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SCD Quarter Final 5th Dec

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Bren View Drop Down
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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: SCD Quarter Final 5th Dec
    Posted: 05 Dec 2009 at 22:05
Thread ready Aida
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2009 at 00:07
Thanks, Bren!

Saturday 5th December
I’m not really in t’mood tonight, I have a horrible feeling that something dreadful is going to happen - and - what’d’you know - it has - that tiresome old stoat Forsyth has me cursing and spitting out my G&T within 20 seconds of catching sight of him. God Help us, now he’s telling some ’jokes’ so old they creak - the female singer sitting behind him is staring at him like the first person to spot the monster in a horror flick - shut up, you babbling old loony!

In honour of it being the quarter-finals, Tactless has turned up in a nightie (with the trademark one strap) - I can just imagine the conversation between her and Vermin.
Vermin: “Eeh, lass - you lewk reet gradely in t’frock this week - Aa’ve done thee prowd!”
Tactless: “I reckon tha’s lost thy marbles, Vern - it’s a nightie, is this!”
Vermin: “Nay, lass - joost weer a pair of reet long earrings and t’belt and nobody’ll know!”

Sorry, I digress - after a few more Pop Forsyth ’jokes’, we have The Professional Dancers jigging through one of my least favourite dances - the char char char - with Il Divino right at the back so I can’t see him for that posturing ginger bint who, along with the hussy Kristina, manages to look common in a costume everyone else looks quite nice in - eeek - did Ginger go wrong in that lift and almost kill my lovely Matthew!

What a start - eight minutes in and I’m mad enough to bite a small piece out of my gin glass and throw things at the telly already! And I’m famished too, since the self-appointed head of the herd has deferred the supper until 8p.m. - I can hear him now, threatening the shouting man from the Chinese that if he sends curry sauce instead of sweet and sour - again - he’ll refuse to pay! We’ll see!

Shut up, shut up, shut the f*ck up, Pop - has nobody had the foresight to bring a tranquilliser dart-gun - at last - we’re off, and it’s :-

Princess Ali and Prince Charming USA
Gorgeous frock, she looks beautiful and so does he - the music is *terrible* - the dance looks great, but I love them so I’m biased and I’ll vote for them lots tonight just to try to keep the Horrible Hobbit at bay.
Pause to thank our ‘wonderful orchestra’ (the band) - hey - where’s the fat bloke in the hat? No time to solve that mystery because we have to sprint on through the joodges who want still more from Princess Ali than beautiful dancing, although Bruno did manage a sort of muted cadenza! La Bussell seems very composed for a woman who’s clearly lost her luggage and had to borrow one of Tactless’ dresses!

Whinging Laila and The Berk
And sticking with the general nightwear theme, we have Madam in a blue sparkly nightie - talk about luck, the old ‘King of the Ballroom’ getting an American Smooth - but hold - it isn’t a very good AS, is it? Or is that just me? Noooooo - t’joodges are having a bit of a go too, even La Bussell (I’m really liking her) is putting the boot (pointe-shoe?) in, in a very elegant and restrained manner. Backstage, Tina Sparkle looks over the moon as the plucky pair pretend to love each other and say (rehearsed) supportive things!

Smuggo Hollins and Ooh-la-la
I’m sick of the sight of the pair of them - every single time I put the telly on I seem to see their smirking faces looming at me! What are they doing anyway - Oh - the waltz, that means he’ll be wearing the Mussolini face - yep - there it is - and off they go pivoting around in their usual underwhelming way while the rabid horde scream encouragement and clap out of time to the music. Over to t’joodges - Oh, shut up, Len, you old fraud - and you, Princess Alesha - then we’re backstage with Tactless and the Horrid Hobbits are giggling like a pair of cartoon characters and I’m ranting like a madwoman, loudly enough to wake the hubba from a light doze, feeling my bottom lip swell into a pout of mammoth proportions when he (uncharacteristically) shouts, “Well, if you hate it that much, don’t bliddy watch it!”
I think he’s famished as well!

Back to the show just in time to catch Pop adjusting his catheter leg-bag prior to introducing :-

Feathers Whittle and Tina Sparkle
Hmmm - La Sparkle’s ambition is really quite terrifying - I felt a bit of a pang of sympathy for Feathers and realised that I might have quite liked him if he wasn’t dancing with her - never mind - off they go, Tina in a sort of Arabian-nights nightie with more cut-outs than nightie, Feathers in tails. It’s a good foxtrot to my amateur eyes, and just as Victor Silvester describes it in my trusty book - but - I still get bored when they’re dancing and diverted myself by teasing the middle cat by pinching one of his IKEA rats (he likes to round them up in one place) and chucking it at the hubba - Leo’s furious squawks and scrabbling attempts to extricate his rat woke the hubba again, causing him to jerk his leg and upset his occasional table.
“Is it finished now? Has Lilia been on?”, he asked brusquely, his shoulders slumping in despair when I replied brightly, “Not yet - they’re all going to dance again now!”

