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Saturday 29th October - Halloween Horrors!

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Saturday 29th October - Halloween Horrors!
    Posted: 29 Oct 2011 at 20:38
Well, it’s been a strange sort of week - the hubba, having searched for the Shouting Man’s Chinese takeaway emporium like the Knights of the Round Table searched for the Holy Grail, has now decided that the food’s so tasty because they use too much MSG - so, this week - probably for one week only - he’s cooking us a Chinese meal himself!

He was nearly stymied when Barcelona tempestuously decided to kick off at 7pm - but as he’d bought the ingredients he decided to record them to watch later so that I could watch SCD and write this blog while he (wearing a surgical mask) cuts up the millions of things he’s bought - may God have mercy on our digestive systems.

The reason he’s wearing a mask is simple - he has a cold - and a cough - a very loud and resonant cough. It’s been like living with a bronchitic, sneezing, roaring sea lion all week - he makes such a lot of noise, particularly at night - that the cats have abandoned us and slept downstairs on the sofa - a few nights I felt like joining them!
Never mind - they seem to have forgiven him as they’re all ’helping’ him with his preparations now - I can hear him yelling at them in between bouts of chopping stuff up - poor little blighters - they don’t know what they’re in for if his wok-wielding all goes wrong!

I’ve made provision for constructing my own drinks this week since he promised to make drinks for me last week and then ignored me while I shouted myself hoarse. When he *did* actually respond - once - he brought the drink, slammed it down and snapped, “This isn’t frigging Downton Abbey, you know!”

Oh, enough of me - this should be the funniest show of the year - if the opening ‘dance’ is anything to go by, things look promising!

Oh, look, they’ve replaced Forysth’s feet with wheels - and Tess is got up as Morticia Addams in one of Vermin’s finest ever one-shoulder creations - unfortunately he didn’t have quite enough sparkly material and had to bung in a bit of PVC over the bodice - sadly, she’s forgotten the wig to complete the outfit.

Yes, dear, my nerves were jangling long before Sir Boralot did his Old Steptoe impersonation. I’m ignoring him this week - it’s the only way to resist the temptation to bang my head against the keyboard. I just wish I could manage to ignore her!

Dear God - look at them - there’s some right clips there - hmmmm - I can’t see Craig getting far in the Quidditch World Cup!

Aaaaaaaaargh - Gnasher Hardy - the most fearsome sight of the night so far!

Ooooh - hooray! First up!

Bouncing Russell and Fast Flav:-
Still love the cheeky little devil - I’ll even forgive him for one of the worst sarmba’s I’ve ever seen in me life! The cat Orlando and I still danced to it - we’re not proud! Poor Alesha seems to have got her pashmina in a bit of a knot - all t’joodges seem strangely subdued - the powers-that-be at the Beeb must have locked the bar in the green room.

Sideshow Chelsee and Pashion:-
Props and faffing - but some lovely tango-ing once they got started. Aw, bless her, she’s really upset, poor bairn!    I didn’t think \I’d like this little lass at the outset of this series, but I actually do - I like her a lot - and the boy Pashion dances *properly*!

Audrey and Tina Sparkle:-
I bliddy hope he‘s not got up as Lurch!   Love Natalie’s outfit - she looks like ‘Poison Ivy’ from the Batman film. Oh, God, I hate props - and I hate the bliddy jive, but it’s Audley and he’s trying really hard so I’m saying nowt!

Blimey - I just realised I’ve written three nice crits in a row - well, it’s Strictly’s fault for putting all me favourites on first!

The Welsh Bleakely Clone and the Former Werewolf:-
Hell's Bells - his costume emphasises his receding hair, doesn’t it . Love the paso - love the dress - not keen at all on his Bela Lugosi ’look’! I don’t know, it was probably very good but this pair leave me absolutely unmoved although I did think the bit where he was chasing her was hilarious.
Aha - Bruno’s off - he must have brought a hipflask!

Jolly Holly and Comrade Teethski:-
An American Smooth to Swan Lake? Well, knowing Teethski, it’ll be the same old dance as always - I just wish the shade of Tchaikovsky would suddenly materialise and throttle the life out of them. The loony audience are going berserk, t’joodges are beside themselves, so obviously it was great - but to me, it looked like something out of a pantomime done to allow a main character to have a costume change.

