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SCD Semi Final 12th Dec

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: SCD Semi Final 12th Dec
    Posted: 12 Dec 2009 at 22:16
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 00:42
Thanks, darlin'!

It’s been a strange old evening in the Pyramid, full of portents and forebodings from the very start. Having had a later dinner last week, which resulted in the pair of us being snappish and famished by half-time, we were sat down in front of t’telly at the very kick-off, steaming Chinese meal in front of us, glasses full and tinkling, cats banished to the hall, heating turned up to tropical temperatures at the hubba’s request.

That was the first clue to what was to transpire, amici - needless to say, I missed it, being too intent on scooping up bean sprouts and prawns while marvelling at the nerve of Tactless Tess turning up in a shocking-pink polyester sheet, hastily knotted around the neck and embellished with the sacred belt and a bit of dangling chain.
And here he is, the silly old chuffer, shuffling arthritically through a few dance steps of his own invention and yammer, yammer, yammering his way through whatever he thought was written on the autocue he was peering at.

Oh, it turns out he was announcing the Professional Dancers doing something - I suppose we’ll have to guess the dance for ourselves, eh? Ohhhh - there’s my luvly Matthew - and just as I went off into my usual ‘Il Divino’ fugue, I was startled back to reality when the hubba gave the kind of sneeze which would have registered on the Richter scale and should have been followed by the gentle tinkling of cervical vertebrae.

Alarmed, I put down my knife and fork and turned to look at him. Eyes streaming and full of self-pity, he sneezed once more and said thickly, “I think I’b god a code - I can’t ead dis subber - I‘b going to bed!”

And off he went, nodding his head wearily when I told him to be sure to shut the kitchen door and that I’d be up to see how he was as soon as there was a break in the action.

I know what you’re thinking, gentle readers, and you’re right to have the words ‘Dear me - and she calls herself a nurse?”, trembling on your lips, but I haven’t sat through endless weeks of Hell to miss out on the semi-final, and I also know how long it takes the hubba to perform his pre-retiring to bed ablutions.

I had cause to wish I’d gone up with him when I saw -
Smuggo Hollins and Ooh-la-la hove into view, Ooh barely clothed in the sort of ridiculous ’dress’ which always sets my ‘costume distraction strategy’ antennae whirring - and they’re going to do the rumba - again - and we’re treated to another look back at their ‘zany’ ways and ‘wonderful’ relationship which goes on until I feel physically sick. If I watch much more of this over-sugared crap I’m going to have to double my dose of insulin tonight. Oh, get on, for the love of God! At last - on to the ‘wonderful’ rumba performed to a song I used to love. I thought it sucked - it seemed much too fast to me and I’m still waiting to see a rumba step - Old Ma Phillips was quite right about one thing, Ooh-la-la should have plumped for being a pole-dancer!
What do t’joodges think?
Craig - I love you - Darcey, I love you too! I missed the rest because I was suddenly struck by the complete absence of cat wowling from the hall. Even as I wondered what they were up to, the senior Siamese staggered into the room, up to his eyebrows in barbecue sauce and clutching a large and dripping spare-rib chop in his jaws.

Appalled, I picked up my half-finished dinner and raced into the kitchen, almost feeling my eyes bug out of my head when I caught sight of the solitary mushroom which was all that remained of the hubba’s previously untouched plate of dinner - the little furry thieves were so pogged out, they could scarcely be arsed to run away in their usual ‘scalded cat’ manner even when I seized the tea-towel and brandished it at them while screaming incoherent threats of vengeance to be meted out to them as soon as my programme was finished.

Determined not to miss any more, I threw the rest of my dinner out and flung the plates into the dishwasher, shouting, “Not yet!” crossly in reply to the hubba’s plaintive request that I make him a Lem-Sip and hurtled back to the living-room in time for :-

Princess Ali and Prince Charming USA
They both looked gorgeous - okay - I’m biased, but I love them and I loved their AT - unlike t’joodges, who, to a joodge, ‘damned them with faint praise’! Cheers, y’all, you know the Krankies are going through whatever happens and I know the Krankies are going through because the great British public ’love them’ - but you could at least have tried to pretend it was a fair fight!

Grabbed a pack of baby-wipes and started to sponge barbecue sauce off the middle-cat as I waited for -
Feathers Whittle and Tina Sparkle, who look as if they’re off to get married straight after the show and who instantly sweep into a beautiful, flawless-looking waltz which the singer does her level best to ruin. Those tens were deserved.

