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It's Christmaaaaaaaaaasss!

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: It's Christmaaaaaaaaaasss!
    Posted: 26 Dec 2010 at 11:51
I had to record and watch the show this morning as we had guests who were supposed to be staying until tomorrow, but thanks to the efforts of my wonderful, adorable cats who have selflessly spent the whole night in mithering the life out of them, are leaving today - hollow-eyed from lack of sleep - after lunch!

Sometimes, my love for my furries passeth all understanding - special thanks go to dear little Solomon who stalked the hubba's annoying friend so relentlessly and in such a faux-affectionate manner, that the poor sod ended up having to pretend that he'd enjoyed Solly sleeping on his head in the manner of a Russian hat!

More thanks are due to the intrepid Orlando, who, clearly feeling that he'd been rather lax in the gift-giving stakes yesterday, abandoned playing with his new catnip cigar, crinkly tunnel and jingle-ball and popped out for a quick wee this morning, returning at 6:30 a.m. to triumphantly present the female half of the sketch with a large, half-dead blackbird.

It was her screams which woke us and caused the hubba to spring from the marital bed like an arthritic gazelle, donning his new dressing-gown and racing downstairs, almost immediately racing back up to grab my childrens' fishing net which I keep for just this eventuality, then racing back to save the day.

Me? Oh, I stayed in my lovely warm bed - they're not my friends and I never invited them - and besides, someone had to be there to gather in and comfort poor Orlando who was the picture of wounded indignation that his 'gift' had been received in such a hostile manner!

Never mind - all's well that ends well - they're packing and Orli's sitting by me as I write my last blog of 2010, purring like an outboard motor and full to the brim of smoked salmon which I sneaked him by way of a reward. The darling, sweet, generous, little furry love!

Speaking of 'darling loves', I was incandescent with delight when the show kicked off and Il Divino appeared in his checked pajama bottoms and sparkly top - his 'jamas match mine - we could be 'jama twins! I'm sure I have a sparkly top somewhere which would fit the bill so that we could match perfectly - we'd look fabulous, 'cos I'm blonde too! God, he's gorgeous - and such a beautiful dancer - how I've missed him!

I think there were other people dancing, but I didn't really notice them! Oh rats - he's gone!

Never mind, he'll be back - on we go - and here come the Old Fossil and Tactless Tess who was obviously torn between choosing which frock she wanted to wear and had ordered Vermin to stitch two of them together.

Oh right - we're all pretending it's Christmas Day, are we? Go on, then - seeing as I'm full of seasonal good cheer - and first up it's ....

Captain Jack and The Russian Strumpet:-
I'm one of the few who adore Barrowman - I know, I know - he's loud, he's 'up himself' yadda yadda yadda - but I love him! If he were to host the show, I'd be very reluctant to stop watching it even though there's not much left I like! They did a quickstep - with what looked like a bit of American Smooth thrown in - and it was wonderful! And Calzaghe needn't even worry, since John's openly gay, it's unlikely that the strumpet will run off with him!

Oh, look - the electrified seats are working a treat, hurling the shrieking mob to their feet right on cue.

Forsyth is yammering on about something - the old bustard's clearly lost his marbles - maybe the powers-that-be sent an electric shock through his earpiece to remind him to introduce t'joodges - so he did. Len's doing his beaming, Hallowe'en lantern face, Alesha looks pale and beautiful but has forgotten to apply her lipstick, Bruno's impishly pissed and Craig's just Craig!

Who's next?

Ronnie Somebody and The Berk:-
Well, I think it was very modern and enlightened of SCD to invite a drag artiste to dance in the Christmas show - and as usual, The Berk plays up his partner-role shamelessly. They did a lot of faffing and a bit of Viennese Whirling - Ronnie was right - it was a bit of a 'biscuit'! Rotten! Next!

