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Bonfire Night, part deux

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Bonfire Night, part deux
    Posted: 06 Nov 2010 at 23:55
Well, it wasn’t raining in Brazil this year so the Grand Pricks nonsense finished on time, and the small crowd of assorted baying strikers outside of the Beeb didn’t prevent the SCD Juggernaut rolling on regardless.

I’m bravely writing this blog, with a head cold, from what sounds like a busy night on the outskirts of a war zone - the four cats who get along, for whom many expensive preparations were made to ensure that their nerves would remain unshattered by the bangs and flashes, are lined up like a bus queue on our bedroom windowsill, enjoying the fireworks. The Moggle Miranda, who hates the others and now resides in her own ensuite apartment in what used to be my dining-room/the hubba’s bookroom, is snuggled up asleep in her furry tub, sustained by a gargantuan dinner.

As the music kicked off, I was the sole (reluctant) viewer, the hubba being busy upstairs selecting the clothes and toiletries he’s taking with him on his forthcoming annual visit to his parents, the Twin Scourges of Wiltshire! I don’t care, I have the Kleenex and a drink within reach, and I’ll just have to try to laugh on my own.

And we’re off - and it’s ‘Poppy’ night again and every one of the blighters is sporting a poppy pinned precariously to their costumes - even Tactless, radiant in a puce polyester sheet and the sacred belt, who has done her level best to hide her poppy amongst a fold in the sheet and her hair extensions.

First up:-
The Eastender and The Russian:-
Crikey - what a crashing bore she is - and he’s forgotten to put his shirt on. I’m now convinced his teeth are false. I hate the salsa - it doesn’t look like a proper dance to me - the joodges, predictably, love it - Bruno launching into a premature cadenza while they all gush with praise and fail to mention the many lifts and bliddy cartwheels. Yes, wonderful - get on, get on, get on!

Pammie and The Jordan (male):-
The usual faffing about - the little bit of the dance they did looked ropey to me, but they get drowned in praise as well. I wonder if Pammie’s planning to get a book out of this? Who cares? I wouldn’t give it houseroom even if Johnny Depp offered to come and read it to me!

Vinthent and Flith: -
Heaventh! I nearly fainted when the band thtruck up with Carmen’s ‘Habanera’! Bizet mutht be rotating in hith grave, but at leatht it wath proper muthic and a proper patho - and little Vinthent got hith chetht out for good meathure! I loved it - I don’t give a thit what the joodgeth thought!

Aaarrghhh - isn’t that Skeletor, the Gaily-painted twig in the audience? I sincerely hope she isn’t going to dance!

Mystery Jim and Fast Flav:-
He looks great and in character, she looks ridiculous - I love the quickstep, Jimmy seems a nice bloke and he tries, but I can’t stick her at any price, unlike Bruno who seems to have been at the hospitality bar before the show started.

My head’s now ringing from the screeching of the audience, the bawling and shouting between the judges, and the apparent arrival of some kid in the street with a bazooka and a plentiful supply of ammunition. The hubba reappears clutching three shirts which he claims are missing buttons - I rattle the ice in my empty glass and point him toward the sewing-box and the phone, reminding him acidly that I’m famished and if the shouting-bloke at the Chinese is incapable of writing down a spoken order correctly, he’s hardly going to respond to telepathy.

This provokes a short, savage argument which ends with the hubba snapping that watching Strictly without Il Divino has made me so bitter that he knows lemons which are jealous of me. I strive to keep an angry face, but fail not to laugh, especially when, as he's thumbing his nose at me, a deafening report from the kid with the bazooka makes him leap like an arthritic springbok and trip over the senior Siamese.

Returning my attention to the screen, it’s …

Farmer Matt and The Red Peril:-
Reasonable frock - if all of the silver stuff was ripped off it - but with the hair and make-up on her, she could look cheap if she was dressed by Chanel. Oh look - they’ve got an arbour and a swing - yawn - and they’re doing the Viennese Whirl - I wonder how she can ruin that? Easy - taking ages to get into hold and almost rolling the floors. The joodges are ecstatic, the farmer’s very sweaty, I’m very, very bored.

