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Ramblings from The Land of Men with Pointed Heads

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Aida View Drop Down
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Ramblings from The Land of Men with Pointed Heads
    Posted: 11 Jan 2010 at 09:51
Thanks for the encouragement for Friday's effort! Much appreciated!
I don't know how long I'll last at these ramblings as I've not got quite the same devotion to DOI as I have (had?) to SCD, but as long as I can find something to write about, I'll have a go!

I had to watch on my own last night, relegated to the spare room telly since the hubba laid his ears back and insisted on watching Barcelona -v- Tenerife in the company of most of the cats who have decided, to a Siamese, that they can't be doing with Shouty Schofield bawling the odds.

The Moggle, Miranda, is made of sterner stuff and joined me in reclining on the sofa bed, both of us tucked up in a fur throw in good time to catch the splendid opening tribute to the recent Take That 'Circus' tour - I bet that bare-chested bloke on the trapeze was frozen - frozen and somewhat apprehensive about returning to the ice in case 'Hairdressing' grabbed him and indulged their current craze for making every male (bar Schofield and Big Pavel) who appears on the show indistinguishable by shearing his hair to a point!   

And here they come - our hosts - Schofield already in full cry and Holly Android wearing her signature white nightie - is that outfit available from your range in the 'Very' catalogue, dear?

I did toy with the idea of muting the sound and putting on the subtitles during Shouty's opening tirade, but I couldn't see the icon on the telly buttons without my glasses and I was too comfy to get up and get them - and anyway, I'd already taken two prophylactic Paracetemol to ward off a potential headache.

And we're off - I don't know the cupples yet, so bear with me - first up is 'Sniffer' Westbrook and a new bloke with a pointed head demonstrating the usual pushing and pulling the celeb partner round like a shopping-trolley between lifts routine! Dull as ditchwater! Next!

Now we have Mrs. Effing Ramsay and another bloke with a bit less hair tortured into a small point - what's she doing here? I certainly don't know and neither by the terrified look on her face does she - surely she's faced worse things than being trundled around the ice and lifted into the air a few times - she married that oaf Ramsay, didn't she? Even duller than the first cupple, if that's possible.

Delilah Dingle and Duckling Dan - Dan's always had a pointed head and I liked Hayley on Emmerdale, so I was always going to like their routine - which sadly turned out to be good enough to annoy Jason Grinning-Skull and 'Baby' Bunting who had both plumped for somewhat strange neck attire which may/may not have been impeding their cerebral blood supply! The last time I saw a scarf like Jason's, a Jack Russell terrier was wearing it! As for The Bunton - avoid Butler and Wilson chokers in future, dear - to wear a choker that large you need a length of slender neck - it might have suited a giraffe but it didn't suit you and made you look like a mushroom. A rather spiteful mushroom, as it turned out - how a woman who spent her formative years gurning, grinning, miming and pretending to be about twelve years old had the audacity to say what she did beggars belief. As for The Skull, I think he's just consumed with jealousy that he hasn't got enough hair to have it shaved to a point!

Sharon the Swimmer and Pav the Defiant.
Look at that brave man! He kept his hair the way it's always been - but look how they repaid him! Sharon's a fine, strong-looking woman but she's going to have to learn quickly to play the 'wilting-flower' card and allow Pav to trundle and whirl her around or she'll be out on her @rse before you can say 'Arriverdici, Amazon!' I hope when she does go, she takes the time to punch the Grinning Skull in the mouth - he took the same sort of vindictive approach to Kelly Holmes when she was (briefly) in the show - he seems to be terrified of strong sportswomen - no surprises there then!

Next up, after more stomach-turning 'Tasty Teeth' and sofa ads - a Squealing Barbie Doll and Poor Fred. Dear me, as if the harsh haircut wasn't enough, Fred gets stiffed with this vapid article - he looked faintly pissed off in the training footage but just about managed to keep a professional smile pinned on his face as he wheeled and twirled the eejit around his head - surely it won't be long before she's back in the box with the rest of the toys!

Speaking of toys, here comes one of Simon Cowell's - with poor Andrei sporting rather thin tufts tortured to the ubiquitous point - and she's performing yet another Dr Dolittle routine (the 'Pushmepullyou' plus lifts) - and as an added attraction, this year's attempt to castrate Andrei on live television without the benefit of an anaesthetic! I think she'll last almost as long in this show as her 'pop' career did!

And at last - we have 'Eather and Evers! I hate his hair like that - I hate it more than anyone else's because he used to be sooooooo bliddy beautiful! I wish I could get my hands around the throat of whoever did that to him! Gaaaarrrggghhhhh!
I needed two puffs of Ventolin after that lickle outburst - the only comfort is that I won't have suffer whinging over the attempted uglification (it failed, he's still gorgeous) of My Ice Beloved for long because surely the GBP won't take to the plucky 'charity campaigner', even if she did prove herself just as adept as the other bimbos who relied on their partners to push and pull and lift them through their routines?

I didn't watch the results show - I'd had enough by then - the mindless shouting and endless ad breaks do my head in - the 'Tasty Teeth' ones in particular being so sickening it's all I can do not to throw up!

Pluses which might keep me coming back!
The Joodges - Karen Barber's defiant refusal to be 'made-over', Nicky Wotsit's increasingly crazed expression as the series goes on, the idiocy, rudeness and appalling fashion-sense of Jason Grinning Skull, the sheer pointlessness of Baby Bunting and the stunning lack of anything resembling a personality displayed by Robin Cousins - a trait he shares with T&D - fabulous skaters, nowt worthwhile to say!
Matt Evers
Waiting with bated breath for somebody to go a purler!
The smugness which I feel when I reflect that I'll never, ever vote for any of them!

Minuses which might make me decide to retreat to my comfort zone and wait for the next SCD!
The pro men's haircuts.
Horrible moments like that when The Ghastly Nolan loomed up out of nowhere along with that tosser Ben Shepherd.
Schofield shouting.
The half-witted audience screaming tirelessly from start to finish.

Anyway, "Ta-ta, Sinitta, good luck in sucking up to Cowell and getting your old job back!"
Might see the few of you who've found my 'secret ramblings' next week!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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James View Drop Down
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  Quote James Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2010 at 12:46
Thanks Aida, I enjoyed that.

It was good to see Fred looking mildly pissed off, he doesn't have any charisma but a whiff of personality is always welcome.

The half-witted audience screaming tirelessly from start to finish.

YES. Loondom kills me. A bit of perspective would be nice - not everything is 'amazing' and 'fab' and 'brilliant'.
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