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Saturday Shenanigans, Oct 1st

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Aida View Drop Down
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Penis FlyTrap

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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Saturday Shenanigans, Oct 1st
    Posted: 01 Oct 2011 at 23:40
Grumbling - this won't do! It’s far too early for dinner and far too hot to feel hungry enough for the ‘what‘ll we have to eat tonight‘ argument! Let me explain - since we last met in the ‘Cool Blue’, the shouting man’s Chinese takeaway has mysteriously disappeared and despite trying various other similar emporia, we can’t find one we like - I know one thing for sure - after tonight’s extravaganza, the last thing I’ll want is a curry!

At least the heat has had the effect of anaesthetising the cats who are all flat out on our bed, snoring gently - how I wish the same could have been said for Pop Forsyth - well, not on our bed, but somewhere snoring gently instead of yammering on and boring the @rse off the nation.

Come on, Aida - this won’t do - get into funny mode quick or they’ll all be off!

Ahem - and here we go, kicking off ominously before the band have struck a single note with a lengthy, dumbed-down description of what is to follow performed by Tactless Tess, a sort of ‘Idiots guide for the easily bewildered’!   

And here comes the idiot herself - crikey - at last she’s taken my advice about lippy, and , if it wasn’t for the fact that in her haste to be first in line for hairdressing she must have forgotten to bring her frock and had to be hastily swathed in one of her dressing-room curtains, she looks almost glamorous!

Even at this early stage, it’s quite apparent that Pop Forysth’s sedation needs topping up - but as he seems to be keeping on the move at a speed which belies his 153 years, they’ll probably have to do it with a dart-gun.

Oh, get on, get on, you silly old windbag - who’s first to the slaughter?

Harry McFly and the Orange Peril:-
Never heard of him - and what a sleaze she is!   T’lad’s not bad but her wriggling writhings make me wish I could remove my brain and put it through a hot wash! I thought this was supposed to be a char char char, not rolling the floors - correction - I just remembered from last year - all of her dances involve rolling the floor!

Yoohoo, Man with the Hat - nice to see you!

Here come t’joodges - Oh no - Bruno’s in lurrrve already - but Craig’s not - and now Pop Goodman’s joined in with shouting the odds - quickly - whizz to Tactless who beams like a loon and confirms to the producer that the current to the seats is on and working.

Too much unfunny Forsyth once Tactless finally stops yapping - who’s next for God's sake …

Rory Bremner and La Boag
Well, I was going to make a crack about him impersonating ________ (insert own choice of ballroom dancer) but every other blighter has, so I won’t ! At least he’s not wearing a boiler suit and her gown is gorgeous (as per) and, as expected, she’s dragged a decent waltz out of him, apart from the ‘dragging a sack of coal‘ finale. Don’t grin too widely, Brem - just wait until you see her Latin!

Alex Jones (who?) and The Former Werewolf:-
God, Forsyth’s getting on my t*ts tonight - who is this bint anyway? She looks like a clone of that toothy, orange creature from Norn Iron who knocks about with Frank Lampard! Hahahaahahaaha - hark at the FW - ‘dream partner’, my @rse - once maybe, but not anymore, not since the best bit about you - your hair - started receding at such an alarming rate. Robbie Savage has nice hair, hasn’t he? Sorry, back to the rumba - it is a rumba, isn’t it? No, no, it’s a salsa - what - it’s supposed to be the char x 3 - well, I suppose it wouldn’t make much difference with her as a partner - she has all the suppleness and animation of a block of wood.
Oh, shut the f*ck up, Jordan - Craig’s the only one with a functioning brain!

Hahahahaahahahahahaahaha - who’s this then? Sideshow Bob’s sister in a pink frock? What a clip - and what a refained accent - right - her name’s ‘Chelsee’ is it, no surprises there!
Gasp - there’s a surprise here, though!   I was going to call the new pro ‘Pash-ionless’, but he’s actually quite attractive in a one-dimensional Mills and Boon sort of way - and he certainly managed to get a very reasonable performance out of Princess Bubblegum - but hairdressing are going to have to do something to tame that hair - it was simply jarringly common, darlings!

