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Saturday 15th - Just when you thought ... .

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Saturday 15th - Just when you thought ... .
    Posted: 15 Oct 2011 at 23:51
.. it couldn't get any cornier - God help us and save us - the Beeb come up with a whole show tailored to the dubious talents of the Old Cornball himself! If Pop Forsyth sings - or dances - even once, I can’t guarantee my sanity will survive!

Yawn - and first up we have the professional male dancers - not a looker amongst them any more, if you don’t count Vinthent and Pashion - and the Tango-ed Tarts aren’t far behind. Hmmm - none of them should dance next to Tina Sparkle - she makes them look ordinary.

Garrrggghh - look at the old ninny! Oh, how I wish he’d trip up and break something - Tactless Tess’s neck for starters!   Speaking of Tactless, what the hell has she got on with the sacred belt - it looks like a plunging neckline hastily filled in with some dyed lace curtain? And what’s she done with her hair? Oh, who cares!

And here come 'the stars of our show' - looking even more stupid than usual - eeeeeeeeeeeek - there’s Gnasher and a captive pensioner! Quick, Graham (the hubba) - no, not the Ventolin - the Glytrin spray, it‘s me heart!

Get on, you old eejit - the electric seats are working fine - the fools were up on their feet at the end of the dance, weren’t they - it’s your ‘jokes’ that stink!

Jolly Holly (in disguise) and Comrade Teeth ski (got up as a gay Apache dancer)
Faffing in a cage - then a few steps of Argentine Tango and into the usual show-dance! She’s not great, is she, once you get past the ‘stagecraft’! Rapturous applause from the eejit audience, as per, rapturous praise from everyone but Craig. Bruno’s off already - he must have managed to outrun the sedative nurse tonight!

Band! It’s a fr*gging BAND, you old fool!

Insult the joodges time - if the ‘jokes’ were any weaker they’d need crutches.   

D’you know something - I’ve never liked Tactless much, but I simply can’t abide her since she started trying to have a ‘personality’ - mind you, it was probably a mistake to model herself on Vermin - he’s about as funny as an outbreak of the Black Death!

Dan .. Erm .. somebody and the Kanadian Kat:-
What a strong contender for ‘Britain’s Premier Bore’ this bloke is. The Viennese Whirl? To Queen? In a leather and lurex waistcoat?    Hopeless - he has all the animation of a block of wood! Were the powers that be hoping that Brian May, driven demented by the band‘s mauling of their song, would get up and snatch a guitar from one of them in a vain attempt to put it right? Hooray for Craig! Boo for Old Pop Goodman - the ‘People’s Friend’!

Anita Dobbin and - gasp - The Kwik-fit Fitter:-
Grow your hair, mate - you just increased your looks-a-meter by about 200%! I *hate* the jive - she looked perfectly demented like a marionette operating on only half the required strings, but maybe she meant to - I once had the misfortune to see a clip from that awful show and everybody in it looked demented!

At this point, I told the hubba to record the rest of the show, and went off to slice up a lemon and a lime for the sustaining drinks, made them while he phoned yet another Chinese takeaway, and switched the telly from the ridiculous to the sublime - yes - Barcelona FC playing on the hallowed ground of the Camp Nou - bliss!

And I’m back, two hours later, happy because my beloved Barcelona won, slightly the worse for drink and pop-eyed from stuffing myself to the gunwales with delicious Chinese food. Acting on a tip-off, the hubba has managed to track down the Shouting man and his crew, and happiness reigns again in the Pyramid.

The Bleakely Clone and the Former Werewolf:-
What the hell is he got up as? If he had green hair, he’d look like The Joker from the old telly series of Batman - if he ever cracked a smile, that is, which seems hardly likely. Robbie Savage has a lovely smile, hasn’t he, Ooh la la? Ahem - well, I know the song, but where are the ‘Cats’ - I mean, I have cats to spare, all somnolent, all full of chicken, prawns and noodles, some snoring sterterously - but I can’t see any ‘Cats’ on the telly! Apparently it was ‘wonderful’ - whatever!

Rory (as Fred Astaire) and La Boag:-
Gorgeous gown and he looks immaculate in his white tie and tails. Loved it, absolutely loved it. Minimal faffing, plenty of dancing - just what I like to see! Brilliant!

Lulu (with extra hair) and Brenda(n):-
I may file for divorce on Monday - the least I shall do is cut the hubba out of my will. I know he’s had a few, but there was still no need to say that if Lulu’s hair was a couple of feet longer and straight, she looks a bit like me!
He must be drunk, he's clearly unimpressed by my simmering cadenza and has commandeered the sofa and fallen into a coma, covered in snoring cats in a similar state of sated content. I may as well carry on by meself - ahem - the dance was lousy from start to finish apart from some decent cape whirling and moody mooching around by Brenda(n). Once he was daft enough to involve Lulu, it all went wrong! Oh, so it was a rumba, was it? News to me!

Nancy dell’OliveOyl and The Berk:-
She was all right perched on the chair - and totally lost the second she got up off it. I can’t be bothered wasting time on this sciagurata - apart from to say it was the best laugh of the night so far!

