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Week One, Friday

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Aida View Drop Down
Penis FlyTrap
Penis FlyTrap

Joined: 02 Dec 2005
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Week One, Friday
    Posted: 01 Oct 2010 at 23:36
So here we are again - at a ridiculous start time which means I’ll either have to type long into the night or forgo accompanying the hubba to the local flea-market - always a dangerous option as I need to be there to prevent him from buying what he terms ‘interesting antiques’ and I term ‘junk’. The cats are also upset - they know they’ve had their dinner and that it’s still an hour and a half to suppertime, but give them their due, they’re as conditioned as Pavlov’s dogs and the second the Strictly music struck up, they all rose, yawning and a bit disgruntled, from their chosen sleeping places and went to sit on the draining-board, awaiting the delivery of the Chinese Meal.

I’ve had a few G&T’s to get me in t’mood. They haven’t worked! The hubba is absolutely livid and has accused me of:-
1. Promising him that I wouldn’t be watching this series.
2. Being a traitor to Matthew Cutler
3. Being a traitor to his Lilia
4. Being a traitor to Ian Waite.

I hate it when he’s right!

Ah well - I’ll do my best!   Off we go with a new set which eclipses all previous garishness by a country mile - and - the first disappointment of the evening - no flight of steps so no hope at all of seeing either Pop Forysth or Tactless Tess going a purler while descending to the postage-stamp sized dance-floor.

I didn’t realise it was a fancy-dress edition until I saw Tactless got up as Charity Dingle from ‘Emmerdale’ - not that Charity would ever suffer to wear a frock which had sort of looping wings at the back - mind you, at least the lass is trying to abide by the new BBC cutting back on programme expenses rule - it’s amazing what you can get for a tenner in Leeds Market!

Oh look - the female dancers have followed her example - those who are (allegedly) doing Latin tonight have clearly been set a £3:50 ceiling on their costumes - and most of the ballroom dresses have that unmistakeable air of Primark about them!

What’s Pop F droning on about? Who cares? Who’s up first?

Vinthent and Felithty in a frock tho bright I’m glad I had the forethight to provide mythelf with a pair of thunglatheth. Hmmm - as regular readerth know, I hate the char char char, but I needn’t have worried becauthe they’re not actually doing one. I fear that Felithy’th cougar-woman act is going to get old quickly. Nexth!

Oh, rats, Pop’s introducing the ’judges’ - get on, get on, you doddering old bleeping bleep, you bleeping bleeper - what a bleep this old bleep is - Oh shut the bleep up, for bleep‘s sake!

Phil from the Bill ( I hate Eastenders) and Tina Sparkle.
I’m not going to let the fact that he’s bliddy gorgeous deter me from criticising him - but - Oh, how sweet of them - they’re giving us a lickle preview of all of the dances which will be forthcoming this season - a few steps of tango - bit of salsa - touch of rumba - neat little quickstep - what - they’re supposed to be doing the *waltz*? God help us all! And the eejit audience are on their feet and hollering!

Thankfully, at this point it dawns on the senior Siamese that no Chinese supper seems to be forthcoming so he crossly starts a fight with Solomon the Black Oriental which rages over all of the kitchen benches, scattering dinner plates, cutlery etc., before exploding into the living-room and continuing the fight by the simple expedient of energetic chasing each other and leaping from chair to sofa to my occasional table containing drink, ciggies, lighter, pen, notes, sunglasses and Ventolin inhaler.

By the time the hubba has driven them from the living-room and hurled a few curses and a selection of their heavier toys after them, the Three Stooges and Alesha have delivered their verdict and I manage to stop laughing and casually return my attention to the screen - finding myself suddenly clutching my hair and screaming out loud at the sight of Marilyn Monroe ski (wearing a silver bikini and a gaudy collection of rags) gyrating around something which looks as if it should be fighting Dr Who!
Once my palpitations settle somewhat, I have a quick look through my fingers at the ‘dance’ - and see that yet again, I’m safe from the char x3 and witnessing a very poor exhibition of disco-dancing.
Poor Bruno seems similarly affected and has his first major cadenza of the series, incorporating rolling eyes and arm gyrations into it - 8 out of 10 for Bruno, 10 if he can fix it so I never have to see either of those blighters ‘dance’ again!

