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The Lost Weekend - semi-final

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Aida View Drop Down
Penis FlyTrap
Penis FlyTrap

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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: The Lost Weekend - semi-final
    Posted: 11 Dec 2010 at 19:10

I can just imagine the clowns at the production meeting which cooked tonight’s nonsense up, but I just can’t imagine WHY anyone bought it as a good idea. The only thing to say in its favour is that after a harrowing week in Weatherfield coupled with an equally harrowing week of emulating Good King Wenceslas and forging his way through the snow to get to work in Newcastle, the hubba offered no arguments about watching SCD as he was rapt in the arms of Morpheus in his armchair, snoring sterterously and covered in a blanket of sleeping cats.

Ah well, on with the motley - and I know I’m not in t’mood when I feel my hackles rise at the first sight of Pop Forsyth titupping across the teeny stage - Lord, how I wish he’d trip, headbutt Tactless as he fell to the floor, and render the pair of them unconscious.
Tactless is wearing a nearly-decent frock - what a pity Vermin forgot about Friday’s show, thought the frock was for Saturday and didn’t leave himself enough time to finish off the hem! She’s dripping with diamante by way of distracting me from the hem, but the Shadow doesn’t miss detail!

Yadda, yadda, yadda - yip, yip, yip - if they keep this up, I’ll soon join the hubba in Dreamland, I’ve already yawned so widely you’d have thought I was trying to turn my face inside out!

Oh, something’s stirring - and it’s …
Beeb 2nd favourites Pammie and Jordan (male):-
Before I start ripping into them, I saw a telly ad the other day which claimed that old Connelly is ‘Britain’s favourite comedian’ - erm - is he - not in my world, advertisers - presumably the world they’re talking about is the Planet Zog - and the sooner Billy and Pam go back there the better, as far as I’m concerned.
I can’t stand Jordan, or his choreography and her thundering and stamping around like a baby elephant running amok doesn’t add up to a great dance for me - and surprisingly, the lunatic audience stay rooted in their seats at its conclusion! Has someone forgotten to switch the seats on? Undeterred, the joodges leap into their (pre-prepared) rapturous comments, and Pammie goes into her ’humble and overwhelmed by kindness’ shtick!      Gaaarrggggh! Next!

The Ex-Eastender (aka ‘Borella‘) and Comrade Flatheadski:-
Beeb 1st favourites. The attempted ’angst’ training footage does nothing to convince me that they aren’t a pair of dancing robots - Ka-ra and R-tem! Well, they’ve managed to get him into evening dress - probably at gunpoint, but by the time the dance is over he might have found a way to rip off his shirt and jacket. Borella is wearing what could be a beautiful gown if not for the tacky bright turquoise ribbons - and off they go! Hello? I thought they were supposed to be doing a Viennese Whirl - when are they going to start - Oh, I see - as always, they’re doing the basic ’ballroom faffing intro’ bit they’ve been doing since week one so - yes - here they come, the few steps of the actual dance they’re supposed to be doing before launching into ‘basic ballroom closing moves’. I didn’t know lifts, no matter how minimal, were allowed in the Viennese Whirl, but only Craig remembers the former rule to the fury of Pop Goodman who casts poisonous glowers at him , then the rest of t’joodges emulate Bruno and have spectacular, praise-gushing cadenzas of their own - no surprises there, eh! And also to nobody’s surprise, gormless Tactless T tries to get them to admit to shagging on national telly. Yawn!

In other news, the electrified seats are now working and BBC minions are probably trying to calm the audience by threatening them with CS gas and tasers before the next cupple dance. To give them time, the old dodderer stutteringly cracks a joke about his age - which was wasted on me, as I thought he was already 95!

Poor Gav and the Kanadian Kat:-
Doomed, whatever they do - and double-doomed because they’ve copped for the sarmba which t’joodges never like and which, after all of these seasons, I’m still not sure what they’re actually looking for.   Lovely sarmba dress on the Kat, great music, quite bouncy dance, but quite frankly if Ronaldhino ( a native Brazilian) had come out disguised as Gav and danced the kind of scintillating sarmba he often performs with the corner flag after scoring a particularly magnificent goal, he’d still have been given crap marks!

Hot Scott and Tina Sparkle:-
Also doomed and stiffed with the Argentine tango which t’joodges know sod all about. God help them! I’m torn, of course, because when Scott goes, I go too and I’ve hated this entire series - on the other hand, and accepting that there have been weeks when he’s looked exhausted/post-viral, I honestly think that he and Natalie have faithfully stuck to the tenets of proper dancing throughout the series and I want proper dancing to prevail.   Never mind - I loved the costumes, the music and the dance, I loved the ’film noir’ feel, the hint of danger and the implied sensuality - but apart from Bruno, t’joodges reverted to Arlene-mindset and wanted more overt ‘sex’ ! *Sigh* It must be our Italian blood -Viva Italia!

Farmer Matt (or El Sweato) and The Red Peril
Beeb 3rd favourites
I just noticed that Baker has a pointed head, as opposed to R-tem’s flat one! I can’t see him being terribly successful on ‘The One Show’ - he’s like Mogadon, two minutes of him droning on in the training footage has my head drooping and my eyelids getting more and more heavy. If an immense pre-supper cat-fight hadn’t erupted on the hubba‘s chest and caused him to rise like a rocketing pheasant, scattering occasional tables and scrapping cats hither and thither, this blog would have finished here!
Ahem - sooooooo, to underline Matt’s determination to win, he’s cleared his diary - it would serve him right if he ended up having a lot of free time on his hands next week, but it’s not going to happen. Even though he and the useless bint do their usual gymnastics plus sleazy writhing and wriggling with little to no salsa content, and t’joodges give them such ‘harsh’ comments that he looks as if he’s going to burst into tears while being interrogated by Tactless, I know in my bones that they’ll make it up to him in the Yawn-a-thon.