Audrey and Tina Sparkle:-
She’s great - he tries - Bruno’s right - Audrey *has* got feet the size of surfboards and ‘quick’ stepping was, unsurprisingly, a bit beyond him. He’s still gorgeous, but I fear for him this week as voters will probably forgotten all about that hopeless ‘Dan’ character by now!

Wild Robbie and Ooh-la-la:-
Gorgeous kids - no doubt Mrs. Savage shrewdly sent them along to remind him - and Ooh - that he’s married. He looked pretty damn gorgeous tonight - I *loved* the tango face and the general air of menace was ! Adored it - probably for all the wrong reasons. They seem - er - very close, don’t they?    (insert own evil laugh)

Bouncing Russell and Fast Flavia:-
I love Russell! Tonight he looks like a dancing poached egg - and I can’t criticise him because he’s too sweet and fluffy and it would be like criticising kittens! Glorious gown on La Flav! Loved them!

Popeye Donovan and the Soviet Strumpet:-
I’m not a Popeye fan - never have been - and I don’t see how it’s fair for him to do a dance he clearly knew inside out. For me, it was too ‘stagey’ a tango with too much ‘business‘, but I suppose since the remit was ‘Broadway’, that’s not a valid criticism. I don’t care, I still don’t like them! Not tha they need me when t’joodges are jostling for position to outdo each other with superlatives!

Sideshow Chelsee and Pashion:-
What strange costumes - her in the fringed cossie (complete with unflattering belt) and him dressed to go hunting. I hate the bliddy char x3 - not that it mattered - she seemed to do the same dance she’s already done twice. I have a feeling she peaked early and we’ve already seen the best, but we’ll see, if she’s spared - which she may well be as the marks didn’t match the comments.

If Pop Forsyth had worked so hard to make me look ‘thick’ - his grey hairs wouldn’t have protected him and I’d have blacked his eye!   

And finally ….

Drummer Harry and The Orange Peril:-
God, I’ve had enough of Forsyth - I think the G&T’s sort of magnify how abysmal he is - get on, get on, get on, you garrulous old bustard.

And to nobody’s surprise - the bliddy jive - my second most hated dance, hated even more when it’s mostly posing and faffing and little jiving interspersed with him running his hands through his hair (too often) and her writhing around (too lasciviously).   His bare chest did nowt for me - it just made me think he’d forgotten his t-shirt - and I really dislike her choreography.

Other thoughts - Bruno was a hoot tonight and certainly seemed to be the judge most likely to have consumed most of the green-room bar contents, I’ve come across lemons less bitter and acid than Craig, Pop Goodman drives me mad in his relentless quest to come across as a National Treasure/ The Nations’ Grandfather - and Alesha - well, she’s beautiful, and she’s a reminder of the gloriousness of Il Divino - it was them I saw dancing in my mind’s eye while the singer was murdering ‘Memory’!

Right - I’m going to tidy this up, stick some smilies in and post it - then it’s off to the main forum to see what everyone else thought and find out who got chucked out!

P.S:- I may have overdosed a bit on 'smilies' - I must be tipsier than I thought I was!

Edited by Aida - 15 Oct 2011 at 23:52

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2011 at 00:13
ooh aida am PMSL  haha russel looking like a dancing poached egg LOL
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  Quote terrip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2011 at 08:00
Fab - you - lous.  Thank you.
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  Quote Force Ten Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2011 at 08:16
Brilliant, as always.  Glad you found the shouty Chinese man again and the cats are happy once more.  Mine (HRH) prefers spaghetti bolognese!Shocked
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  Quote anniemay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2011 at 11:11
Thank you Aida, as always, a joy to read your thoughts on SCD, and like Force Ten, glad that you found your shouty chinese man, so you and  Mr Aida can enjoy your Saturday supper.
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2011 at 14:55
brilliant Aida.. and like everyone else glad you found the shouty Chinese man again.. SCD would not be the same without you
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Oct 2011 at 22:42
Hahaha - laughing so much as the poached egg comment!

I'm so happy you tracked down your shouty man! And i think I'll follow your lead and watch next week with a stiff G&T!
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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  Quote Tango Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Oct 2011 at 11:12
Fab as ever.
Glad you found your "good" Chinese again and you are all happy again in the Pyramid. One of mine had his last 4 teeth out this week, so we now have a gummy bear for a cat, but he still stole my spag bol on saturday!
 
Poached egg comment made me giggle!
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Oct 2011 at 12:16
Bruno’s off already - he must have managed to outrun the sedative nurse tonight!
 
very funny, all of the above, I'm enjoying Bruno, but also Craig too, who imo seems generally much happier these days, and happy to play the part of the nasty pantomine judge, seriously tho, i only pay attention to his  (Craig's) scores these days.

Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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  Quote Ginger Rogers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Oct 2011 at 22:12
Anita Dobbin like a marionette, and Brenda (n) Cole, your blog is better entertainment than the show itself----brilliant.   
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  Quote BCfan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Oct 2011 at 00:12
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.  You deserve national recognition for this critique every week.  Absolute top drawer!Clap
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