Quick, get someone else on before I fall at the first hurdle - Oh-Oh - ‘tis the Serial Bride, Ms Kensit in a horrid pink frock dancing with a Kwik-fit fitter tastefully kitted out in a navy boiler suit and red cravat. A *waltz*? This? As Jim Royle might have put it, “Waltz, my @rse!” I’ve never seen the male half of the sketch stick his tongue out and lick his lips lasciviously during a waltz before and I hope I never see it again!
Ugh! *shudder*! Well, I suppose Patsy might get a new exhaust out of it - and we did get the funniest moment of the evening when Pop Goodman, Alesha and Bruno all gave them 6 - so we had 666 - the Number of the Beast - how apposite!

I don’t know how much more of this I can bear - but hark - there’s going to be a break from the ‘dancing’ (I use the term loosely) for a comedy sketch! Erm - no, scratch that, it’s not a comedy sketch at all, it’s another char char char - allegedly - performed by Blue Peter Man, a bloke so wholesome and clean-living it’s a wonder he doesn’t squeak when he walks. He’s resplendent in a costume borrowed from ’The Archers’ and The Red Peril seems to be got up as Poison Ivy from the Batman film - I’ve never seen a more ill-matched cupple in my life!
The judges loved it - hmmm - Blue Peter Man is a Beeb employee, isn’t he? I wonder who’s going to be ‘everyone’s favourite’ this year and get all of the favourable editing, all of the ’personality spots’ on that clown Winklepicker’s programme and a general ’push’ on every Beeb show from now until Christmas apart from Radio 4 news? Shall we try to guess, children?

Oh well, onwards and upwards - Pammie S and Mr Personality Jordan.
Pammie in Barbie pink and melting expression, Mr P Jordan in a suit presumably borrowed from Simon Cowell judging by the position of the trousers . A waltz. The judges thought it was ‘wonderful’! Good for them! I don’t like this cupple, did you guess?   Next!

Paul ‘Damien’ Daniels and The Other Jordan (wearing next to nowt and the determinedly happy expression of a woman who knows she drew the short straw)
Another ‘comedy’ sketch to begin with, followed by Daniels strolling casually around pulling silly faces at the audience while Jordan (female) did her celebrated pole-dance (as seen in ever series she’s been in). Can’t she do anything else? Oh yes, I forgot - she can do the bliddy Charleston!

I’ll have to stop now, or I’m going to rant! What a frightful shower, whatever happened to the dancing, how long can it be before Pop Goodman is sectioned under The Mental Health Act, have they had the foresight to keep a fully-stocked resus trolley and a charged defibrillator backstage in case Daniels or Forsyth suddenly keels over - and will they need a stair-lift or a block-and-tackle to winch Widdecombe up to the Eagle’s Nest to be interrogated by Tactless Tess tomorrow?

The only thing I really liked was seeing the fat bloke in the hat back in the band!

Cutler watch, Day 1 - not even a hint of My Beloved!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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Thess View Drop Down
Rampant Rabbit Fan
Rampant Rabbit Fan

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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Oct 2010 at 00:07
Originally posted by Aida

The Other Jordan (wearing next to nowt and the determinedly happy expression of a woman who knows she drew the short straw)

hee hee hee, glad you're back Aida!
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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Bren View Drop Down
Vintage Vamp
Vintage Vamp
Private Dancer

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Oct 2010 at 00:54
Thank you for suffering on our behalf Aida SCD would not be the same without you
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The Queen Of Tarts

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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Oct 2010 at 01:55
Aida.. brilliant as usual.. I must admit I watch Strictly now as I think you will see it.. as long as you're prepared to write your blog.. I'll watch it.. if necessary.. I shall start a collection to ensure the G & T's are plentiful.. just to get you through the series!
Thanks againnod
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Will Sell Body for Cash
Will Sell Body for Cash

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  Quote Toots Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Oct 2010 at 09:02
I thoroughly enjoyed the show, by far the best opening of all series. If I had a figure like Ola's, I'd wear that outfit to Sainsbury'sBig%20smile

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BambionIce View Drop Down
Penis FlyTrap
Penis FlyTrap

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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Oct 2010 at 10:39
If Ola wore that outfit to Sainsbury's there would be mayhem in the car park! 
Hilarious (and painfully accurate) as ever, Aida. 
I take it you haven't found a potential salvation in the series yet!
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Cuddlyhippo View Drop Down

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  Quote Cuddlyhippo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Oct 2010 at 21:01
thanks Aida... gave me a right chuckle Clap
I'm not a hippo but I like a cuddle every now and then
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