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SCD Week 1 Show1

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  Quote Aida Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: SCD Week 1 Show1
    Posted: 18 Sep 2009 at 23:50
Slight contretemps at the Pyramid this evening when the hubba discovered that Strictly is on tonight and tomorrow night - a tantrum seemed in the offing until I (recklessly) told him that I was certain his Lilia would be on both nights!

Oooooh, I’ve missed it sooo much - and - cue music - we’re off!

Old Pop Forsythe, looking like Lazarus fresh from the tomb, grinning like an eejit and twinkling down the stairs - Tedious Tess, wearing the triumphant smirk of a woman who managed to eject her sprog from the womb in time to get rid of all of the evidence that she was ever pregnant and prevent Alesha Dixon from the gig she really wanted - filling in for the tactless one’s maternity leave!   As well as the smirk, she was wearing a frock of such flawless nastiness (plus the ubiquitous, non-matching belt) that one suspects that Vermin runs them up for her with fabric bought cheap from Leeds market. One day he’ll learn how to set two sleeves, not just one - and one day she‘ll learn that if you want to wear such a garish colour, you need to wear a strong lippie so you don‘t look like Marley‘s ghost!

Cue banal jokes and non-hilarious presenter interplay - then the parade of this year’s victims - I do wish they hadn’t got so many new dancers, I hadn’t a clue who forty percent of the ‘cupples’ were - ah well - no doubt it’ll sort itself out.

Pause for introducing judges - blah, blah, blah -   some Forsythe fawning over The Princess plus some faux-banter with the Three Stooges - is any b*gger ever going to dance?

Yes - two people I’ve never seen before in my life are - and here they come:-
Rav Somebody and Aliona Whosheski
This pair were instantly christened ‘Ravioli’ by the hubba who laughs at his own jokes almost as heartily as Bruno does - mind you, I was laughing as hard as he was when the *band struck up with a truly horrid song that seemed no more a tango to me than ‘The Teddy Bears Picnic’, and the pair of them lurched off across the floor, seemingly locked together in the early stages of a synchronised epileptic fit! When they did that ’lift’ thingy, I honestly thought she’d gone a purler! I know, I know - they were first out, she’s new, yadda yadda yadda - I don’t care - they were lousy!

*I refuse to call eight people, one of whom is probably playing the triangle, three of whom claim to be ‘singers’, an ‘orchestra’!

Ricky Eastender and my girl Erin
Poor Erin - how can she ever forget the the humiliation of that Muppet Dance when she’s constantly made to relive it - what’s that you’re saying - her partner’s *real* - crikey, you could have fooled me!
Her gown was lovely - and that’s the best thing I can think of to say about them.

Chris Wholesomechappie and Ooh-la-la
I liked her frock.   His ’tango-face’ was reminiscent of Benito Mussolini and the way he stamped around made me laugh so hysterically I spat a cocktail cherry out with such force it struck the (sleeping) junior cat on the nose, causing him to rise from my lap like a rocketing pheasant and knock my occasional table over. As he trudged off to the kitchen to fetch a cloth and a fresh drink for me, the hubba muttered bitterly, “How I’ve missed these pleasant, cultural evenings!’

Jade Longjumper and My Original Beloved
Lovely ‘princess’ dress, quite nice waltz - I really only had eyes for my beautiful Ian - I hope he’s never daft enough to challenge her to an arm-wrestling contest!

Martina the tennis star and My New Beloved
Matthew’s still impossibly beautiful and divinely graceful - she’s not exactly overloaded with personality, is she? The hubba said that she might have danced better with a tennis racquet in her hand - and even as I started to roar with laughter, it froze in my throat when I noticed that she seems to be wearing the sacred Gnasher teeth!

Diddy Darren and The Oxo Mum
Lord have mercy! It would have to be a desperate gaucho who’d dance the tango with his Mum, no matter how good her Oxo-based chilli con carne was! The poor hubba laughed so much at her facial expressions, I thought he’d end his days - he almost did when, as he was trying to recover his breath from the initial burst of hilarity, I said that she might have danced better with a saucepan on her head!

Sally from The Bill and Prince Charming USA
Just when I was thinking I’d never seen such a bunch of no-hopers - out step a fairytale cupple who managed to dance like a dream while the ‘singer’ screamed her way through the song as if someone kept applying a red-hot iron to the back of her neck. Craig said it - they were fab-u-lous - can’t wait to see their Latin.

Poor Kristina and Joe Le Boxeur
I bet she thought she was being rewarded for her fortitude during ‘Sargent-gate’ - well - just up until she saw Joe dance that is! Wardrobe seemed to have it in for her too, with possibly the commonest-looking frock of the night, but at least they had proper tango music - it was just a pity that despite all of her writhings and wrigglings, Joe danced like a man under deep hypnosis.
I think it was very courageous of Craig to go for the jugular - I do hope he isn’t sporting a pair of black eyes tomorrow.

Come on, come on - I want to see the group fight - Oh, damn - Pop Forsythe’s talking to that klutz Winkle picker now - get on with it, do!

Hooray! At last! The Group Fight - and it was every bit as hilarious as I thought it would be - the Footballers’ Wives looked to be doing okay, but there look to be some right clowns in there too - I thought the funniest bit was when they all got into huuuge circles - for a moment or so, I thought they were going to do the Dashing White Sergeant or the Hokey Cokey! Someone (probably Vinthent) tried to kill Flavia by chucking her at the band near the end of the dance, but some fool caught her - I just can’t wait to see this shower do their stuff next week - but before that we still have tomorrow night’s extravaganza to look forward to! Magic!    



Edited by Aida - 19 Sep 2009 at 09:12

Cats were once worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt. They've never forgotten this.

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