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Remembrance Saturday

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Aida View Drop Down
Penis FlyTrap
Penis FlyTrap

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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Remembrance Saturday
    Posted: 14 Nov 2010 at 01:28
Sorry the blog’s a little late - I felt too tired earlier - but it’s a new day, so here we go!

It got off to a bad start tonight - I almost went ballistic when I switched on at the appointed time and one of the Grand Pricks blokes was spouting off about Abbadabba and I feared a repeat performance of last year when three dull blokes stood around in the rain in Brazil yipping on about cars for half an hour.

Just as I was about to pre-empt Bruno to the first cadenza of the evening, the old familiar muzak struck up and the gaudy set, all flashing lights in primary colours, loomed large.

It was enough to set off a seizure - in fact I actually thought that Pop Forsyth was fitting when he came stumbling out of the wings and started to stagger arthritically towards Tactless who was resplendent in a new frock from Top Shop with two sleeves - well - two clumps of feathers - and a wide, dimwitted smile.

The dimwitted smile didn’t slip by as much as a centimetre while the old loony was taking the piss out of Northern accents - if I had a ticket for next week’s extravaganza at the Tower Ballroom, I’d take a bag of rotten tomatoes and pelt the two of them.

And it seems that taking the piss is to be tonight’s theme as here come …

Pammie and Jordan:-
Why are they pretending to be Scottish in the training footage - couldn’t they please just stop trying to be ‘wonderful’ and get on with the bliddy dance!
Oh - this *is* the bliddy dance! They’re both wearing suits and a part of me hopes wickedly that Jordan’s arrogance has led him to lose all sense of reason and echo the notorious puppet-dance which cost poor dear Colin Jackson the glitter-ball.
Rats - they’re not! After a tedious, faffy opening, Madam strips off the suit and hat to reveal a tawdry costume and a curly hairpiece and they do a tedious faffy dance - the char char char, allegedly. Jordan very uppity during Craig Revile-Horrid’s summary of their performance - this would have been a good point, in keeping with Pammie’s new found Scottishness, for Connelly to run on and give Jordan a Glasgow kiss!

The Destiny’s Child and Brenda(n):-
Rotten music, lousy frock - she looked like one of those doll things my Nana used to have to cover spare loo-rolls - how is anyone supposed to take a paso seriously to this music? The joodges far too kind - I think Alesha’s being soooo sweet and nice to Michelle in the hope that she might get herself a gig with Beyonce and the backing singers!

The Serial Bride and Viktor Krum:-
Pretty gown in a beautiful shade of pink - and wardrobe’ve finally managed to coax him into wearing clothes - they probably used a tazer. They’re doing the Viennese Whirl - well - they’ll eventually do the VW when they stop floating around - and they did, for around fifteen seconds - then they did a sort of ‘Gay Gordons’ bit and more floating around - but never mind - the joodges loved it! Are they all drunk tonight? It’s usually just Bruno and Alesha who‘ve had a snifter or two!

Welsh Gav and the Kanadian Kat:-
Eeeek! Well, that’s a novel way to start a dance - with a kiss for Bruno! He’ll probably never be the same again. Flushed with success, well, flushed, Gav made quite a good attempt at the quickstep until the Kat inadvertently hit him with a low tackle which made him spring backwards like a French Apache dancer. For a second it seemed he might lose his temper and drop-kick her into the audience, but he overcame the temptation and bravely danced on! I loved it and thought he was a hoot this week!

Oh God help us - here they come …

Old Mother Widdy and the Berk:-
They did a proper dance - it was as dull as ditchwater. Next!

The Ex-Eastender and Comrade Teethski
She appears to be wearing a purple condom, split into two halves - and even in the dim ‘mood’ lighting, his teeth gleam malevolently. They’re doing a sort of Hollywood musical version of an Argentine tango - wonderful, I’m sure, but not at all to my taste - I like something a bit slower and sensual rather than showy and lascivious so the best part of this for me was the appearance by the Chuckle Brothers in the training- footage! I wonder if they were auditioning as subs-bench joodges?

Flith and Vinthent:
The thaltha? Wath it really? Okay then, but ath much ath I love Vinthent, it wath a bit of a curate’th egg. I thympathithed with Flith - I’m not very tall either and I know what it ith to have thort armth! The joodgeth don’t like them either, do they - damned with faint praithe!

Farmer Matt and The Red Peril:-
Cavorting around in the rooomba - it just makes me want to scream with laughter when I read stuff about this pair having ’chemistry’ - he’s soooooooo blidddddy booooring and wholesome and she looks like a trollop in a sleazy club about to fleece a country bumpkin on his first trip to the big city. I know I’m no dance expert, but her choreography makes my skin crawl and I yearn to be able to remove my brain and pop it on a hot wash to get rid of the memories.

At last …
Hot Scott and Tina Sparkle:-
Oh right - a prop. I hate props and I hate the ji - my God, this is wonderful!!! I never thought I’d see the day I’d actually want to go to Youtube and watch a jive again and again - perfect interpretation of the music and a fizzy enough dance to make me leap up and join in! Hooray - and thank you, Scott and Natalie - you drove my bad mood clean away!

No cats tonight - they’re all in disgrace for crimes too numerous to mention - no Chinese either as Barcelona kicked off at 9pm and we’d timed our paella for then! Orlando et al send their grateful thanks to Scott and Natalie who cheered Mamma up so much that the furries were allowed to join us for supper and pinch as many bits of chicken, prawns and mussels from our plates as they could manage while we watched our wonderful Catalans coast to a 3-1 victory!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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Bren View Drop Down
Vintage Vamp
Vintage Vamp
Private Dancer

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Nov 2010 at 01:37
She appears to be wearing a purple condom, split into two halves - and even in the dim ‘mood’ lighting, his teeth gleam malevolently.

priceless aida,you cheer up my Saturdays
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Tups View Drop Down
The Queen Of Tarts

Joined: 12 Dec 2007
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Nov 2010 at 14:58
oh Aida.. Comrade Teethski!!!!!.. pml!!!!.. how can I sit drooling over him now when every time I see him.. I'll think of THAT name!!!
Apart from dissing my beautiful Artem .. for which I'll forgive you.. you are spot on again!!!.soooo funny.. so glad you do this for us.. by the way.. the laptop I use is missing certain letters.. I have house rabbits who are as naughty as your cats..and just as clever at getting our food.. or belongings.. so apologise for my typos!
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killersbee View Drop Down
Royal Blue
Royal Blue

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  Quote killersbee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Nov 2010 at 19:24
Spot on Aida, I really despise Anton...
Catwoman: "For one if I was a bloke, I would not flirt with you two. I have standards."
Toots: "If I had a figure like Ola's, I'd wear that outfit to Sainsburys!"
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  Quote Rumbarebel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Nov 2010 at 11:15
A fantastic summary as usual Aida. Was it just me or was Matt's rumba awful? Aliona manages to look like an insincere whore in every dance she does - I feel sorry for the lad.
Why do Ann & Anton do "serious" ballroom? It wasn't funny, it wasn't entertaining and it was as bad as those curtains Tess wore - made even worse by her using two set squares instead of shoulder pads hopefully by accident.
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