And they did - without further ado, out pranced the Royals to dance the saaarmba, both looking pretty in a lovely shade of peach - I loooove the saaarmba, it’s one of my favourite dances - and this one was lovely and a bit slower than usual, so to stave off the pangs of hunger, I drained my G&T and got up and danced along with them with the cat Orlando in my arms - he loved it, he purred like mad when we did a few saarmba rolls - we were going quite well until the junior cat, Solomon, got under my feet and I took a few tripping steps forward startling Orlando who chose to abandon ship by shooting over the top of my head and down my back. I thought it would take chloroform to stop the hubba laughing - I’ve rarely seen a man so purple in the face and so breathless with laughter. Anyway, I loved it and I’m going to vote for them lots!

Who’s next - ah yes - the Salsa of Death as performed by The Whinger and The Berk, who, appositely, dressed in shocking pink to match their shocking salsa. Ooh, t’joodges are having another go - not that it matters a jot what the rest of them say, the Pink Palace will be lit up with indignant protests vilifying poor Alesha as per for being unlucky enough to be the first one to comment and ‘commenting‘ strongly! O.O
Yay - I’m not struck on the Berk, but I was soooooo glad he had a pop at Tactless - about time somebody did!

Next (although it would be too soon for me if I never saw either of the blighters again) - the Sickeningly-Cute Hobbits, Ooh tricked out in what has to be The.Worst.Saaarmba.Frock.Ever. She seems drawn to the cheap and tacky like a bee to a honey pot - and they’re off and he’s dashing through his full gamut of silly faces while she writhes and wriggles like a worm on a hook to make it seem as if they’re doing zillions of proper saaarmba steps! Rotten! Where’s he off to now - who’s that blonde woman he’s snogging - it’s not the mother with a new hair-do, is it?
Surely, by All That’s Holy, that abortion of a dance should see them off - shouldn’t it - I have a bad feeling about this, or maybe it’s just that my blood sugar’s a bit low, seeing as I’m sooooooo hungry now, I could bite a chunk out of the hubba.

And finally:-
Feathers and Tina Sparkle - wearing a very sparkly, very nice frock - I winced when the music struck up, probably not as much as Eric Clapton, Jack Bruce and Ginger Baker did - they probably had to be forcibly restrained from throwing the telly out of the window. It shames me to admit this, but I finally got an inkling of the Ricky-love that’s out there - they were good - all right, they were very good! Bruno had his final cadenza of the evening, even Craig was quite complimentary - at last - the Penguin’s found his Happy Feet!

Hooray - a lovely break while we wait for the results show - and we’re back, the hubba and self restored to good humour by food, fresh drinks tinkling in our glasses, happy in the knowledge that our beloved Barcelona currently lead Deportivo la Coruna by one goal and half time is looming. The cats are all full of rice, chicken, prawns and bean sprouts, baby Solomon is sleeping as if he’s been sedated, Leo has managed to track down and ’herd’ his rats so he‘s happy, the lovely Orlando is ensconced on my lap gnawing his spare rib bone - and the girls, Lola and Miranda, are engaged in their Saturday night racing aimlessly up and down the stairs.

We’re the picture of domestic bliss, both laughing heartily when the show starts and the hubba quips, “Look, they’re on the balcony - all they need is one good push!”
Gorgeous Argentine Tango from my darling Vinthent and that fast cat who broke his poor heart, followed by a somewhat lacklustre American Smooth - I don’t know what it is, but the pro dances haven’t done it for me this year - I just don’t like Il Divino dancing with that Ginger article.

Oh, God Help Us - Bette Midler - as if she’s not bad enough on her own we have to endure a double-act with Methusaleh which seems to stretch into infinity and is about as funny as an outbreak of Ebola fever! Sing or p*ss off, Missus!
Aaarrgggh - why didn’t you mime, you daft old mare? The pitch has gone, dear, and the vibrato is, frankly, just frightening - Oh ye gods - not bliddy Ooh-la-la AGAIN!!!!
     
Right - do the results so that we can get back to Barca before they realise we're not watching and go to pieces! Hooray, my votes worked and my lovely boy and girl are through - but - Hell’s Bells! I don’t bliddy believe it! What a disgrace, I actually feel really sorry for poor Feathers - not Whinger and the Berk, they deserve to be there, but so did the Horrid Hobbits.

It’s my fault, I know it is - if only I could have brought myself to pretend I liked them, the Curse of Aida would have fallen on them instantly! I’m absolutely gobsmacked and now fear that the Smirkers will prove unstoppable - it’s the Thundering Rhino (Darren Gough) all over again!

I know a few people like reading my blog, and I really like doing it - but - if either Ricky or Ali go out in favour of this ghastly pair next week, I don’t think I’ll be able to bring myself to watch the Final - it’s going to be hard enough to force myself to endure bliddy Lily Allen in the semi’s - I‘d even rather have seen ‘Westlife‘!

On a positive note, the hubba was so incensed, he didn't even realise that his Lilia wasn't on at all - and Barcelona won 3 - 1!

