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Gwyneth Paltrow to be an X Factor judge?

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    Posted: 13 May 2011 at 10:57

Gwyneth Paltrow to be an X Factor judge? I couldn't handle it, says Polly Hudson

by Polly Hudson, Daily Mirror 13/05/2011


Gwyneth Paltrow

Right, that’s it. ­Everywhere I look at the moment, whichever way I turn, there she is.

She’s inescapable and omnipresent. It’s a miracle she wasn’t sitting on the sofa next to bin Laden watching TV in that photo released from his hideout. 

GWYNUFF ALREADY. Not least because she’s breaking the rules. I know Gwyneth Paltrow annoys me, so I make sure I never see any Gwyneth Paltrow films.

But now she’s started pursuing every possible career option apart from being in films, and plumbing.

Gwyn’s writing cookery books, she’s sending insipid email newsletterslectures, she’s singing. And she’s going on all programmes currently televised in every country of the world to bang on about it. 

The book – brace yourselves – Delicious, Easy Recipes Celebrating Family & Togetherness, is nothing if not full of standard recipes widely available from many other sources. It does have one truly unique thing about it, but unfortunately that’s loads of photos of Gwyneth Paltrow.

Then there’s the singing, a pursuit which Gwyn’s taken to like a duck to water-skiing.

She keeps contaminating Glee, where last week she had the audacity to sing an Adele song. I left the room in protest, to no protest from those left in the room (it was almost like they weren’t enjoying listening to me shrieking HOW DARE SHE over and over again).

She of the lank, miserable hair and husband also ruined Chelsea Lately (my life role model/the funniest woman alive Chelsea Handler’s talkshow) by appearing on it. Worse still, she called her dead nan a four-letter word even more offensive than Goop – Pot! Kettle! Black! – in a very obviously rehearsed, ooh-look-at-me-being-risque way that made me embarrassed to be alive.

The last strand of Gwyn’s new schtick is that she’s really chuffed with her body now, which is probably as big a relief to you as it isto me.

She gives the credit (loudly and often) to personal trainer Tracy Anderson, whose diet plan was described as “anorexia in pamphlet form” by the ­Principal Dietician at St George’s Hospital, London. Oh well, at least her ­judgment’s better than her acting... Oh God. Hang on a minute. Maybe by cooking Gwyneth’s trying to show that she’s nurturing, with Goop that she’s wise, and she probably sees her attempts at singing as musical experience…

I tell you now, if she’s announced as a new judge on our X Factor it won’t just be the room I’ll be leaving…

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