Oh for God’s sake, Tactless - a mouse running across the floor would get a standing ovation on this show - surprise, surprise - no ‘tens’! Teehee!

Woohoo - this should be a corker - it can’t be worse than Carol Voldemort’s roomba - can it?

Nancy dell’Oliveoyl and The Berk:-
Oh rats! It was far from great but it wasn’t quite as bad as I thought it would be - colour me amazed! Aha - Bruno’s shared the hip-flask with Alesha - and she’s had a good, long swallow by the sound of her.

If I could get my hands on the ninny who’s encouraging Tactless to be Ms Personality, I could show everybody a Halloween Horror!

Harry Drummer and The Orange Peril:-
Well, she’s pretty scary on an ordinary week, so she has the advantage. I predict there’ll be loads of stupid props, faffing and rolling the floors and not much tango - and I was right - all I missed was his gormless expression at the conclusion. Rubbish! Nurse! Screens and more sedative for Bruno! Give Craig a couple of mls too! And give Alesha something stronger - straight through the frock - just ask him out, you silly tart, if you fancy him that much! Oh this is really spooky - for the second week in a row, I’m agreeing with Pop Goodman.

Why is everybody so jealous of Robbie’s beautiful hair? Including Ooh-la-la, although maybe she just did that to throw the balding husband off the scent!

Wild Robbie and Ooh la la:-
Love the costumes - actually, all joking aside they look great together - I feel quite faint after all the crotch-grabbing and the chest on show - Oh, shut up, Craig - it made this middle-aged little woman very happy even if it did make me choke on me G&T !   That sedative’s had no effect on Alesha and Bruno, has it - mind you, they probably swapped the drug for sterile water before the show started.

Shut up, you noisy, gobby biatch, shut up, shut up, shut up!


Anita Dobbin and the Kwik-fit fitter:-
Another tango - that’s okay, I love the tango - love the frock, not so keen on his princess-line trousers - liked the dance until the ‘rolling the floors’ bit - it looked as if he was going to do a pit-examination or an oil change - actually, he must have been doing an oil-change when he realised it was showtime as he hasn’t had time to wash his face.

Lulu and Brenda(n) - or the Lone Ranger and Tonto in drag - take your pick! :-
Another paso - no doubt mostly composed of Brenda(n) wafting his cape. Correction, ‘flying’, chiffon cape-wafting, wind machine and this week’s insult to heavy metal fans everywhere. Oh look, they’re dancing - don’t bother - fly or waft the capes again! The audience are madder than Alesha and Bruno.

Popeye Donovan and the Soviet Strumpet:-
Did he just say ‘f*ck’ in the training footage! Blimey!
They haven’t bothered getting very dressed up, have they, but they actually look stylish and ’right’ for the dance. I like proper dances even if I don’t like this cupple much, and I really, really liked that quickstep! Best dance of the night - I’ll even forgive Alesha that ‘10’!

Well, that’s me done - both the smoke alarms are going off downstairs and the cats’ mewing seems to have a frantic note - I suppose I may as well go and sort him out - he makes a wonderful roast dinner, but this is his first go at anything exotic - I’ll be back later to see who got the bullet - if I survive!

Edited by Aida - 29 Oct 2011 at 20:43

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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BCfan View Drop Down
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  Quote BCfan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2011 at 23:40
As always, a gem.  Thank youClap
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Vintage Vamp
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2011 at 23:43
LOL  Aida that was better than the show :)
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2011 at 01:31
certainly was! .. just managed to catch up.. not the greatest of shows to tonight.. ah well.. at least we have Aida.. of to read the spoiler now
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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2011 at 08:43
Oh dear, Aida! The Lone Ranger and Tonto in drag.... hilarious!  Thank you!LOL
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2011 at 21:59
Nice one Aida. Had a thought, maybe the shouty Chinese man also has cats 'helping' him with his preparations!!

Another great read, you are my Sunday pleasure Aida Big%20smile
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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