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Friday Frolics, September 30th

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Friday Frolics, September 30th
    Posted: 01 Oct 2011 at 01:35
Sorry - change of plan - I'd forgotten how looooooong the write-ups for the first shows are and since I don't think two will 'fit' the word limit, I'm doing them separately!


Well, possums, it’s that time of year again - the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness is upon us, the autumn leaves are turning, a chill in the air heralds the first frosts - hang on, hang on - no it doesn’t - the sun is splitting the trees here, and the only mists around the Pyramid are steam from the neighbours trying to extinguish their barbecue before a careless spark sets fire to their tinder-dry herbaceous borders!

We didn’t get invited to the barbecue - there’s been a bit of coolness since Solomon and Orlando followed me and wrecked a Christmas Hamper party I was dragooned into attending by the female half of the sketch last March.   
Unfortunately, although the hubba and me remained aloof and sipped cooling drinks on our terrace, the cats, scorning formal invitations, went to the barbie anyway. I knew they were there when I heard a female voice I didn’t recognise cry, “Oh, what a beautiful Siamese cat - and look at the shine on the black one!”, followed by a kerfuffle, a crash, screams, and a voice I know only too well bellowing, “Gerrof them chops, you little sod! Christ Almighty - the other ’uns got the sausages! ”

A long introduction to tonight’s jollities, I know - but I offer it by way of explanation as to why I wasn’t at my post when the orchestra (band!) struck up that corny old intro and the whole gaudy fiasco sprang to life once more - I was still in the garden with the hubba, steadying the ladder while he tried coaxing Solomon to abandon his last sausage and come down from his position of power half-way up one of the birch trees.

Consequently, when I finally slumped, exhausted on to the sofa, shoved the chop-sated Orlando aside and switched the telly on, I was confronted by ….

Jolly Holly Valance and Comrade Teethski:-
Oh, Crikey - he’s at it again - another round of ‘guess the dance’ which is hiding among all of the silly disco and ‘show’ stuff! By a process of elimination and reasoning that the first dances are usually the waltz and the char char char - I plumped for the char - and was instantly rewarded by seeing two or three steps which might well have been that very dance! Jolly Holly had clearly rejected the services of the Strictly hairdressers and done her hair herself and Teeth ski (just like last year) was banking on the open gold lame top and the flashing rows of teeth to divert attention from the fact that he’s using the self-same choreography (I use the term loosely) as he did last year.
Oddly, the audience, who seemed somewhat reserved, managed to stay firmly in their seats and failed to scream, shout and clap like seals begging for fish … hmmm … a mystery!

T’joodges - well, no changes there apart from Alesha’s got some new hair irons, Bruno’s been at the Chianti, Craig’s channelling Tin-Tin and Pop Goodman is beginning the series as he begins every series, grinning like a Hallowe’en lantern. To nobody’s surprise, they thought Jolly Holly and Teethski were wonderful - good for them - I thought she was as stiff as an old crutch and he’s still a whirling dervish. Next!

No such luck - I’d forgotten they always run jauntily to Tactless Tess’s eyrie - blimey - that frock’s a fright even by Vermin’s standards. He’s mastered two sleeves at last, but he must have made a mess of the back as he’s tacked on a sort of square cape - Note to TT:- nobody suits that shade of puce, dear - and where’s the sacred belt?

Groan - Pop Forsyth’s still as funny as an open grave - but the old blister doesn’t give up, even in the face of faint and muted audience response, does he?

Who’s next?

Dan Somebodytall and the Kanadian Kat:-
That poor lass works for her money - judging by the rehearsal footage it must be like dancing with a statue dressed by (for those old enough to remember) Man at C&A!
Oh no - they’ve got the bliddy arch from last year - and they’re off, and I think it’s a waltz but apart from him being hopeless at it, he’s wearing the facial expression of a man about to mount the gallows the second the dance is over. He did set one new record for me, though, I never thought I’d see anyone sweatier than Farmer Matt last year - but this fella was - maybe the Strictly paramedics should keep a litre of normal saline run through in case he needs urgent IV fluid replacement?

Oh, come on, come on - let’s have somebody good or really, really funny! Yes! Never doubt the power of prayer - here come …

One-hit Lulu and Brenda(n)
I bet she thought that was such a clever introduction, listing all of her talents - actually, it just made you sound like a ‘Jill of all trades’ , dear! D’you know, I was quite pleased when I heard this autumn’s hot fashion shades were plums, purples and aubergines - until, for the second time tonight, it was proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that they have the capacity to make a blonde look like a corpse.
And - off we go - and immediately, Lulu forgets where she is and starts to do the dance she’s been doing ever since she had her one hit - continuing to hurl herself around like a demented go-go dancer despite Brenda(n)’s valiant attempts to reinstate the dance he’d taught her. I laughed so much I was nearly sick! The hubba was convulsed too until he heard the unmistakable sounds of Orlando being sick in the kitchen - I hope that chop he pinched wasn’t ‘off’!

