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SCD Week2 Show 2

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Joined: 02 Dec 2005
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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: SCD Week2 Show 2
    Posted: 27 Sep 2009 at 00:36
We’re off - and in breaking news, Tactless Tess has been Tango-ed! What a gruesome colour that nightie is - and no, luv, the addition of the ceremonial belt doesn’t make it look any better.

‘Tis a tense night here at the Pyramid even though the Chinese supper has arrived in the nick of time and is *nearly* what we ordered - the senior cat and me are already in position in front of the telly, the two of us exchanging a speaking glance when we hear the hubba furiously warning the junior cat that if he tries once more to pinch prawns or spare ribs, he’ll be locked in the hall for the duration of the meal.
The junior cat replies with a defiant miaow and I turn the telly volume up a tad - I can tell already it’s going to be one of those nights, a feeling heightened when I note with sinking heart that Old Pop Forsythe is in ‘buffoon mode’.

Oh, get on, get on, get on!

Here come Tuffers and ‘Kat’ having a go at the char char char - I hate this bliddy dance, I really do, but you have to hand it to the Tuff, he looks so relaxed and happy as he’s jigging around, he almost convinces you that he’s pulling it off!

The Perplexed Pixie and that fast cat Flavia
She seems to be wearing a sort of sari for some reason - it’s quite unnerving as I’ve never seen her so covered up before. I like the rumba and wondered for quite some time when they were going to start dancing it - then the music stopped! Ah well!

Laila-Amber and Monsieur du Berk
Oh, dammit - I hate to admit that you dance experts are right - but - you’re right! The Berk’s Latin is shockingly bad which is a real pity because Laila looks as if she’d have a go at trying anything in the way of choreography - how I wish she’d got My New Beloved, the luscious Mr. Cutler, as a partner - I bet she wishes she had too!

Tanya-Zoe and The Last of the Mohicans.
Loved the frock, loved their rumba although I missed the very end of it due to a short, sharp and savage fracas between the hubba and the middle cat who had crept up on his blind side (while he gaped at Zoe’s frock and wrigglings) and appropriated a chicken ball which he, the cat, was valiantly trying to swallow whole rather than allow it to be wrested from him. Sharply advising him, the hubba, not to shake a cat whose prowess at projectile vomiting is legendary, I turned the telly volume up (again) just in time to hear Bruno having a cadenza about the salaciousness of the dance. I always think it would be funny at moments like this, if someone ran out from backstage and threw a bucket of cold water over him - but of course, Old Misery Guts Goodman is always there to do that figuratively, isn’t he?

Jo Wood(en) and Brenda(n)
Lord have mercy! Well, it wasn’t quite up to the toe-curling exhibition demonstrated by Carol Voldemort during her (mercifully) short stay on SCD, but, by God, it came close! I nearly choked on a mouthful of rice when Craig-dahling drawled his way through a list of insults and it seemed we were about to be treated to an Aussie - v - Kiwi fist-fight, but sadly Brenda(n) was hustled away before it could kick off. Surely this will be the last we’ll see of the rock-granny?

Richard Dunwooden and the Lovely Lilia
Oh dear - he seems such a nice man and he tried sooooooo hard while Lilia smiled determinedly and wriggled around seductively in the small assortment of ribbons and fringing she had on by way of a frock. The hubba was mesmerised throughout, seemingly frozen in time with his fork halfway to his mouth and his eyes fixed on the telly, so mesmerised he didn’t notice the junior cat lying at his feet crunching happily at a spare rib chop dripping with barbecue sauce.
I said nothing - well - nothing except, “Erm …”, when he turned hopefully to me at the end of the dance and said, “They weren’t too bad, were they?”

Ricky Slaphead and Gnashertalie
She’s definitely The Chosen New One - she’s already been given a duplicate set of the sacred Gnasher teeth and presented with copies of ‘Karen’s Guide to Gurning’ and Windmilla’s ‘Open-Gob dance your way to success’. All right, I admit it - she’s good, very good - and he is, I suppose - he just gets on my t*ts.   I kept wishing he’d go a purler.

Thonia and Vinthent
Reasonably good frock which made her look thlimmer from the front - she thertainly gave it thome welly, but she looked to be danthing much better in rehearsals - I hope she doethn’t go - there are a lot worthe than her! L

Oh great - I love the paso doble - Oh noooooooooo, not to this lousy music - Crikey - what horrible frocks, where did wardrobe get them - a pantomime costumier - Oh, get out of the way, you silly tarts, and let me see Mr Matthew!

Never mind - here’s a quickstep, I love the quick - damnation take it - the hubba, who sat like a stunned mullet all through the lousy paso, is now imploring me to ring up and vote for his Lilia.
“Ring up yourself!”, I snap
“No - you ring up for me!”
“Why me?”
“Because … because … I’m a man and men don’t do things like that!”
“Oh, just ring, will you - nobody will ever know - the BBC won’t trace the number and publish your picture in the Radio Times!”
“You’ll know!”
“I won’t tell anybody!”
“You will - you’ll tell all of those blighters on those forums you go on - I’ll be a laughing stock!”
“As if I’d do that!”, I lied, just as it was announced that the phone lines had closed, my laughter dying in my throat when the fell Cullen bounced on to the screen - Christ Almighty - I’d rather have had Westlife than him! Why couldn’t Brian ‘accidentally’ bump against the piano and slam the lid down on Cullen’s hands?

Well, y’all know what happened next - the hubba is absolutely *gutted* - he shot me a searing look and said bitterly, “This is all your fault!”, then stood up, clearly about to stalk out of the room in high dudgeon, his dramatic exit ruined when he slipped on the chop bone the junior cat had abandoned and fell back heavily on to the sofa, sending the four snoozing cats he’d been sharing it with into orbit and kicking his occasional table over.

Roll on next week - I might have managed to Vax the stains out of the carpet by then!







Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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