we’re having steaks, salad and chips - the hubba would live on steak and chips if he had the chance and after last week’s extravaganza which resulted in enough food to feed the Terracotta Army had they suddenly sprung to life, he’s banned from trying anything exotic. If I hadn’t had the sense to let the cats into the kitchen to plunder the leftovers while he lay in a post-prandial coma, we’d have still been finishing it up! Hence the change in menu - surely to goodness, he can be trusted to cut up a bit of salad and throw some chips in the oven - I have a plan to save the steaks from becoming his usual burnt offerings - more of that later.

This seems to be the week for my ‘I absolutely HATE Strictly in its current format’ rant - Oh, I can’t be @rsed - just read last year’s if you’re interested, nothing’s changed!

The hubba’s just fetched my drink and handed it to me with a sympathetic smile - it looks a bit short on gin, but trying a different tactic to screaming for more and stronger alcohol, I manage to conjure up a sweet and cajoling smile and practically purr my request to have a refill whenever I shout. Let’s hope this works - fingers crossed - I think he’s going a bit deaf!

Here we go - come on, make it snappy!

Oh, God help us - just look at the old dodderer - he can‘t even read the bliddy autocue now! Garrrggggghh!   I see it’s poppy week - again - which usually means that every single ‘*dancer’ will have one pinned to whatever scraps of material make up their ‘*costumes’ - and yes - they have!
(* both terms used loosely)
Tactless appears to be naked apart from some stencilling in an ecru shade on a body stocking, the sacred belt, the poppy and a pair of clumpy shoes.

Eeeek! Gnasher!

Get on, get on, get on!
Lulu and Brenda(n)
The tango, eh? We’ll see!   Oh, right - let’s waste time getting downstairs and have horrible non-tango music, that should do it! It was rotten from start to finish!   Jennifer who? Colour me unimpressed - I’m probably the only person in the UK who absolutely hated ‘Dirty Dancing’ - but at least she seems to be able to read from the script somebody’s shoved in front of her. Shut up, Alesha - and here goes Bruno off on his first cadenza - they should put out a search for the sedative nurse - they’ll probably find her locked in a cupboard.
Hmmm - so Craig’s the Head Joodge, probably a huge improvement on Old Pop Goodman - I see the Grey woman’s --- Aaaarrrggghh - shut up, Lulu, shut up, you simple bint!
Ahem - the Dirty Dancer seems to have beaten Alesha to the green-room champagne!

Audrey and Tina Sparkle:-
Will this be the week Audrey snaps and lays about himself with his fists? Hope so!
Oh, heavens - it’s the Viennese Whirl - with props! Waltz, will you - for God’s sake WALTZ!! At last! Well, it was nice and I love Audrey, but this’ll probably be his last week since the rabid voting fangirls of the GBP don’t seem struck by him. Craig’s a hoot unfettered by Pop Goodman. This new woman who only seems to have been given an ’8’ paddle is a waste of space - but not as much as Tactless in Ms Personality mode, of course! Oh, go on - punch her Audrey - show her the difference between a smile and a fist.

Drummer Harry and The Orange Peril:-
Taking a break from shelf-stacking for a sarmba - hmmm - will they start or finish by rolling the floors? Or do both? Yet again, they besmirch both Santana and the Brazilian football team by using ‘their’ music in rehearsals - heaven only knows what rubbish they’ll be dancing to. Not a lot of ‘bounce’, is there? I usually love the sarmba and have often leaped up (once spraining my ankle) to join in - didn’t feel that for a single second - that wasn’t a ‘party dance’ in my opinion.


Yawn! The crazed audience are on their feet again - and so’s Bruno - why don’t you just ask him out before Alesha does, caro? Craig apparently fancies him as well - and so does the one-film wonder - and Alesha makes it a full house!

Hark at Tactless who, even after years of instruction, can’t even point her toe!
Excessive scores - not unexpected, since proper dancing is the least important
element in this stupid show.

Anita Dobbin and the Kwik-fitter:-
The Charleston - she probably remembers this from her younger days - I wonder if poor old Dr. May is sitting glumly in the audience bracing himself for this week’s parody of a Queen song?
It’s very hard to dislike this dance - and to this music, I simply can’t ! Loved it - I think I’ve probably warmed to the fitter since his gallantry last week, but he’s one of the few who actually does the required dance with his celebrity. [:)
Excellent stuff - I’m ignoring the joodges because I’m sick of them!

Popeye and the Soviet Strumpet:-
My answer to Pop Forsyth’s question re: fancying Popeye - I’d rather stick pins in my eyes - red-hot pins at that!
I hate the roomba - I liked Colin Jackson’s, but I won’t like Popeye’s - he really is a personality-free zone without a script, isn’t he? Oh look, she’s had hair extensions and a double-dip of Fake Bake! Yes, very good - yawn - is it nearly finished yet, I’m famished and so’s Orlando - between him mewing robustly and relentlessly and the bliddy fireworks shattering the night and my still empty glass, I’m getting really p*ssed off!
T’joodges seem to have decided that it’s to be the shelf-stacker’s night for glory tonight - I don’t like Popeye personally, but nobody could deny the excellence of Kristina’s choreography which should bliddy well count for something.