Okay, back to Smuggo and Ooh - I’ve managed to clean the middle cat up, I’m not going to bother mopping the junior cat because he’s a Black Oriental and you can’t see the sauce on him and anyway, the senior cat is licking it off him - the gurlz are nowhere in sight and are presumably giving each other a wash and brush up. I decide that now’s the time to minister to the hubba and make him a Lem-Sip. I’m glad of the diversion to tell the truth, at least I don’t have to watch the utter pail of sick which is Smuggo’s bliddy ‘journey’ - and they’re off - and …
Oh I just can’t - I can’t be objective and I can’t be arsed - although I managed a bitter laugh at the sight of Barnacle Bill Turnbull sitting clapping in the audience, a laugh which froze in my throat when Pop Goodman tempestuously stole Bruno’s cadenza and went off into his paean in praise of ‘bloke dancing’ - ‘yer give it a go’ - ‘yer come aht ‘ere’ - ‘jumpers for goalposts’! Aaaaarrrggggghhh - someone’s screaming - I think it’s me!

I’ve hurt my throat screaming and the hubba has reappeared, rumpled and less than suave in his dressing-gown and my fluffy bed-socks.
“You didn’t pud ady huddy in da Lem-Sip!”, he says reproachfully, sitting down on the sofa and running through a light cadence of sneezes before he goes on hopefully, “I thing I could ead by subber now!”
“You left the kitchen door open. The cats got in. They ate your supper. If they all die in the night, it'll be your fault! Now shut up and let me watch this DANCE!”
I had tears in my eyes as ‘The Royals’ danced - beautifully - the epitome of everything the American Smooth should be - if Fred and Ginger had been there, they would have been up on their feet applauding - a perfect routine and a perfect mark. Poor souls - why did they bother?

I felt a bit sorry for Feathers and La Sparkle having to follow that - I started to warm to him last week and I think it’s a disgrace that the footage the BBC obviously had had for weeks of their training and their relationship didn’t actually figure on ITT, or in the main show until tonight - why was that - did the Smuggo Juggernaut fear that if the viewers got the chance to see how endearing the Sparklers can be it might prove detrimental to the chances of their 38-year old ‘boy’? Bitter - qui moi?
Even so, the Sparklers seemed to be determined that if they were going out, they, like Ali and Brian, were going out in a blaze of glory. They looked fantastic and delivered the most utterly amazing and brilliant Argentine Tango I’ve ever seen from a celeb - the second I’ve finished writing this diatribe, I’m off to YouTube to watch it again and again and again! Bravi, bravissimi - that was GLORIOUS and should have had a full set of tens! Bruno, no doubt piqued that Pop Goodman had pre-empted his cadenza, managed to squeeze out one of epic proportions - and I agreed with every word of it - molto grazie, mio tresor!

A treat to end the first half - Darcey and My Original Beloved jiving - I hate the jive, but even I have to admit that this one was splendid - only marred by the old Coffin-Dodger Forsyth’s insistence that Darcey join him in a comedy sketch when she hardly had the breath to gasp!

And we’re back! The hubba, having coughed and sneezed his way through the second half of Barcelona -v- Espanola (they won, the angels) is back in bed, fortified by beans on toast and gallons of hot tea. I’ve tucked him in with a hot-water bottle, rubbed his chest with Vic, taken him a jug of iced-water to top-up his glass, placed his cough medicine, cough sweets, his book, the telly buttons and his inhaler to hand - and told him *not* to shout for me until 10pm unless he has a paroxysm of coughing which makes his fingers go mottled.

Pop starts the show seemingly in the throes of some denture problems - and squinting so horribly at the autocue he’s starting to resemble Old Steptoe - and we’re off into filler, filler, filler - and despite the presence of both My Original Beloved and Il Divino,   I’m losing the will to live and the only thing that’s keeping me from giving up the ghost and dying is that I know I’d go straight to Hell - I hate Hairspray - I hate rhythmical gymnastics masquerading as dance - I hate Lily Allen - and I absolutely and utterly bliddy HATE this result, although I knew all along it would pan out like this.

Note to Ricky - have an easy week, love - don’t put yourself out because the Great British Public have decided to go for the clown and there’s nothing you or I can do about it. If - and it's a big 'if' - I can actually bear to watch the Final, I’ll vote for you until the telephone squeaks - but know this - whatever happens, you’re *my* winner for this series, and Ali is a worthy runner-up.

(Note to all those who are kind enough to read my blog every week - you don’t *really* want me to do one next week … do you?)