Edited by Aida - 06 Dec 2009 at 00:14

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  Quote Bren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2009 at 00:33
haha Aida loved it !! 
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  Quote Shamon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2009 at 00:34
Thanks again Aida.......always entertaining nod
 
I'm with you on thinking about Matthews lift ........maybe enough is enough with Alionas acrobatics .......
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  Quote Ladymacri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2009 at 11:43
'....did Ginger go wrong in that lift and almost kill my lovely Matthew!'
She did! She did!
 '....just don’t like Il Divino dancing with that Ginger article.'
Me neither, horrid little hussy. 
 
Great blog Aida - I'll whiz through the Lily Allen biit next week (unless the unmatchable Matt is dancing of course) but am sure the great voting public will put the hobbits out - they generally get the plot by the semis I think.
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2009 at 12:09
Very funny Aida, it just reminded me I had to remove a 'real' dead rat about a foot long, and hide it from the cat last night, after screams from the kids, did he catch it?? No idea. Wouldn't put it past him after the mice/vole's he's been bringing in!!! Yuck, this one, probably too big for cat flap, LOL, it will be a fox next, as he's been chasing them down the street.(yes my cat is dumb, size no problem)
 
Anyway, Great night, i love the hobbits tho! and Goughy always my favorite too!
I love Bette Midler (altho what was holding her in ??), think it's nostalgia from when i first saw the film 'The Rose'
My home team Man Utd won too, even Man City beat Chelsea, Thanks lads!!
We need some more ex-footballers next year in SCD.
 
Deb.xox
Loose Lips, Sink Ships !!   or as they say in Jamaice, 'Mouth open, Story fly out!'
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  Quote Ladymacri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2009 at 12:22
I so agree Deborah31 - ex footie/rugby players - a bit of razz and confidence. Maybe a tennis player to contrast styles.  Also what aboaut a couple of childrens tv presenters, they'll be dreadful I think
 
Bette was lovely as always and such a good actress, smiling kindly as she endured Brucie's 'strip'.
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  Quote Tups Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2009 at 12:43
my  weekend is complete now.. thank you Aida.. I only watch the program now so I know what you are talking about!.. now.. how's about Dancing on Ice... Celeb  BB???????... you cannot be allowed to disappear once Strictly has finished!
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  Quote deborah31 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Dec 2009 at 13:46
Originally posted by Tups

my  weekend is complete now.. thank you Aida.. I only watch the program now so I know what you are talking about!.. now.. how's about Dancing on Ice... Celeb  BB???????... you cannot be allowed to disappear once Strictly has finished!
 
I for one am always disappointed with the other shows, i've tried DOI once last year (Ray to win from first show), but you don't get to know the pro-dancers personality at all, and there's no equivalent of ITT, so a bit 'empty' plus celebs i've never heard of (not that it normally matters, but like i said no ITT, to get to know them)
PLus the dreaded adverts, so can never watch live. altho i did watch x factor for 5 mins last night, on 'pause' tv, managed to watch olly sing 1 song, when the ads were on! Perfect solution, just watch the singer twice!! I didn't see any others so can't comment on the rest of the show, I did like Chery's hair tho !! lol. I tend to watch last 10 mins of the show on Sundays just to see who goes (if i remember)
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  Quote Thess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Dec 2009 at 01:48
Great stuff Aida, as usual.  I think I would like to come round to the pyramid one Saturday night to experience the evenings events in person.  Althought I would be useless in instances of feline vomiting.  Please don't disappear after SCD, I do so much look forward to and enjoy your postings.
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
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  Quote BambionIce Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Dec 2009 at 20:07
Thank you Aida for cheering me up!  Miss Tips is in feline hospital (and they don't allow visitors) so I'm in need of cat tales and a darned good giggle! 
 
And please, stay for the final even if you can't bear the sight of the Hobbits! Unsually, I'm not in complete agreement with you on them, but honestly, it'll ruin the weekend if we don't get the chance to come here and read your rants against their incessant grinning/smirking!!
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Dec 2009 at 23:34
Thanks, amici - I really appreciate the kind remarks and the support!

I'm so sorry to hear that Miss Tipps is poorly, Bambi - I hope she's soon feeling much better and back at home with you.

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Crube666 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Dec 2009 at 10:09
I'll send you my cat to keep you company if it'll help, Bambi...
 
I can arrange airmail quite easily...
 
 
And Aida - you have to stay for the final... please... you make the weekend
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Dec 2009 at 10:43
Sorry, sorry - you know I always enjoy a bit of a pout and am given to making tempestuous declarations that I'm giving up on it - it's not my fault, it's the Italian blood - but I always turn up like a bad penny in the end!

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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  Quote Crube666 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Dec 2009 at 14:00
...and we wouldn't have you any other way.Hug
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  Quote salsa lady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Dec 2009 at 14:27
Just came here to say, Aida you are fabulous.  I love every post you made and  you always make me laugh.
And thank you, because I really need a good laugh.
You should write a book, I'm pretty sure you will be very sucessful.
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