Ah, it’s Pop Goodman’s turn to be the baddie - yawn - get on, get on, get on!

Eggwina and Mio povero Vincente:-
I’m sick to death of the feeble ‘egg’ and ‘curry’ jokes already - but I bet I’m not nearly as thick ath mio inamorato Vinthente mutht be of trying to make a thilk purthe out of thith old thow’th ear! That thcarlet frock ith hurting my eyeth - and making her look like Whithler’s Mother after a night on the tileth. App-all-ing! Il mio povero ragazzo piccolo del bambino, il mio cuore è rotto per voi!

And … at last … the fell Dell’Oylio and The Berk ….

Blimey - I won’t lie to you, amici, I was hoping for a laugh but this was beyond my wildest dreams! Having rehearsed with her all week, whatever led the Berk to imagine that she could manage comedy and props - and a feather boa!
I know I’m not as young as I was, but I’ve always prided myself on the integrity and tone of my pelvic floor muscles - only - for those few joyous moments when I thought that the Berk was going to become fatally entangled with the feather boa and take a purler which would floor the pair of them, I screamed with helpless laughter which was so abandoned and uncontrollable I woke the hubba from a light doze on the garden bench and came very close to wetting my knickers!   
T’joodges were all curiously subdued and very careful in their choice of words for their critiques, apart from Pop Goodman who apparently can’t tell a chaise longue from a settee - it was as if they feared that an ill-judged word from them might light the blue touchpaper and cause dell’Oylio to erupt into a cadenza of Krakatoa-like fury.
As it was she was borne off, looking as stricken as Tosca just before she hurled herself off the top of the Castel St’Angelo, supported by the Berk wearing the grave expression of a man who realises that his, admittedly, faint hope of winning the 2011 Glitterball has just died.

I think we’d better observe a couple of minutes silence now -    pray - right, everybody okay - good - let’s crash on with …

Jason Dreamcoat and The Slav Strumpet:-
Another one-hit wonder who owes it all to a duet with tiny Kylie and always looks to me as if he’s just unexpectedly sat on something very sharp. Yes - very good - I especially enjoyed the part where he pretended to strangle her - I’m not surprised Mrs. Dreamcoat looked so tight-lipped in the still photograph - I wouldn't want the hubba dancing with the strumpet who is another one whose lascivious wrigglings make me wish I could remove my brain and bleach it! Right on cue, just as she hurls one leg over his shoulder and flings herself backwards as a finale, the highest voltage of the night zaps through the seats and the audience rise like rocketing pheasants and shriek like banshees.

Is that it then? Thank the Lord - but - how the hell am I going to cope with next week’s extravaganza when all of the blighters are on the same show? I'll ask Russell - yes - he forsees very short - perhaps only one word - critiques!

PS: Note to any non-Italians who might have been affected by the tragic, crushed expression on dell’Oylio’s face - I’m inured to it - since childhood I’ve seen my mother, aunt and Nana carry on in the exact same way from just having failed to get an appointment at the hairdressers!

I myself, I hasten to add, even though in full possession of the temperamental genes, am always objectve, calm and even-tempered!

(Correction by 'The Hubba') No, she bliddy isn't!

Edited by Aida - 02 Oct 2011 at 08:59

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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Bren View Drop Down
Vintage Vamp
Vintage Vamp
Private Dancer

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Oct 2011 at 23:54
PMSL excellent ~Aida
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Force Ten View Drop Down

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  Quote Force Ten Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Oct 2011 at 08:22
Brilliant, as always.  Thank you nod
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Rampant Rabbit Fan
Rampant Rabbit Fan

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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Oct 2011 at 23:41
Cheers Aida, Strictly just wouldn't be the same without you, the Hubba and your mischevious moggies.  Champion Big%20smile
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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Tups View Drop Down
The Queen Of Tarts

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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Oct 2011 at 20:42
Brilliant once again Aida.. just watched Dancing with the Stars.. wonder what you'd make of that??? lol
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