Cut to audience for a second - Dr. Brian May ( a real doctor with a real doctorate) looks pissed off , poor sod!

Hooray, it’s …
Audrey Harrison and Tina Sparkle:-
Oh, go on, Audrey - punch Pop Forysth on the point of the jaw and watch all of his facial bones crumble to dust!
Ah well, maybe next week - in the meantime, let’s see what the splendid Tina Sparkle has dragged out of the Big Fella! He looks pretty damn gorgeous in his tails - and - hey, he isn’t bad at all at the waltzing - light on his feet and looking powerful enough to carry Tina several miles to the nearest hospital if she was to turn her ankle! She’s a professional through and through, isn’t she - I’d have pretended to turn my ankle on the first fleckerl just for an Audley ‘carry’!
I don’t care what t’joodges say - and I know I’m biased, but I love him and I’d love him even more if he punched Craig!   Hoy - Goodman - butt out! I bliddy said that first and the hubba is my witness!

Wild Robbie and Ooh-la-la:-
Speaking of gorgeous - here he comes- Ooh seems very, very taken with him, doesn’t she? Teehee! She never disappoints - she’s been doing that tired old routine where her partner plays the part of the pole and she squirms and undulates around him since pussy was a kitten - this time around she just happened to get a very attractive ‘pole’ and was so entranced with herself and him I think she forgot to unzip his hoodie and reveal the full splendour of the newly-waxed chest. The former werewolf must have been jubilant at their low score and hoping fervently that the GBP see the muscular, flashing-toothed blonde himbo off as soon as possible.

Angie Watts and the Kwik-fit fitter:-
Dear me - he must have had a big job on - probably fitting a clutch - and only made it to the studio in time to Swarfega his hands seeing as he had to dance in his boiler-suit! Victor Sylvester, always the doyen of ballroom ‘dapper’ must have been spinning like a top. Apparently it was the most wonderful dance of the night - I couldn’t possibly say - already half way through my fourth G&T, I was weeping with laughter because the hubba (also on his fourth) had remarked mock-wonderingly, “It’s like a sort of surreal outtake from ’Gorillas in the Mist’!”

Finally, we have ….
Bouncing Russell and Fast Flavia:-
Well, I don’t think Botticelli would have been calling for his painting gear - and Fast Flav’s smile was so fixed it was like a rictus, but Russell (and the gin) proved too much for me and the hubba so we got up and danced along with him, mimicking the steps and the facial expressions. It was hysterical - ri-di-cu-lous - and the best laugh of the night - especially when the producer spotted that one of his assistants had forgotten to switch on the electricity supply to the audience seats and sent such a surge of voltage through, the audience leaped from their seats in unison, screaming in shock and clapping their hands furiously to stop the tingling.

Phew - I’m shattered - I’ll try for a more ’sober’ report tomorrow - promise!      

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Oct 2011 at 10:34
LOL Great review of the night Aida!!
I still shop at C & A  by the way (they do tall and skinny for my teenage daughter- Dutch are much taller nation of course )and sadly i still buy 'Jessica' myself!
 
Russell was very entertaining i agree, had to re-watch him!
Very funny , am looking forward to your review of tonights offering, especially The Berk , and Nancy of the Chaise longue!!
 
Gorrilla's in the mist!! LOL
 


Edited by deborah31 - 01 Oct 2011 at 10:39
Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Oct 2011 at 11:03
Hooray! Aida's on sparkling form Big%20smile

Loving the "gorrilla's in the mist" too Deborah - too funny. And yes, I thought Robin was wearing some kind of boiler suit too, at first!  Bizarre Confused


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  Quote anniemay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Oct 2011 at 11:37
What a treat for Saturday morning, reading Aida`s hilarious blog on SCD. 
 If Anton and (pass the sick bag) Nancy are as boring and as dreadful as I fear,  I can`t wait to hear your views. 
 
Thanks again Aida
 
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Oct 2011 at 12:46
oh Aida this is a classic you had me laughing out loudf
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Oct 2011 at 18:01
oh Aida.. I was really down these past couple of days and didn't even watch Strictly live!..let alone look for your blog..
anwat.. Bren told me to watch it and read your blog.. and you've put the smile back on my face and made me laugh out loud about Russel, fast flavia and you and the hubba dancing away.. wiping tears o laughter away now.. tonite's Strictly just started and vermin's back to the one sleeve wonder.. Aida gonna have a field day with this......
Thank you for the massive cheer up Aida x .. and Bren.. you too Hun xx

Edited by Tups - 01 Oct 2011 at 18:02
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Oct 2011 at 23:55
Thank you all soooo much for the great comments, encouragement and support - it's much appreciated!

So glad you changed your mind, Tups!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Tango Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Oct 2011 at 11:57
Yay, back and on fantastic form as ever. Keep up the great work Aida.
 My monday mornings at work are brighter as i look forward to sneaking a peek at your blogs nod
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