And now, with only minutes left until the end of the show, it’s time for said Yawn-a-thon - and it’s - lousy - and the hubba, awake now and refreshed by his slumbers and an invigorating tussle to extract Solomon from the Christmas tree, makes me laugh like a drain by closing his eyes and (correctly), twenty seconds into the dance, reeling off the order in which the cupples will be eliminated.

Wot a load of bollox! And there’s even more to write about tomorrow - and I’ll be forced to watch the results show because I love ‘Take That’ - but I won‘t be writing that up!

Back again, maybe for the last time! (Yippee!)

Da-da-dadada- shuffle shuffle shuffle - awkward lift of leg - yes, that’s definitely them - the Twin Scourges of Strictly! Tactless is wearing a lovely Vermin creation in blue polyester - what did the daft so-and-so say - ‘Take That’ are on tonight - hooray, I needn’t watch the Results show at all!

Crikey - is it fancy-dress tonight?

First to the slaughter …. Oh no - it’s …

Hot Scott and Tina Sparkle:-
Judging by the loony outfits, this must be a Charleston - well, it’s not going to be a take on ‘An Officer and Gentleman’, is it? I loved it from start to finish, possibly because I love Scott and Natalie, but the praise from t’joodges, although gushing, seemed a bit faint and they’re obviously saving the 10’s for their proper favourites.
Is Alesha cold? She seems to be clutching a slanket to herself.

Time to relax, joodges - here come your proper favourites …

Ka-ra and R-tem - Oh, God - it’s the rooomba - the dance of ‘lurve’! What luck! They can do their usual writhing a bit slower and get praised to the skies - oh why did they have to use a Santana tune that I like - and why is she wearing a sheet - I bet that gets ripped off soon -- wrong, Aida, it’s still in place at the end unlike the loonies in the audience who have shot out of their seats, shrieking like banshees and the loonies on the panel, who (apart from Craig), are beside themselves and tripping over their words to outdo each other in gushing. Oh, just give them the frigging Glitterball and we can all get on with t’Christmas preparations.

What’s Pop Forsyth up to? Is he trying to crack the CBeebies market?

El Sweato and The Red Scourge:-
Haha - he looks like a pantomime murderer - yes, yes, wonderful and complete with stupid lifts and the usual rolling the floor at the end! Lousy! The loonies are screaming louder than ever, the Beeb must have increased the voltage. And here we go with t’joodges making up for almost causing him to cry last night, by praising him to the skies - and no doubt, here come the 10’s. Yes, well apart from Craig and Bruno, bless them. Farmer Matt will have to be sedated if he fails to go through - but he will! *Sob* Arriverderci, Scotty, I’m going to miss you!

Oh, Gavin, my pet - do me just one teeny favour after you dance? Bust Pop Forsyth in the jaw!

Welsh Gav and the Kanadian Kat:-
He looks lovely, and she’s wearing another sheet - what’s going on - did wardrobe forget the costumes and have to make do with bedding? I’ve seen smoother whirls, sadly, but really, in his shoes, would you bother to try much? Oh, look - Len and Craig are squabbling! It’s been a while since we had a joodges’ argument and the Kat’s joining in too - hmmmm - right, they’re being kind but this all sounds like ‘farewell praise’ to me! Poor Gav, the only way he’ll get a Glitterball is if he buys himself one from eBay! Let’s hope Len’s ‘9’ protects him from getting punched out by an irate rugby star in the post-show party.

And here they come - note to Pop F - they’re not bliddy popular with me!

Did Old Father Goodman just say ‘Billy’s going to be in the next series if Pammie wins”? Right - that’s it settled, I’m definitely not watching it, even if Johnny Depp promises to come to my house every week and watch with me!

Pammie Simper and the Jordan (male):-
Hmmm - wardrobe have shredded her sheet - looks ridiculous! Hated it, not that it matters what I think, it’s been obvious since 9:05 p.m. last night who is staying and who is going home. ‘Thang yew, thang yew so much!” Where’s the vomiting icon?
Yawn - bring on the 10’s - we know now Pammie is going to win so that Connelly takes part next year to provide the comedy element - how transparent and ludicrous!

I’m hungry, cold and I need a drink - shall I waste a quid on Scott? Nah, what’s the bliddy point!

Aww, here are my lovely boys to cheer me up - isn’t Gary an angel to take his ‘Care in the Community’ for Robbie so seriously? Wild horses must have been holding Fast Flavia backstage to stop her rushing on to ‘dance’ and try to cop off with one of them! Miaow!

And on that note - farewell until later ….

Edited by Aida - 11 Dec 2010 at 23:52

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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Tups View Drop Down
The Queen Of Tarts

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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2010 at 20:51
Aida, I'm in a foul mood.Angry. love Strictly but have just suffered almost 2 hours of Xfactor which is total unaulterated crap! Censored
Thank god for you an your blog.. and although you insult my poor Artem week after week I forgive you.. because your blog as usual is the highlight of my night and you entertain me.. I can feel the dark cloud lifting.. thank you  nod
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anniemay View Drop Down

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  Quote anniemay Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2010 at 21:01
Thank you Aida, a wonderful description as usual,  I`ve had one ear on the xfactor and been bored to death, so your blog cheered me up no end.
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Bren View Drop Down
Vintage Vamp
Vintage Vamp
Private Dancer

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Dec 2010 at 21:29
you cheered me up no end Aida
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