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Week One, Saturday

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Week One, Saturday
    Posted: 03 Oct 2010 at 00:55
Week One, Saturday

Right - another strange start-time to confuse the poor cats - if Strictly keep this up I shall have to complain to the Cats Protection League! I *tried* to have a drink, but I didn’t fancy it - I wanted a cuppa tea and a biccie - and a cuppa tea and a biccie are of no earthly use to fuel a vituperative blog! Sorry! I’ll do me best!

The opening credits were enlivened by the hubba arriving, exhausted, from mowing the lawn in what he fondly hopes will be the ‘last cut’ of the year, and hurling himself down in his chair having failed to see the red-point Siamese, Leo, who was nestled, sleeping sweetly, on a fluffy cushion the exact same colour as he is.
The cat shrieked like a soul in torment, the hubba rose like a Harrier Jump Jet, trod heavily on the improving book he’d selected to sulkily read while Strictly was on, and executed a number of rapid, jerky hip movements along with windmilling of the arms in order to keep his balance. My quip, “Have you changed your mind, dahling - are you joining in?”, was met with a look which could have corroded concrete.

Never mind - here they come - Dumb and Dumber - it’s not the same with them sort of sidling on from the side of the stage, but from the look of that purple frock, Tactless appears to have made things up with Vermin and we’re right back to the one-shoulder look - thankfully, she seems to have lost the sacred belt, but there may be trouble at home again re: flashing her gusset at the audience when she cannoned into Methusaleh and nearly had the pair of them over!

The old dodderer continued to babble like a brook while all of the cupples came smirking down the (very short) staircase, most of the women wearing frightful frocks especially Pammie who raised my hopes for a second but then failed to take a purler.

Shut up, Forsyth - who’s first out?

Fast Flavia and Jimmy Mystery - I’ve never seen him before in my life, but he seems a decent enough bloke if not a very good dancer. Sweet of Fast Flav to remind us that it’s only 84 days to Christmas by wearing a selection of seasonal decorations by way of a costume. It seemed a bit of a Bollywood char x 3 to me, but at least it was short.

Good Heavens - has Pop Goodman got new teeth? I think we should be told - and - Oh, God - here he goes - ‘Yer come out ‘ere ….’ , even worse, Alesha’s doing it too - thank the Gods for Craig and Bruno’s objectivity - it’s clearly too early in the evening for them to have refreshed themselves with a mellowing drop of vino!

And now we have:-
Peter ‘Safe Hands’ Shilton and Survivor Boag - I know he once waved to me at Wembley, but I’ll never forgive him for that ‘Hand of God’ goal of Maradona’s - he should have punched the little blighter’s head off his shoulders!
Well, get *her*! The ‘only surviving female professional’ - and to think I actually used to like her! I still have to sort of grudgingly admire her for bringing her own beautiful gown rather than being at the mercy of the sadistic ‘humour’ of wardrobe, but I was secretly quite delighted when they set off and Shilts shuffled around self-consciously wearing the expression of a benign and bemused gorilla. You won’t ‘survive’ long this series, Erin-dear - enjoy it while you can!

Oooh - is that a stair-lift I spotted at the foot of the ladder to the Eagle’s Nest? Rats, it’s not, it’s just the lights!

A Destiny’s Child and Brenda(n)
I can’t stand this skriking bint already and she hasn’t danced a step - she’s certainly got some side on her for one of Beyonce’s backing singers. Oh, joy - she’s as stiff as a poker and can hardly stand up in those heels - she can’t do the char char char either so Brenda(n)’s thrown in a bit of disco and hair-dancing. She seems to have p*ssed off the judges too, apart from Alesha, who was so determinedly ‘nice’ and understanding she was probably rejoicing internally that nobody so far has been as good as she was!

And off they go to the Eagle’s Nest to be patronised by Tactless - I wish, just once, somebody would slap the spit out of her stupid mouth!