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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 01:07
haha Aida you MUST  do one next week

as usual that was fab
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  Quote Ladymacri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 01:30
As usual Aida - brill! Agree - bloody horrible result, knew it was coming but screamed at the telly anyway. Bye Ali and Brian and in the best footie parlance 'Ya woz robbed'
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  Quote Tango Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 09:43
Aida - Thank you so much - as usual it adds so much to read your weekly blog. You HAVE to do the final.....nod
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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 10:39
Aida, you must comment on the final, your observations are more entertaining than the show itself has been in  - oh, two years!  Even though we must agree to disagree on the Smuggins issue, your expostulations have me in stitches every week. 
 
Plus, what would we do without the cats tales?  We're on lockdown in the kitchen with Tipps now, thanks to her medical condition, but I remember the horror when her lamented predecessor, the sainted Sphinx, helped herself to the other half's pork chop... Well, he was horrified.  I laughed myself sickLOL but I'm evil like that
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  Quote Crube666 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 10:51
As usual Aida, top notch...
 
 
 
(PS - although we'll have to agree to disagree on the hobitses and Ali and Brian-  I feel we feel the exact oppostites....)
 
(PPS - hope the cat's are okay. Both after the Chinese and after you go hold of 'em. If not, I have a spare....)
 
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  Quote killersbee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 11:14
Spot on Aida, but you must post a summery for the Final

But like you, I'm not sure if I wanna continue watching this show
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 22:24
Gold, Aida, pure gold.  And yes, you have to be back next week nod
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  Quote Shamon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 23:29
Please do a blog next week Aida,its the last one,you must complete the series,i'm planning on having a ficticious cat that i can trip over,throw at the tele and tempt with a chinese supper,i also intend to swoon in a rather unsuitable fashion over Mr Matthew Heart seeing as it might be the last time i see him for a while ( assuming  Aliona dosen't block my view Whistle)

Edited by Shamon - 13 Dec 2009 at 23:36
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  Quote Ladymacri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 23:39
Me too - Already dreaming, adn my other half has agreed to have some lessons at Matt's studio- Yippee!!! best Chrissie Present ever. And if the wonderful one himself hjust happens to be there.............
 
Aida - you have to do the last show, or my cats Lucy an Mattie will never forgive me if I don't update them with their weekly instalment of the goings on in Aida's house.
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  Quote Shamon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2009 at 23:50
Originally posted by Ladymacri

Me too - Already dreaming, adn my other half has agreed to have some lessons at Matt's studio- Yippee!!! best Chrissie Present ever. And if the wonderful one himself hjust happens to be there.............
 
Aida - you have to do the last show, or my cats Lucy an Mattie will never forgive me if I don't update them with their weekly instalment of the goings on in Aida's house.
 
So glad you managed to sort that out nod  Matthew does seem to be there for a lot of the lessons,how lucky are those people ??????? LOL
 
When do you start ??


Edited by Shamon - 14 Dec 2009 at 00:03
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2009 at 00:25
Sorry for my tardiness.. did try and read Aida's review when I got home from my work shindig.. but was struggling to focus.. and I hadn't seen the program.. I have now and agree it was a rotten result.. would have been more acceptable had all 3 cupples gone through to the final.. but it wasn't to be Cry
Your review.. brilliant as usual Aida.. and you must do a review for the final next week.. we will miss your weekly report.. any chance we can persuade you to do one for CBB or Dancing on ice??Pray
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  Quote Ladymacri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2009 at 22:23
Originally posted by Shamon

Originally posted by Ladymacri

Me too - Already dreaming, adn my other half has agreed to have some lessons at Matt's studio- Yippee!!! best Chrissie Present ever. And if the wonderful one himself hjust happens to be there.............
 
Aida - you have to do the last show, or my cats Lucy an Mattie will never forgive me if I don't update them with their weekly instalment of the goings on in Aida's house.
 
So glad you managed to sort that out nod  Matthew does seem to be there for a lot of the lessons,how lucky are those people ??????? LOL
 
When do you start ??
 
Have to get Christmas (with the family dotted about all over the East of England) and New Year out of the way, put the house on the market too - so I reckon about the 3rd week of January. I can report on progress if you like?
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  Quote Shamon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2009 at 22:43
Originally posted by Ladymacri

 
Have to get Christmas (with the family dotted about all over the East of England) and New Year out of the way, put the house on the market too - so I reckon about the 3rd week of January. I can report on progress if you like?
 
Can't believe Christmas is next week......
 
How exciting  to have lessons to look forward to for the New Year Big%20smile  ........reports would be great if you can nod


Edited by Shamon - 14 Dec 2009 at 22:56
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