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The Launch ....

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: The Launch ....
    Posted: 11 Sep 2011 at 01:20
Oh, what a circus, Oh what a show - who are this motley crew of cabaret dancers gambolling around to horrid, jangling music - of course - silly me - it’s the ’professionals’ - it was all the extra ’hair’ on show which fooled me for a moment!

Oh blimey, here he comes - SurrBruce sporting a new syrup and grinning like a demented Cheshire cat - and aaaaarrrggghhhh - my eyes! What the f*ck is Tactless almost wearing?
Vermin must have worn sunglasses to cut down the glare while he was ‘creating’ it - unfortunately he must have run it up before the latest couple of inches was added to the Daley boobs - hence the failure to quite cover up the whole boob. Hmmmmm - a mistake or a deliberate ploy?
Yawn - ‘it’s going to be the best series ever’ - well, Pop Forysthe says so and Pop Goodman, doing the usual Halloween lantern grinning, agrees - Bruno’s very excited and barely containing himself as he prepares for his first momentous cadenza, Alesha looks as smug as only a woman who’s already one up in the dress, makeup and hair stakes can manage, and Craig’s wearing his usual bored expression.

Come on, come on - wheel them out, Pop, and hurry it up - yes - here come the first three victims to be paired up!

Robbie Savage - and - Ooo la la.
Well, Ooo looks very happy indeed - and who could blame her! He looks like a sort of Hollywood version of a Norse god with the flowing blonde locks, gleaming teeth and rippling muscles - what a time for poor old former-Wolverine to be losing his hair! She needs to watch her shins, though, Robbie was a demon when he played football!

Dan Lobb - and - The Kanadian Kat
Dan Who? Never heard of the blighter, and, having seen him, wouldn’t recognise him if he ran up and bit me - looks and sounds like one of this year’s premier contenders for the Olympic Boring Team!

Harry Judd - and - the Orange Peril
May God have mercy on his soul, whoever he is! I hoped she’d disappeared back to wherever she came from - she hasn’t - rats!

Jason Donovan - and - the Russian Strumpet
Well, I know who he is, more’s the pity - and while I’ve never really cared for him, I did feel a momentary pang of pity when the strumpet leapt at him, squeaking excitedly, and he seemed in two minds whether to catch her in mid-leap or bolt and not stop running until he got to Heathrow! No wonder Calzaghe looked like a haunted man when the cameraman spitefully sought him out.

Audley Harrison - and - Tina Sparkle
Well, I don’t think he has a cat in Hell’s chance of winning, but having said that - mmmmrrrowwl - that’s a whole lot of man to get hold of and tame! If anyone can do it, Tina will - although the producers seem quite determined that she’ll never win the gaudy Glitterball.

Rory Bremner - and - Eternal Erin.
He could give that Dan bloke a run for his money in the boring stakes - and although she used to be quite a favourite of mine, I’ve never really forgiven her for persuading the divine Colin Jackson to do the puppet-dance!

Russell Grant - and - Fast Flavia
Hahahahahahahahaha - not going to be running off with this one, are you, dear? I quite like little Russell but with the best will in the world, he’s not going to be around long! Of course, being an astrologer, he’ll already know that!

Chelsee Healey - and - Pasha SomethingskI
I assume he’s the replacement for that appalling kid who couldn’t dance last year - but who the hell is she? I suspect she’s from Liverpool because she begins every sentence with ‘Erm ..”, but why, in God’s name, did she borrow one of Barbara Windsor’s wigs and team it with a blue sparkly bathing cossie? And why is she grinning like a lunatic? Has she had her jaw wired?

Anita Dobson - and - the Kwik-fit fitter
Poor old Dr. Brian May sitting in the audience trying to look pleased - don’t worry, dear, you won’t have to turn up for long and you might get a couple of free tires and an oil-change!

Lulu - Brenda(n) Cole
Another laugh out loud moment - I know, I know - it was probably rehearsed, but if it hadn’t been for the Botox, I suspect her chin would have hit the floor in horror. Brenda(n) didn’t look too thrilled either, but tried to snatch back his I-am-all-man machismo from Savage Robbie and Big Audrey by carrying off his disappointed partner before she could start screaming and threatening to quit, then sprinting up to the Eagle’s Nest.