Maybe young Gavin, Charlotte’s ex, might be persuaded to do it? No, he actually seems like a sweet, shy boy and how lucky was he to get the Kanadian Kat, best of all of the newcomer women, who actually had the commonsense to wear a demure and beautiful gown and teach the lad a lovely, simple waltz he could do. Add faultless evening dress and appropriate music and some of the old Strictly magic returns for a moment or two. Pop Goodman loves all sportsmen, Alesha fancies him and so do Bruno and Craig! And me - I shall say no more, lest the Curse of Aida falls on them.

Who’s next - Oh my God, look at the clip of these two eejits! My sudden screaming peals of laughter woke the hubba from a light slumber, causing him to jerk upright and drop the (heavy) improving book he’d been pretending to read on his foot. It’s just not his night, although once he’d blinked the sleep from his eyes and got a good look at Tiny NoBrain prancing aimlessly around in the babydoll nightie and silver shorts and that ridiculous boy with all the teeth got up as Brad from The Rocky Horror Show or First Jerk in any given high-school movie, he laughed as heartily as me and suggested we celebrate with the first G&T of the evening.

We needed that drink - I’ve been dreading the advent of La Widdecombe and I wasn’t disappointed, although I will be if one of the Voldemort Brothers doesn’t sue Pop Forsyth for his ‘joke’ about them wanting to dance together. It was almost indescribable - actually, it *was* indescribable and at one point I felt sorry for the poor old boot tottering along behind The Berk like someone being guided to take their first walk after a hip replacement. ‘Atrocious’ doesn’t come close, but the saddest part of all is what a sick joke this programme has become - the bliddy audience should be shot, but if their reaction is anything to go by, she’ll be hirpling around until the Final.
Right - and finally - we have this year’s ex-Eastender and the bloke who we’re all supposed to swoon over. I don’t think so - he has a very funny-shaped head and horrible, Brillo-pad hair - and tattoos - and a silly costume - and his eyes are too close together. I never realised until now that the char x3 is a ‘street-dance’ - I’ve never claimed to be ‘down with da kids’! She looks tarty enough to be a current ‘professional dancer’ (Erin, Kat and Tina Sparkle excluded) . I hated it, just hated it - and this is what we get instead of Il Divino, is it! Gaaaarrrgggghhhhh!
The judges ‘loved’ them - I wish I did, then the Curse of Aida would definitely fall on them! And there was a LIFT in there which every one of the so-called ’judges’ failed to pick up!

Is it finished yet? No, here’s dear old Gary Barlow doing his Care in the Community bit and supervising Flaky Robbie who looks significantly calmer than he did the last time he was on telly. Well, I’d rather have seen ’Take That’ without Robbie, but let’s face it - it could have been worse - it could have been bliddy Westlife!

Whew! This has been a marathon and I daren’t even think about next week - I fear it’ll be significantly shorter and I’m already praying it’s on at the right time!




Edited by Aida - 03 Oct 2010 at 01:06

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Oct 2010 at 01:02
haha excellent Aida am in fits of laughter at your description of Artem
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Oct 2010 at 02:38
oops.. bang goes my theory that Artem may be your reserve beloved.. there's only the one "with the ears" left now.. oh dear!
Brilliant as usual Aida.. we have to watch next week.. Widders has promised to slaughter a salsa!Shocked
 
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Oct 2010 at 17:41
No, no! Heaven forfend!

The shaven-headed lip-licker looks like Viktor Krum wearing a pair of Mr Potato Head's spare ears - in fact, out of a collection of possibly the most unappealing men I've ever seen gathered under one roof, the only males worth a second glance are Phil from the Bill and young Gav!

Oh, Matthew, Matthew! How I miss you!

As for Widders - can you actually do the salsa to 'Nellie the Elephant!'?

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Oct 2010 at 21:23
Aida, Good to see you're back and reporting on the series again!!!
 
Can't agree with you on Gavin unfortunately.
He has the brawn, but not the brains!! it seems.(or personality!!Ouchfor that matter)
 
However does he manage at Rugby???Confused
 
(normally rugby players have the brains to go with the brawn, don't they? ?)
 
Think Patsy, and the Satellite ears man will go soon too!!!
(someone tell him they need pinning back....pleeeeeeeeeeeze)
Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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