Erin and Vince 'The Students' friend' Cable :-
Hmmmmm - I wonder if he's regretted doing this in view of the past week in politics? We'll see by the newspaper reviews tomorrow - although I suspect that only 'The Scum' has readers dumb enough to believe that after the week from Hell old 'Dracula' Cable would be foolish enough to be tripping the light fantastic in such a carefree way on Christmas Day!
Erin wore the usual glorious gown for their quickstep - and it was okay - I've seen much worse - I just can hardly believe I'm seeing it at all and have a mental picture of Cameron seething, Clegg weeping and Ed Voldemort rapidly scribbling down 'jokes' to hurl at the Coalition during next Prime Minister's question time.

Moving swiftly on - Oh - be still my beating heart, it's ....

Il Divino and the Gastric Band :-
I make no apology to all those who love old 'jolly hockey sticks' - I can't stand her - but never mind, I adore Matthew and he looked scorchio in his tight, sparkly shirt and tight pants - so much so that I almost forgot how I hate the jive - Oh no, it's over all too quickly and I feel a bit dizzy now!

How many more of these blighter are there? Oh right - this is the last cupple and it's ...

Lickle Vinthent and June Brown :-

Hells Bellth! He lookth like Norman Bateth (from 'Thyco') danthing with hith mother! Actually, that'th not being very fair - giving the old girl her due (and abandoning Vithent-thpeak for the moment) she acted it brilliantly and was remarkably elegant for a lady her age! She was ten thousand times better a dancer than Tugboat Annie Widdecombe,and ten thousand times sharper and more witty than Old Methuselah - probably because she's in possession of that rare quality - a personality! All power to her!

And so the long evening (morning?) wears on and we come to the guest artistes - d'you know, I wish that , just once, we could get to watch the guests perform without some bliddy cupple of so-called professionals gyrating around - especially when said 'professionals' are The Russian Strumpet and The Kwikfit fitter!

To nobody's surprise, Captain Jack wins - who, clearly tiring of waiting for Pop Forysth to shuffle over to him, awards himself the trophy which Pop snatches back with quite unnecessary violence and re-awards as the voltage is increased to 'Near Fatal' levels and the audience hysteria reaches a climax.

To close the show, all of the horrors from the current series (sans Tugboat Annie) take to the floor and jig about, the 'champion' - Tedious Tointon - adopting a grin so wide she appears to have no eyes whatsoever. As they jig, they are joined by t'joodges, most notably Craig Revile-Horrid who appears to be doing the can-can and whose 'darncing' doesn't come anywhere near matching his acerbic wit!

And that's it - that's all, folks! Despite disliking the series, I've loved writing for you and I promise to give serious thought to doing it all over again in 2011!

Happy New Year from all of us at 'The Pyramid'!

Edited by Aida - 26 Dec 2010 at 11:56

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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deborah31 View Drop Down

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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Dec 2010 at 18:04
very funny Aida!!!!
Loved the cats disposing of your guests!! LOL
My cat was really put out as had 5 extra family guests,  had to rearrange bedrooms, -so he didn't get a look in (usually sleeps under or on daughters bed, but parent' s in law had that room)so had to rough it and bunk down on  bunk beds  with my daughter and son! - neither had space to sleep. He did bring in several field mice ,and managed to bite the father-in-law!,(his way of demanding treats)  but when he's usually bringing in rabbits, dead mice hardly noticable, and not as messy or scream-worthy as a half dead bird!!.
See you here next year, when John Barrowman is hosting!!!! fingers crossed (also hopefully Tess will retire with him) and Barrowman can have a new sidekick,- less tactless, LOL-
She did for once tho, look half decent, nice frock, and the hairdressers it seems was openLOL
Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Dec 2010 at 21:35

Thoroughly enjoyed your blog again Aida.. gonna miss the goings on at the pyramid!

Wishing you a very happy healthy New Year xx
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jan 2011 at 08:23
Just popped in to say a massive (and belated) thank you Aida, for continuing to blog the series and the finale.  Your musings often had me in stitches and snorting coffee out of my nose.  I really do hope you will be here for the next series
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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