And here they come - it’s Panto time!

The Old Stoat and The Berk:-
Let’s see - English is a beautiful language, full of delightful words to enable the writer to explore every nuance of description - so I'll choose these two - bliddy ludicrous! Next!

The Destiny’s Child and Brenda(n)
Hmmm - it seems she can’t sing either. Frightful frock which would have been okay without all the tawdry ‘gold’ lace which makes it look like the kind of ‘Princess’ frock you’d buy for a kid from Tesco.   Note to wardrobe: Less is more. Note to Brenda(n) - give it up, son, she’s hopeless.

The Serial Bride and Viktor Krum.
Char char char, my @rse - she’s very pretty though, damn her, or maybe she just looks even prettier next to Mr. Potato Head! More gush from t’joodges.

Hot Scott and Tina Sparkle:-
Well, it looked fine to me as rumba’s go - is there some conspiracy to get rid of him and leave the field clear for Farmer Matt and Pammie? Who knows - but the joodges certainly damned him with faint praise and even fainter marks.

Welsh Gav and the Kanadian Kat:-
Strange outfits - I hate the char x 3, with or without the addition of a rugby ball. Apparently, he’s improving - whatever!

At last - time for a ‘Lem-sip’, followed by a stiff congratulatory G&T for getting through it without:-
a) Bursting into tears.
b) Throwing things at the telly
c) Successfully managing to mute out every word uttered by Pop Forsyth, who, incidentally, looks as if he’s been embalmed in HD.

See y’all next week - keeeeep bitchin’!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2010 at 00:52
English is a beautiful language, full of delightful words to enable the writer to explore every nuance of description - so I'll choose these two - bliddy ludicrous! Next!


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  Quote BCfan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2010 at 01:51
Aida I refuse to watch SCD but I always make a point of reading your review each week. Priceless!! Thank you!
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2010 at 16:15
Aida.. love love love you!!.. still imagining the cats all lined up watching the fireworks.. my poor dog had hysterics!
Apart from picking on my beloved totally agree with you.. I do love your blog.. apart from Artem.. it makes sitting through Strictly worthwhile.. thank you Kiss
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  Quote killersbee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2010 at 16:31
Spot on about Widders, Aida.
Catwoman: "For one if I was a bloke, I would not flirt with you two. I have standards."
Toots: "If I had a figure like Ola's, I'd wear that outfit to Sainsburys!"
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  Quote Stanmorewitch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2010 at 17:19
LOLBrilliant again Aida--I just love your take on it all.
SleepyI'm now bored with Widders spending most of her dance on the floor and  the sight of Gavin Hensons chest--what did Charlotte Church ever see in him--he's wooden physically, emotionally and intellectually. What is wrong with the public keeping these two in and throwing out Jimi Mistry, at least he dances.
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  Quote weathervanestory.com Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2010 at 23:58
I only watch bits of this show and I had been under the impression that it was about the best dancers staying in each week.  I was obviously wrong but good entertainment anyway.
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  Quote Catwoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Nov 2010 at 04:05
It is a dance competion and the best dancers should remain in not the "attwmpted comedy people",  I tell ya the Berk needs to go.  So does Gavin.
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Nov 2010 at 09:29
Originally posted by weathervanestory.com

I only watch bits of this show and I had been under the impression that it was about the best dancers staying in each week.  I was obviously wrong but good entertainment anyway.


Originally posted by Catwoman

It is a dance competion and the best dancers should remain in not the "attwmpted comedy people", I tell ya the Berk needs to go. So does Gavin.


You seem to be in the wrong place - the forum for posting comments regarding the show is below the blog!

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  Quote Tango Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Nov 2010 at 11:09
Fantastic review once again Aida. I love your avatar - fab!
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  Quote Catwoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Nov 2010 at 18:29
Sorry Aida nod
 
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