Alex Jones - Jordan
Never heard of her - don’t care if I never hear of her again - how many more of these identical ‘lollipop-head’ women do the BBC have in storage? Crikey, Jordan’s looking a bit old and ordinary, isn’t he?

Holly Valance - Comrade Teethski
This year’s winners, folks - the Poor Man’s Shakira and Comrade Teethski - he looks as if he’s had a few extra molars squeezed in along with the annual bleaching - and he still has a flat head!

Nancy del Oliveoyl - The Berk
Hahahahaahhaahahahahaahahahahaha - quick, hubba - pass my Ventolin before I laugh myself into a bronchospasm. Who did you think you were going to get, you simple strega?

Eggwina Curry - My Poor Vinthent
Crikey - all joking aside, Nancy and Vinthent have a good case to threaten management with a ‘Strictly Unfair to Italians’ lawsuit. I’m dithappointed, though - ath much ath I laughed at Nanthy’s fathe dropping at the prothpect of being thiffed with The Berk, I really love my lickle Vinthent!

The group melee wasn’t as much of a stampede as usual, mostly because it was so simple even I could have done it with ten minutes rehearsal - but the fell Nancy del OliveOyl still managed to almost knock The Berk to the floor in the final move.

And there we have it - gaudy, full of horrible music and no proper dances and not a single bottle of champagne smashed!

According to SurrBruce, the joodges and Tactless - the competitors are all ‘hot’ enough to melt the polar ice-cap. That’s as may be - I just checked my trusty Victor Sylvester ‘Introduction to Ballroom Dancing’ - and being ‘hot’ was not a prerequisite to dancing success - Victor must be fleckerl-ing in his grave!

PS: I don’t believe that was really Dolly Parton - or if it was, a lot of the original Dolly was left behind on the operating-theatre floor!   Maybe all the ‘guests’ this year will be ‘sort of look-alikes’ miming?

See y’all in three weeks time - Oh, curses - did Tactless just say it was on for two consecutive nights?   I hope me tenosynovitis has cleared up by then!



Edited by Aida - 11 Sep 2011 at 01:26

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Sep 2011 at 01:29
haha Aida Viewing SCD would not be the same without your blog
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Sep 2011 at 08:14
Welcome back Aida, it's been too long!  Clap
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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  Quote Eviesmum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Sep 2011 at 09:40
haha :)
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Sep 2011 at 16:49
welcome back Aida.. wouldn't be the same without you
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Sep 2011 at 17:17
Russell Grant - and - Fast Flavia
Hahahahahahahahaha - not going to be running off with this one, are you, dear? I quite like little Russell but with the best will in the world, he’s not going to be around long! Of course, being an astrologer, he’ll already know that!
 
 
LOLvery funny 9all of the above), it does look as tho someone has it in for the Italians tho doesn't it
Poor Nancy Del-uded- 0 !  (she's in her own world and enjoying it there it seems)
I think I'm gonna enjoy the comedy of Anton for the first time!! (she doesn't look good does she??)
I do like Russell tho, but he's not gonna win.

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  Quote littlesue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Sep 2011 at 19:48
I have a feeling Russell will be this years Anne or John Seargent, he will play up to the camera's  as the 'jolly queen' and  probably be voted in until the last 4, hopefully I'm wrong but the viewing audience seem to want more of an entertainment show as opposed to a dancing show.
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  Quote anniemay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Sep 2011 at 20:22
Thanks Aida, it is great to read your description of what takes place again.
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Sep 2011 at 00:31
Originally posted by littlesue

I have a feeling Russell will be this years Anne or John Seargent, he will play up to the camera's  as the 'jolly queen' and  probably be voted in until the last 4, hopefully I'm wrong but the viewing audience seem to want more of an entertainment show as opposed to a dancing show.


Yeah I think he's in for a while yet. I've sort of made my peace with the show. I understand that it's entertainment at the cost of dancing that is important to the Beeb, so fair do's, if they want to have a comedy act then I'll go with it.  Anyway, I always quite liked Russell Grant's gentle but larger than life personality and he speaks positively about the experience, saying he wants to do it to lose weight. He might even inspire some to take up dancing which is OK by me.
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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  Quote terrip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Sep 2011 at 06:55
Brilliant stuff Aida.  Welcome back!!
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  Quote Ginger Rogers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 2011 at 23:35
So good to see you back in action Aida. Brilliant as usual
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