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Britain's got a lot of oddballs!

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deborah31 View Drop Down
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Britain's got a lot of oddballs!
    Posted: 08 June 2010 at 13:00

Worthy winners, yes...but Britain's got a lot of oddballs

Spectacular gymnastic troupe Spelbound flipped their way to victory in the final of Britain's Got Talent on Saturday night. The group had relied on their parents' financial support to keep them going to the final --and now they are hoping the determination will pay off.Sources at the show say showbiz offers are 'flooding in'. But there are doubts Spelbound can achieve the same success as previous winners of the show - leading many viewers to wonder if the talent pool is running dry. It is a view shared by our expert columnist...

Tonight, there could be a surprise in store, I've got a feeling,' declared Simon Cowell at the start of Saturday Britain's Got Talent final.

'This is the best and strongest line-up of talent we've ever had,' agreed fellow judge Amanda Holden. 'A night to be proud of Britain,' chimed Piers Morgan.

Alas, a more honest introduction would have been: 'Tune in for tonight's largely lacklustre line-up.....oh, and by the way, the result is a foregone conclusion'

Spelbound

Spelbound: 1 Abigail Ralph, 2 Nicholas Illingworth, 3 Adam McAssey, 4 Alex Uttley, 5 Adam Buckingham, 6 Douglas Fordyce, 7 Leighanne Cowler, 8 Jonathan Strainks, 9 Amy Mackenzie, 10 Katie Axten, 11 Lauren Kemp, 12 Edward  Upcott, 13 Hollianne Wood

The simple truth was, too many of the finalists just didn't deserve to be there. And though the best act won on the night, the evens-favourite Spellbound were technically superb but lacking much in the way of showbiz charisma.

More Vorsprung Durch Technik than Va-va-va-voom.

With their skimpy PVC costumes, perfectlyrippled torsos and plastinated hair they resembled the cloned product of some twisted genius desperate for world domination. But that's enough about Simon Cowell. 

Spelbound

Strongest act: Spelbound take the Britain's Got Talent crown

Yes, their routine took guts  -  at one point, catapulting a young gymnast over the heads of the judges (no mean achievement, given the size of Piers Morgan's ego)  -  but have they got staying power?

God knows, the rest of us certainly needed it. Two-and-a-half hours! A marathon of Cowell's botoxed brow struggling to form a frown, Holden's 'my-eyes-are-so-wide-open-I'm-going-to-fall-over' gaze and Morgan's practised ' sincerity' look.

And, of course, the small matter of ten of the nation's (allegedly) finest acts competing for £100,000 and a place in the next Royal Variety Performance.

In fact, throughout this series, there wasn't much evidence that Britain's Got Talent at all.

Rather, it was proof that Britain's Got Lots of Oddballs Down the Pub.

Performers with the sort of obscure aptitude that's hard to acquire but dull to watch for more than 30 seconds.

Earlier on in the auditions process, we'd been treated to an egg swallower, a woman who plays the teapot using a washing-up glove and a man with a floppy grey elephant's trunk fixed over his private parts.

Then there was the 'kindling king', a bloke with a trestle table and a big knife, who sang and, er, chopped wood.

And Kevin Cruise, a camp singer and dancer who performed next to a 6ft bubble-blowing model of a cruise ship and whose main achievement was to make Graham Norton seem butch. An excruciating BBC sitcom surely beckons.

During  previous BGT series, fruitcakes like these were brought in to provide fleeting comedy moments amid the high drama  -  and to give a sense of superiority to us couch potatoes at home.

Britains%20Got%20Talent


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1284575/Britains-Got-Talent-Spelbound-worthy-winners--lot-oddballs.html#ixzz0qGJRbHz1


Edited by deborah31 - 08 June 2010 at 13:01
Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 June 2010 at 13:03
contd.......

But this year, someone forgot to tell the judges and the voting public to weed out all the pub acts before the final.

Thus we had Twist and Pulse (who inexplicably came second on Saturday)  -  two cockney dancers, dressed as playing-card jokers, who performed comedy streetdance to snatches of the theme tunes from Scooby Doo and The Simpsons.

Then there was the impressionist. Paul Burlong has been a holiday camp entertainer for 25 years and looks like the Pontin's workhorse that he is.

Kevin%20Cruise

Fruitcake: Camp singer and dancer Kevin Cruise

When he began imitating Billy Connolly (at least, I think it was supposed to be him) we were transported back more than 30 years to ITV's last 'anyone can enter' talent show, New Faces. 

 

It would have been impolitic for Amanda Holden to make the comparison with the old programme  -  she'd hardly want to admit that BGT is Mickie Most with a shinier floor, some dry ice, and operatic music  -  but she gave the game away somewhat when she congratulated Burlong for the fact that there was 'no Frank Spencer' during his act.
Is that what it takes to impress the judges nowadays?

To forego the 'do a whoopsie' schtick?

The evening, more than anything else, was a celebration of the staying power of the British cliche industry. These days TV contestants  -  the 'real people', who conveniently don't ask for a fee  -  are so schooled in the language of the medium that they know what they're expected to say, how they're expected to say it and usually when to shed a tear (though mercifully there weren't many this time).

Twist%20and%20Pulse%20

Runners up: Twist and Pulse -two cockney dancers, dressed as playing-card jokers

Their script could have come from any one of Alan Sugar's '110-percenters' on The Apprentice or the pre-match interviews we're about to endure at the World Cup. Everyone is 'about to embark on the most important night' of his or her life... they 'know there are no second chances'... they're to 'go out there and give it their all'.

Alas, sometimes even that's not enough. The most poignant moment of the night was its biggest disaster. White-haired Scottish granny Janey Cutler, 81, was supposed to be this year's Susan Boyle.

But it didn't quite turn out like that. Singing an English translation of Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien  -  that managed to strip the song of all its mystique and grace  -  she performed virtually the whole song out of sync, a full phrase behind the backing track. Then ended the screeching performance on a painful flat note.

Janey%20Cutler

White-haired Scottish granny Janey Cutler, 81,singing an English translation of Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien - that managed to strip the song of all its mystique and grace

The judges, as one, treated her with uncharacteristic mercy. Cowell told her what a 'gutsy lady' she is and how well she'd done to catch up with where she should have been all along.

Even the meanest man on TV knows there are no points to be gained by being beastly to a sweet old lady trying her best.

There was another moment of mercy later in the show, when seven of the 10 contestants were told that they had not made it into the final.

Six obediently left the stage, resigned to their fate, but either confusion or defiance meant that Tina and her dancing dog Chandi did not budge.

'Tina, Tina. Just out the back, pet,' said Ant, ushering the poor woman towards the exit with the same tone of voice you'd use before putting your dog out last thing at night.

Earlier in the evening, Cowell had voiced concerns that Chandi  -  at one time, a hot favourite to win  -  was looking old and tired and that perhaps the kindest thing would be for the night to serve as the swansong of the mutt's career.

On the evidence of this series, one might say the same thing about Britain's Got Talent.




Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1284575/Britains-Got-Talent-Spelbound-worthy-winners--lot-oddballs.html#ixzz0qGKErirD
Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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  Quote Eviesmum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 June 2010 at 08:07
I can't believe those two boys pictured 8 and 12 aren't twins.  That's freaky 
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