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November 27th - Orange Week!

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: November 27th - Orange Week!
    Posted: 27 Nov 2010 at 20:01
This report comes to you from the snowy wastes of County Durham - eight inches of snow so far and another 10inches promised (threatened) for tonight/tomorrow! There’s no way that the less-than-intrepid delivery lad from the Chinese will battle his way through the drifts, so we’re having pasta and meatballs instead - well, we humans are, but not those blighter cats who broke into their treats tin last night and stuffed themselves to the point of throwing up all over the house, and, because of the catastrophic effects on their digestive systems, have spent almost all day racing, bug-eyed, between the four strategically-placed litter trays.

Me and the hubba are soooo shattered and fed-up with clearing, cleaning and replenishing trays, it was a struggle to raise a weak laugh as Pop Forysth shuffled out, seemed to trip and then imitated a tom-cat scratching up cat-litter and preparing to pee - or worse!   

Tactless is wearing two sleeves - not a Vermin creation then - although I don’t know - it’s tacky enough to be one of his and looks like a cerise polyester sheet wound around her and pinned at the waist!

Anyway, the cats are on boiled chicken and are all sleeping the sleep of the exhausted, so we’re all set, drinks in hand, to suffer the weekly fiasco! The two main clowns have taken centre stage, the electrified seats are working and the audience are whipped up to the brink of hysteria and even shrieking with laughter at the old duffer’s ‘jokes’ before he manages to stutter to the punch-line and a fortune seems to have been shelled out on Fake Bake.

Oh blimey - here they come …

The ex-Eastender and Comrade Teethandhatski:-
Ho hum - it’s their turn for the sob story - a broken neck and tonsillitis - give him the George Cross!   They really shouldn’t have let Kara narrate the piece - she’s soooo boring that if she were in a crowded cinema and shouted ‘Run for your lives! The place is on fire!”, everyone would burn to death as they’d have stopped listening to her after the first two words.   Right - I hate the jive and the fact that she was wearing a char-char-char/salsa ‘dress’ confused me a bit - not that they ever actually do the dance they’re supposed to. Haven’t they done this dance before - I remember that horrid hat and sparkly braces!
Aaargh, Alesha said ‘journey’! Bad girl, very bad girl! Three ‘9’s for that crap? Bad, biased, eejit joodges!

Tugboat Annie and The Berk:-
From browsing around t’Internet and laughing bitterly in disbelief at the idiotic articles in the Daily Heil, I see this deluded, piss-taking woman is being promoted as being ‘entertaining’ - surely there’s a case there for involving Ofcom.
She’s not ‘hilarious’, she’s not entertaining, but I’ll be pleased in a bitter sort of way if she does get her way and bliddy win it - because then I’ll NEVER HAVE TO WATCH THIS NOW-GHASTLY SHOW AGAIN!
Did that old chuff Goodman just take my name in vain? He definitely said ‘Aida’ - I might sue!
What a pail of sick - fookin’ awful! Next!

The Serial Bride and Viktor Krum:-
Another ‘injury’ - how sad, eh?
She looks lovely, as per, drat her - I love the AT and I actually liked this version a lot better than the gymnastic, over-sexed rubbish we had from Teethski and the Bore last week. It’ll be a disgrace if they’re this week’s sacrifice to Tugboat Annie!
Gosh, that’s a beautiful dress Alesha’s wearing.

A Movie-Theme Week? Oh, for fook’s sake!

Hot Scott and Tina Sparkle:-
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, Methuselah!
I love the American Smooth done properly - and, although he does look tired, this dance looked ‘done properly’ to me whatever bliddy picky Craig and his cohorts have to say. Gorgeous dress, La Sparkle was wonderful from the first step to the last, not least in her steely determination to steer him back on track - all the while wearing a wonderful, fixed smile.
Rotten marks, although not from Alesha and Bruno who seem to have been at the Chianti again!

Welsh Gav and the Kanadian Kat:-
I’m with Gav - I hate this dance too, but I enjoyed it twenty thousand times more than Tugboat Annie‘s effort! I think they’re doomed, more’s the pity!

Farmer Matt and The Red Peril:-
How sickeningly wholesome is he? It seems such a pity he can’t team up with Kara and represent England in ‘Olympic Boring’ - they’d sweep the board!
Howling with laughter - are Wardrobe taking the piss? Where does her head end and his shirt begin? There seem an awful lot of ballet poses in it and he has the facial expression of a regretful mass-murderer - Oh, maybe it’s just me - he bores me to tears and I hate her choreography! All ‘10’s no doubt - Oh, maybe not!

Pammie and Jordan:-
Hahahahahahaha - I wonder if she bought those graduation caps and gowns from the same place as she bought her doctorate? Miaow! And we’re off - she looks - and dances - like an orange half-wit - and has mastered the open-gob technique! Bliddy awful - was it choreographed by the Keystone Kops?
Oh, God help us - 10's! How did I manage to forget that it’s their turn to be the favourites!



















Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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deborah31 View Drop Down
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Nov 2010 at 20:24
Originally posted by Aida

Farmer Matt and The Red Peril:-
How sickeningly wholesome is he? It seems such a pity he can’t team up with Kara and represent England in ‘Olympic Boring’ - they’d sweep the board!
 
Sadly i think this could be true, they are boring........so rules them out of the winning the glitter ball trophy.
 
Hope the cats recover, mine just brought in a field mouse, from god know's where in this weather, He's been going stir-crazy in the house, as he hates the cold, used to a min temp of 30C.!!  Have trained him tho now, to put them in his food dish!!
Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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Bren View Drop Down
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 2010 at 12:13
LOL 

I swear your write up better than the show !!! Teethandhatski:Clap
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 2010 at 18:05
<brushes snow off best Sunday frock>.. oi you two... leave my Artem alone!!!!
Aida.. only another couple of weeks to go.. please God Ann goes soon.. how on earth is she still in there?????.. excellent write up again Aida!
Tis bloomin cold in me fishnets tonite!!!! brrrrrr!!!!

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Stanmore Witch View Drop Down
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  Quote Stanmore Witch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 2010 at 18:06
Aida, brilliant as always but Widders joke has gone too far, she seriously needs to go ASAP. The thought of her winning is horrifying. Lets start a campaign to get rid of her next week.
A lady of leisure and more besides . . . .
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