The Bleakely Clone and the Former Werewolf:-
Another personality-free zone - and I absolutely loathe him and this totally yawnsome ‘hard man’ persona which has been invented for him. I don’t care if this proves to be the best quickstep since Fred Astaire danced it, I’ll still hate it even though I’ve got a fresh drink now.

I’ve just counted my crits and there’s only been six so far! I’m so disappointed I’ve just slugged my drink off in one.

Wild Robbie and Ooh-la-la:-
Oh, the waltz - that’ll be exciting - he‘ll have a job getting his chest out, but I‘ve not quite given up hope!
Forsyth proving beyond the shadow of a doubt he knows f*ck all about football - and they’re off!
Hmmm - he looks surprisingly sexy in gentlemanly and romantic mode - crikey - a return to sitting on the steps brought a flashback to that clown from Eastenders who was on Series 5.
The male joodges don’t like him, do they? Alesha does, but she likes everybody tonight - yes, unlike Popeye, I’d actually like him to woo me, Tactless - he’s lovely and he likes football - my perfect man! [:)

Woohooo!

Bouncing Russell and Fast Flav:-
Oh, what a scream - he’s doing the paso! Oh my God! Carmen - and that‘s definitely not the ‘band‘! I shall ignore the props in favour of how much he cheered me up and how much I adored the music! She is a clever, clever girl - her ‘comedy touch’ is just light enough to ensure enjoyment without sacrificing the dance.

Sideshow Chelsee and Pashion:-
Oh, I like the Charleston and this should be good. Well, hated the props, loved the costume, but the singer’s timing seemed to put her off in places, she was brilliant while the band was playing alone in the middle section. Can’t help but like her - and his choreography is excellent.[:)
Well deserved scores!

Oh, Lord - it can only be …..
Jolly Holly and Comrade Teethski:-
This’ll be the usual show dance with a few scattered steps from the jive - have I ever mentioned that I hate the jive? Well, I do - and I’m not struck on this pair of crashing bores either. Many bars into the music - when are they going to start jiving? I’m sorry, Teethski fans, but there wasn’t nearly enough ’jive’ in that and what there was was boring.
*Note to self - Brace yourself for ridiculously exorbitant scores yet again! Yes, I knew it! I never thought I’d miss Old Pop Goodman pointing out that it wasn’t a bliddy jive.

Right - I’m going to tart this up, shove in a few smilies and, since I told the hubba that it didn’t finish until 8:30 pm, I should be in time to rush downstairs - avoiding lurking cats - and rescue the steaks from being cremated!

I’ll be back later to see who got the bullet - I know who I wish it was!








Edited by Aida - 06 Nov 2011 at 08:07

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Nov 2011 at 20:26
Wonderful Aida, as per,
just got my cat back in, and now double barricaded the unlockable (by the cat) cat flap.
debating whether to bother with X-factor, probably won't, got some good tv recorded from last night.
 
I like Robbie too, one of my favs., so have voted for him tonight,along with Jason.
 
Did quite like Craig as head jooge too!! altho would of preferrred a 'proper ' dance jooge too,
The one film wonder a waste of space!
Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Nov 2011 at 22:58
As ever Aida, a hoot!ClapI had those same awful flashbacks with Robbie's wanderings too.  Hom-hum, at least there were some proper dances done that series!
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Nov 2011 at 23:21
oh Aida, glad I wasn't the only one underwhelmed by Strictly tonite, mind you my poor dog was being driven mad by the fireworks so my concentration wasn't at it's best, your blog actually makes it worth watching!.. thanks again.. think you'll be happy with who got dumped out tonite .. I know I am!
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Nov 2011 at 23:49
Hooray! I'm over the moon at the result!

I'm also soooooooo pleased to hear Deb's cat is safely home and barricaded in - that black fool of mine's been trying to escape ever since he was brought in and the cat-door locked at 3pm!

Sorry to hear about the poor little dog being so upset, Tups - if only we could explain to them that the bangs and flashes can't hurt them!    

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Nov 2011 at 00:24
great as always Aida, strictly was decidedlu meh tonight

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  Quote terrip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Nov 2011 at 06:34
Absolutely great.  Thanks for the entertainment.  Better than the show . . . as always.

I  thought the 'one film wonder' was an actress?  Why didn't she learn her lines instead of reading them?  She was a completely useless addition - even though she looks fabulous for 50+.
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  Quote littlesue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Nov 2011 at 14:18
She looks good thanks to some good plastic surgery, she is a totally diferent looking woman to the one in Dirty Dancing
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Nov 2011 at 19:59
Hmmm maybe i should start having G&T's while watching too. You seem to have had a much more enjoyable evening that i have just had watching it on iplayer!  
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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